Some advice for: just a vent of frustration

[Guest guest]

First of all, let me say Dara, I know that this is very frustrating and emotionally exhausting. I can tell you that arguing is exhausting. I have a 13 year old and although I can say he is doing much better, when he does become uncooperative, it can leave me rattled and you can feel the tension in the house.

ative and Uncooperatie is a word we used a lot with my son until he finally understood what it meant. We read books about someone being uncooperative, we did social stories about cooperative and uncooperative. We played games and did role playing going over the two for a while. We watched shows and pointed out both and each time he could identify it, he got a hershey's kiss. We did a chart showing how long he had gone being cooperative and literally marked minutes showing how well he did and he got stars for each minute that he could use at the "store" a chest that had cool small toys or comics or whatever he liked like fun dip.

As he grew older, we made sure to work on him being aware of his emotions and body and did a thermometer that he could see and tell you how we was feeling since he often did not communicate how he was feeling and then when something pushed him over the edge, he was what we called in the red and hard to pull back. We talked about identifying what it felt like when he was in the red and usually he was very remourseful about his behavior but it had already happened.

We talked about and have talked about that when we are made we can either be a mad bubble that pops and then melts into the air or a grinade (sp) and leaves others hurt by the way he explodes.

I know he is 6 but you have to work on this now because he is only gonna get bigger. My 13 year old is 5'8 and 185 lbs and i have to be able to defuse him in an instance before he gets out of hand. I don't think he would ever hurt someone but he often, he takes his frustration out on me because I am safer to yell at. I also think it is ok to be hurt and show them you are hurt by their words so they can understand.

I hope this helps...I have been where you are, sometimes I am still there when we seem to go backwards, but maturity does kick in and verbal ability kicks in and it can get better.

Good luck and if you need to vent or ask anymore, you can email me at : corleytx@...

Dora

Subject: just a vent of frustrationTo: Texas-Autism-Advocacy Date: Monday, March 29, 2010, 4:45 PM

Hi all. I am writing this as Sammy, my almost 6 year old son is having a screaming tantrum over the order of the days of the week. As you all are well aware, I have no control or say in the order of the days of the week so I walked away from this one. I am really trying to keep my sense of humor but as the days go on, it is getting more and more difficult. As I said, Sammy is almost 6 (in june) and he has been diagnosed with PDD, subclinical epilepsy and other various behavioral issues and developmental delays. He was in ABA therapy from the time he was 1 yr old until he was 4. They taught him to walk, eat, talk, go potty, and some social skills. The one thing they were never able to conquer was this horrible defiant tantruming, raging, violent behavior. I am at my wits end. He is only violent with me. He is not violent with anyone else. He is horrid to me. When it is just my husband he is fine. When it is both of us he is a mess. When it is just me

he is good a lot of the time but when he turns, there is no going back. I know we need behavioral therapy of some sort but we are basically out of funds. We dont have insurance either. Really I am just frustrated with the endless tantrums and screaming at me and him arguing over every sentence that comes out of my mouth no matter what it is. He argues fact such as one day when it was snowing I said "Mommy used to live in a place that had a lot of snow" and he said "No you didnt" This goes on all day and it is exhausting. Leaving the house takes at least 30 minutes to go anywhere because he is screaming and crying about getting his shoes on and it is too far wherever we are going. I am just tired and frustrated and feel like I am way past my limit.Thanks for listening.Dara