Re: *Possible* reason why we have SSS

[Guest guest]

Neil suggested: A controlling personality.

Kim said: Totally me

Neil suggested: A lack of physical contact with your parents as a

child (cuddles,

kisses etc - would of liked that sort of emotional attachment but

never got it

Kim said: Mom left when I was 5 and dad had a drug/alcohol problem

and severe manic depression which caused a distant unmotional

relationship

Neil suggested: Shy, Quiet Personality (takes a long time to gain

confidence with

people (a few months)

Kim said: Absolutely unless I'm drinking

Neil. I think a lot of these factor in. I always thought that part of

it was due to spending so much time alone as a child that when people

came around me they were simply a distraction to the peace I was

accustomed to.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Well this might fit some of you, but my daughter is very loved by her

father, mother, and two older sisters. She is the baby and has been given a

lot of loving attention. We basically had the perfect life before she was

suddenly afflicted with this absurd condition! She is not shy and used to

love being social at school (although it looks like I might have to home

school her from now on since she seems to be getting worse). She is

definitely bothered by strangers who make noise. We can't go out to eat, to

the movies, etc.

So while this might fit many of you, I think that that is just a

coincidence, and these factors would probably fit many of the non SSS people

out there as well as SSS sufferers.

Psychiatrists are always trying to find some emotional reason for

everything! I definitely feel that SSS is a physiological affliction that

causes emotional and psychological problems.

Good luck--

Kathy Howe

*Possible* reason why we have SSS

Hi

I had a long chat with a psychologist a few weeks back and i am just

getting my head around a theory as to why i might have SSS and maybe

some of you can relate to it as well.

Here goes.....

The ingredients for this receipe are as follows:

A controlling personality.

A lack of physical contact with your parents as a child (cuddles,

kisses etc - would of liked that sort of emotional attachment but

never got it)

Shy, Quiet Personality (takes a long time to gain confidence with

people (a few months))

If you mix this all up you may get a 'fear of rejection emotion' by

that i mean your fear of rejection or getting emotionally hurt is so

high you create counter measures to ensure you never do.

So many SSS suffers have reactions to their parents, husbands, wifes

etc eating, breathing, picking habits and many of us dont seem to be

bothered too much by total strangers noises. Many say over time (a

few years) the symptoms get worse with the people they live or have

contact with daily.

Its like you reach a point where you get too close to that person and

*without you knowing it* your mind fears getting emotionally hurt.

You never feel true love - you start to create barriers to stop the

relationship getting any closer (eg losing *control* emotionally and

being left wide open to hurt), hence you protect yourself through a

clever little anti-missile device called SSS. How can we truly get

hurt if we dont allow them to get close - the SSS barrier works like

a charm.

This may explain why we get this at around 10 years old, pubity kicks

in for some or at least the changes start and the hormones make you

interested in the opposite sex and along with that comes the barrier

of not being rejected. Parents are targets for us because you dont

want to be rejected by them as you learn this new feeling (falling in

love) as you get older.

It also explains why noises dont bother us as much when you first

meet someone, the true love aspect takes a few years to develop and

when you nearly get there (without you knowing (subconsciously)) your

mind cant cope with the possible rejection or hurt it might get once

you have passed that point and so your mind creates ways of stopping

it happening and it is very good at it!

A hypothetical question:

If you were to leave your partners tomorrow, would you cope? If the

answer is " yes i think i would " or " after a month or so i will be

fine " then maybe its because you are *controlling* how far your

relationship goes without realising it, is the defence mechanism

SSS???

Sorry if this does not make any sense to you all, its very hard to

explain and i am still trying to get my head around it after 2 weeks

of thinking about it!

Anyway, its another one of those possibilities.... maybe.

Neil

[Guest guest]

Hey, Neil! It looks like you're getting some interesting responses

to this so far. I'm not deliberately trying to throw a wrench into

the works, because your theory might very well be valid--for *some*

of us. The profile you outline doesn't really fit me, though.

Specifically:

> A controlling personality.

Well, okay, yeah, that part does. BIG time. :-)

> A lack of physical contact with your parents as a child (cuddles,

> kisses etc - would of liked that sort of emotional attachment but

> never got it)

Exactly the opposite for me. I had (have) very loving parents and

got more cuddles, hugs and kisses as a child than I actually

wanted...now that I've read up on sensory defensiveness, I realize

I've had at least some of that all my life.

> Shy, Quiet Personality (takes a long time to gain confidence with

> people (a few months))

EXACTLY opposite. I'm naturally very outgoing and extroverted. In

fact, that's what I hate most about SSSS--it's turning me into a

hermit, which goes so much against my nature.

> and many of us dont seem to be

> bothered too much by total strangers noises.

Again, maybe true for others, but not me. My SSSS is no respecter of

how well I know someone--I'm equally bothered by trigger sounds

whether they're coming from friends, family, or the complete

stranger across from me on the train or in the restaurant.

So I guess your idea is another possible piece of a very complex

puzzle. I wish there was one known cause and one easy answer, but I

doubt that...

-Mayuri

[Guest guest]

wrote:Psychiatrists are always trying to find some emotional reason foreverything! I definitely feel that SSS is a physiological affliction thatcauses emotional and psychological problems......>> Hi Kathy and everyone, Kathy, I am in total agreement with you when it comes to psychiatrists.....I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm 48 years old and have been dealing with this since age 11 -- a total of 37 years of a life with SSSS. I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists -- emotional problems are treated with emotional solutions. That being the case, after all this time in dealing with shrinks -- I should be cured! The SSSS, however, seems to have other ideas and is more firmly entrenched than ever..... Also, I never had strep -- or throat

problems. I meditate each and every day which helps tremendously with a wide array of psychological dilemas -- but does nothing for the SSSS. I can be just as easily thrown into a rage by a stranger cracking gum as I can by my beloved husband -- the only difference seems to be that I temper my anger and rage when my husband is involved......God help the stranger, however. For me, this has to be a physical condition......perhaps a form of mild autism or ADD -- both of which seem to run in my family although with a high degree of functionality. I don't know what the answers are......I do know what they are not in my case. What I can tell you is that for me -- there is hope. I DID find a loving man who accepts me AND the SSSS, and loves me with it just as I am. I DO have kids that love me and look out for me -- and while none of my family understands this condition, they do

accept it and show love and patience as well. I MAY have just found a job where even my boss can accept me WITH this just like I am and STILL view me as a valuable employee and STILL want me to work for her -- we'll see how this one turns out, though -- it's a bit early to tell. The only way for me to succeed in life with this is through Honesty, Open-mindedness, and willingness......it's not easy, but I continue to try......sometimes it's good, and other times it really sucks. But I will never, ever give up...... Hang in there everyone! -- Pam__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Psychiatric conditions are rarely cured. Personality disorders, neurosis' and

biologically based mental illnesses are rarely, perhaps never cured. I also

have Bipolar disorder.

Mathew Pankratz

RE: *Possible* reason why we have SSS

wrote:

Psychiatrists are always trying to find some emotional reason for

everything! I definitely feel that SSS is a physiological affliction that

causes emotional and psychological problems......>>

Hi Kathy and everyone,

Kathy, I am in total agreement with you when it comes to

psychiatrists.....I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm 48 years old

and have been dealing with this since age 11 -- a total of 37 years of a life

with SSSS. I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists -- emotional problems

are treated with emotional solutions. That being the case, after all this time

in dealing with shrinks -- I should be cured! The SSSS, however, seems to have

other ideas and is more firmly entrenched than ever.....

Also, I never had strep -- or throat problems. I meditate each and every day

which helps tremendously with a wide array of psychological dilemas -- but does

nothing for the SSSS. I can be just as easily thrown into a rage by a stranger

cracking gum as I can by my beloved husband -- the only difference seems to be

that I temper my anger and rage when my husband is involved......God help the

stranger, however.

For me, this has to be a physical condition......perhaps a form of mild autism

or ADD -- both of which seem to run in my family although with a high degree of

functionality. I don't know what the answers are......I do know what they are

not in my case.

What I can tell you is that for me -- there is hope. I DID find a loving man

who accepts me AND the SSSS, and loves me with it just as I am. I DO have kids

that love me and look out for me -- and while none of my family understands this

condition, they do accept it and show love and patience as well. I MAY have

just found a job where even my boss can accept me WITH this just like I am and

STILL view me as a valuable employee and STILL want me to work for her -- we'll

see how this one turns out, though -- it's a bit early to tell. The only way

for me to succeed in life with this is through Honesty, Open-mindedness, and

willingness......it's not easy, but I continue to try......sometimes it's good,

and other times it really sucks. But I will never, ever give up......

Hang in there everyone!

-- Pam

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> Hey, Neil! It looks like you're getting some interesting responses

> to this so far. I'm not deliberately trying to throw a wrench into

> the works, because your theory might very well be valid--for

*some*

> of us. The profile you outline doesn't really fit me, though.

Hi All

To be honest i thought my message would not get any replies, but its

good there is a mixed response. Marsha has said on the site before

about different severities of SSS. My theory was based on my

personal experience as stated at the beginning of my message, i

class myself as having Mild SSS. The interesting factor to all this

and on many other posts is the CONTROLLING aspect.

Different levels of control might be linked to the severity of SSS.

What triggers the need for control in our lives will be different. I

might be controlling how close people get to me. Others might be

controlling the social environment they are in. The way the mind

deals with it relates to SSS as thats a good way of stopping

something (atmosphere,environment?) or someone getting past a

physcological point in the mind.

It might be an OCD in its own right, what people think is irrational

with an OCD would say the same for SSS.

Keep the comments coming - we can beat this beast i can feel it in

my bones!!!

[Guest guest]

> The aspect of control is particularly intriguing. I think a number

> of people have mentioned the aspect of control over these noises being

> a source of real anxiety. Many of us seem to NEED TO KNOW where a

> noise is coming from (if we haven't already identified the culprit!)

> and immediately think through scenarios that will predict when these

> horrible people will stop making their horrible noises. Knowing how

> much longer one has to tolerate the unpleasantness, or whether there's

> even a chance of making it stop, seems very important.

> Jess

Well said, Jess! I feel like you just read my mind. =)

-

[Guest guest]

Sounds like too much psyscho-analysis BS, I think that this scenario

may apply to some people but far from the entire group, it doesn't

fit. I still think that the hyperacusis type area is are greatest

hope for a cure.

[Guest guest]

I think we are all on here just trying to find similarities and discuss

and express ourselves and our feelings about what we think could be

possible causes. If you think it's BS , thats fine. EVERYONE on here

has opinions and feelings and the expression of them is what is helping

us get by until we find an actual cure. Since we're disagreeing though,

I'll say that based on my understanding of hyperacusis, I totally

disagree with the idea of this being more related to it. That's also

the reason why Marsha doesn't extend this forum to people suffering

from hyperacusis. It's completely seperate. Just my opinion.

Sounds like too much psyscho-analysis BS, I think that this scenario

> may apply to some people but far from the entire group, it doesn't

> fit. I still think that the hyperacusis type area is are greatest

> hope for a cure.

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

> > The aspect of control is particularly intriguing. I think a number

> > of people have mentioned the aspect of control over these noises being

> > a source of real anxiety.

> > Jess

I agree, I think control may be a key issue. My earliest memory of

the problem is to do with control. I was 6 or 7 and trying to get my

Dad to stop biting his finger-nails. He wouldn't or couldn't stop and

it then became a huge issue for me that somehow grew into all the other

things that I can't bear.

G

[Guest guest]

Hey, Newbie here. My name is .

For a fleeting moment, I thought that this hypothesis might have some

validity with me; as I am more vocal about my " Soft Sound Sensitivity

Syndrome " (as I have only today come to know it) with family and

people I am intimate with.

BUT...

It is <i>not</i> only with them that I find noises such as chewing with

mouths open, " snapping " of chewing gum, or nail biting completely

nerve-racking. I think the reason I am more vocal about it with

people I am intimate with is two-fold:

1.) I trust them more to not think I am a TOTAL freak. And being based

on trust and disclosure, I would say this runs a little contrary to

the idea of pushing people away as it involves making one's self more

vulnerable ( " here is one of my defects; I know it's weird but please

understand " ).

2.) I feel like perhaps at least with the people I am close to I can

get SOME people not to chew with mouths open, bite nails, or snap gum

around me. This might be a bit " controlling " (trying to get people

close to me to do or not do certain things), but I don't think it is

any more controlling than a person with smoke-allergies asking others

not to smoke around them.

Worst for me is that some people even make noises that strike my ears

as extremely audible when they ARE chewing with their mouths closed.

I remember as a child getting mad at my siblings for it.

As I have gotten older, I just leave the room, turn up music, or find

some other way to try to cope, since I have come to realize how

ridiculous it is to ask people to " chew quieter " when they are clearly

doing everything they can to do so.

Lastly, I can definitely say that my problem is not exclusive to

people who are close to me. My problem has prompted me to ask total

strangers to make allowances for me, to ask teachers to prohibit

gum-chewing in class, or to move three aisles away from people with

popcorn in the movie theater, etc. I have even gotten off a bus, then

sat and waited for the next one because a woman on the bus was

" snapping " her gum relentlessly and loudly.

I suppose the control theory or the theory of pushing away people one

is intimate with may apply to others with SSS or SSSS, but I doubt it

is sweepingly applicable. And in instances where it is applicable, I

would guess that such issues are ancilliary or coincidental, but not

the roots of the problem.

Just some thoughts.

Yours,

>

> Hi

>

> I had a long chat with a psychologist a few weeks back and i am just

> getting my head around a theory as to why i might have SSS and maybe

> some of you can relate to it as well.

>

> Here goes.....

>

> The ingredients for this receipe are as follows:

>

> A controlling personality.

> A lack of physical contact with your parents as a child (cuddles,

> kisses etc - would of liked that sort of emotional attachment but

> never got it)

> Shy, Quiet Personality (takes a long time to gain confidence with

> people (a few months))

>

> If you mix this all up you may get a 'fear of rejection emotion' by

> that i mean your fear of rejection or getting emotionally hurt is so

> high you create counter measures to ensure you never do.

>

> So many SSS suffers have reactions to their parents, husbands, wifes

> etc eating, breathing, picking habits and many of us dont seem to be

> bothered too much by total strangers noises. Many say over time (a

> few years) the symptoms get worse with the people they live or have

> contact with daily.

>

> Its like you reach a point where you get too close to that person and

> *without you knowing it* your mind fears getting emotionally hurt.

> You never feel true love - you start to create barriers to stop the

> relationship getting any closer (eg losing *control* emotionally and

> being left wide open to hurt), hence you protect yourself through a

> clever little anti-missile device called SSS. How can we truly get

> hurt if we dont allow them to get close - the SSS barrier works like

> a charm.

>

> This may explain why we get this at around 10 years old, pubity kicks

> in for some or at least the changes start and the hormones make you

> interested in the opposite sex and along with that comes the barrier

> of not being rejected. Parents are targets for us because you dont

> want to be rejected by them as you learn this new feeling (falling in

> love) as you get older.

>

> It also explains why noises dont bother us as much when you first

> meet someone, the true love aspect takes a few years to develop and

> when you nearly get there (without you knowing (subconsciously)) your

> mind cant cope with the possible rejection or hurt it might get once

> you have passed that point and so your mind creates ways of stopping

> it happening and it is very good at it!

>

> A hypothetical question:

> If you were to leave your partners tomorrow, would you cope? If the

> answer is " yes i think i would " or " after a month or so i will be

> fine " then maybe its because you are *controlling* how far your

> relationship goes without realising it, is the defence mechanism

> SSS???

>

> Sorry if this does not make any sense to you all, its very hard to

> explain and i am still trying to get my head around it after 2 weeks

> of thinking about it!

>

> Anyway, its another one of those possibilities.... maybe.

>

> Neil

>