Sticky Situation

[Guest guest]

We had a bit of a sticky situation with Kate yesterday. She has

germ/bathroom issues as well as striving to always be " good " . These two

collided yesterday in a way I would never have guessed.

We were at WalMart and Kate hates to use public restrooms to begin with

but, especially, small stalls. I've never had a problem with allowing her

to use the handicap stall when it's available. So that's what happened

yesterday.

I was finished and was waiting for Kate to finish when an older woman (not

elderly, mind you, but maybe 60 years old) came in. She went immediately

to the handicapped stall and opened it (Kate couldn't get it to lock).

The woman said, " Oh! " and then went to look in the other stalls but shook

her head disgustedly and stood outside the handicapped stall.

She looked at me and said, " Some little kid is in there. " I said, " I

know. She's mine. She prefers the larger stall. " Then the woman really

tore into me. Said, " Well, she shouldn't be in there. It is VERY

inconvenient for those of us that NEED the larger stall. I wanted so

badly to say, " Well, she does. Her handicap is just not visible but it's

every bit as worthy of the larger stall as you are! " I could discern no

visible handicap in the complaining woman (she walks fine, is not obese,

etc). My mother has bad knees and used to straddle the toilet so I can

understand a seemingly healthy person needing the larger stall . . . I'm

not saying she should have used a different one at all. Just that it

isn't just physical handicaps that make the larger stalls easier to use.

Anyway, I restrained myself and said nothing. I asked Kate to hurry

because someone was waiting and she said " I AM! " Poor kid. She was just

mortified. Came out of the stall with her OCD Face plastered on and then

came out of the bathroom and hugged me so tight . . . hiding her

embarassment. In tears and barely understandable she said, " I didn't want

to be an inconvenience! " I told her I wasn't upset with her at all . . .

that OCD is a handicap and it's okay for her to use the larger stall. But

she remained mortified for quite a while.

What really bothers me most is that that woman has NO idea that my

daughter was so hurt and embarassed. She has no clue that Kate will walk

around in extreme pain, holding her bladder, rather than use the bathroom

at the store . . . because she won't allow herself to use the handicapped

stall again. She won't risk being an inconvenience to someone.

Sorry to rant. It's such a small thing . . . that will be remembered by

my daughter for weeks or months and has probably already been forgotten by

the woman in the bathroom.

It just makes me think about the unkind things I've said to parents or

children without even knowing how insensitive I've been. I know I must

have hurt people deeply with a thoughtless word or gesture . . . things

that will sting for a long time but that I've forgotten in moments.

Beth