Re: Conversation with my brother

January 11, 2006

>So I feel that the relation Jakob needs from me is someone who just

>listen and agree. And I´m so bad at that!

Hi ,

It seems that you found a great teacher.

Just listen and agree. And if you don't agree, just listen.

Have a beautiful day!

Love,

.

January 11, 2006

Hi ). I like Tami's response to your post. I would add that

you and your brother have different stories. If you feel the urge to

help him change his to agree with yours, ask yourself who's business

you're in. You may have been there/done that, but sounds as though

he's just in the process.

I remember my victim years. No one and nothing could have moved me

from it... except myself, and only when I became ready. I was where I

was until I wasn't ;o). He's your perfect teacher! Do you feel the

need to abandon your truth in order to support his? This is a perfect

opportunity for you to practice living your beliefs without imposing

them on him or feeling the need to abandon them in support of him.

Your brother will say and do what he says and does... what does it

have to do with you?

I had a similar situation with my sister not long ago. She called me

to vent about a situation that was painful in her life. Instead of

listening to her, I thought I had to offer her solutions. She later

sent me an email telling me that she hadn't wanted to be challenged or

fixed, she just wanted to be heard. That was such a gift of critisism

because I learned to ask her if she's just venting or does she want my

perspectives and feedback. It's even become a bit of a joke as I say:

" Do you want me to just smile and nodd or can I speak! " LOL

It's okay to tell your brother that you're always available to listen

and that you don't love him less because you may hold a different

belief. You might tell him that you understand his thinking because

yours used to be similar, but you've since changed your mind. Remember

too that there is nothing for you to defend because defense is the

first act of war.

Thank you for sharing the work , and inviting comments. Mine may

or may not be useful! )

Warmly, Sandi

>

> My brother and I have been talking a lot the last couple of days. And

> I have noticed some interesting things about how my mind works. First

> of all he says a lot of things that my mind immidieately starts to

> question " is this really true? " . Some examples: He called our father a

> murderer for putting some of our cats to sleep. The voice in me

> reacted directly: no, this isn´t true, he is not a murderer. When I

> told Jakob my opinion, that I can´t see it that way, he sound very

> upset and said that I was trying to beautify reality.

>

> Then he talked about some painful memories from his childhood and I

> listened, and then I said: I know this is painful but the best part is

> that it is over, it is gone! The only place that it exists now is in

> your thoughts.

> And he got this upset voice again and said: It´s not over, it lives in

> every cell of my body, in my intestines!

>

> And I just can´t believe that cells and intestines have painful

> stories.

>

> He wants to talk a lot about what he has been going through and about

> his pain and suffering, and the monsters our parents are. And when I

> have another opinion or want to tell him about what helped me, the

> Work, he feels that I am trying to convince him to leave the things he

> believes in, to leave his path.

>

> So I feel that the relation Jakob needs from me is someone who just

> listen and agree. And I´m so bad at that! I believe that I have

> something to provide to the conversation, and that could be a totally

> lie. But for me to just sit quiet and listen to all this dwelling

> about our monster-parents, I don´t know if I can do it. And it´s not

> that I don´t understand him. Been there, done that. What I want to

> have with my brother is a dialog. And maybe that´s not possible right

> now, and maybe I am not the right person for him to go through his

> childhood with.

>

> Comments welcome!

>

> Love,

>

January 11, 2006

Dear Sandi,

I am not Tami (at least as far as I am aware ;-) )

So it was me (I think) whose reply you liked.

I also like what you write, often!

Love from Tamara

January 11, 2006

Hi Tamara! I'm so sorry for confusing you with Tami! I seem to be

experiencing much confusion lately! LOL. Thank you for the clarity

which I will not soon forget! It's nice to meet you and to read your

comments. I look forward to more! Thank you for sharing!

Warmly, Sandi

>

> Dear Sandi,

>

> I am not Tami (at least as far as I am aware ;-) )

>

> So it was me (I think) whose reply you liked.

>

> I also like what you write, often!

>

> Love from Tamara

>

January 11, 2006

Dear ,

when you listen to your brother, and you have something to say, write

down what you have to say.

It is for you to hear.

Love,

Am 11.01.2006 um 14:43 schrieb :