Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Larry asked; >and I am sensing based on past experiences and reading here that even >kindess is going to be met with hostility. Am I pretty close? So that >the only response is NO repsonse? And they have to wade thru their >own stuff on their own? I personally don't believe anyone gains by a NO response unless, of course, the BP is violent and is a danger physically to the KO. In SWOE various ways are taught on how to set boundaries, how to mirror back to the BP, and how to free yourself from the guilt and anxiety projected by these people. For me, stating my boundaries was a very important part of MY progress toward freedom. Emphasizing my seperateness is an on going process with my nada. It has required bluntness, and mirroring. Did my nada like it? NO, of course not. But she is intelligent and avoids certain topics with me, complains less to me and overall interacts differently with me now than with my two sisters who have not dared to set boundaries. They still have to play the game of avoidance, and have more upsetting times with her than I do since setting boundaries. I know each case is unique and the same rules don't always apply in each situation. But for me, I'm answering the attempts to suck me in and continuing to set my boundaries. Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Thanks for getting back to me. The problem here is I am being hoovered (annoymously) on another list - nothing to do with BP. I am not related to this person but had a very close relationship at one time that is now being distanced so at the very least *I* can get my feet back under me which I think I have done. My sense of this is that with that persons current state of mind that ANYTHING I do is going to be met with passive agressive hostility. Which I don't see as productive for either of us. I had been enabling this person for about 6 months (at least) and no longer want/chose to do that. I don't like to see people suffer but if that what the unverse needs to happen then I am prepared to allow the universe its truth. anyone else? Larry > Larry asked; > >and I am sensing based on past experiences and reading here that even > >kindess is going to be met with hostility. Am I pretty close? So that > >the only response is NO repsonse? And they have to wade thru their > >own stuff on their own? > > I personally don't believe anyone gains by a NO response unless, of > course, the BP is violent and is a danger physically to the KO. In > SWOE various ways are taught on how to set boundaries, how to mirror > back to the BP, and how to free yourself from the guilt and anxiety > projected by these people. For me, stating my boundaries was a very > important part of MY progress toward freedom. Emphasizing my > seperateness is an on going process with my nada. It has required > bluntness, and mirroring. Did my nada like it? NO, of course not. > But she is intelligent and avoids certain topics with me, complains > less to me and overall interacts differently with me now than with my > two sisters who have not dared to set boundaries. They still have to > play the game of avoidance, and have more upsetting times with her > than I do since setting boundaries. > > I know each case is unique and the same rules don't always apply in > each situation. But for me, I'm answering the attempts to suck me in > and continuing to set my boundaries. > Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 I don't understand how you can be hoovered anonymously if you know who the person is. However, enabling someone never seems to really help them. Depending upon the circumstances, you can just stop the enabling, or you may want to provide an explanation of how you are going to act differently, and then follow through. Sylvia > > > Thanks for getting back to me. The problem here is I am being > hoovered (annoymously) on another list - nothing to do with BP. I am > not related to this person but had a very close relationship at one > time that is now being distanced so at the very least *I* can get my > feet back under me which I think I have done. My sense of this is > that with that persons current state of mind that ANYTHING I do is > going to be met with passive agressive hostility. Which I don't see > as productive for either of us. > > I had been enabling this person for about 6 months (at least) and no > longer want/chose to do that. I don't like to see people suffer but > if that what the unverse needs to happen then I am prepared to allow > the universe its truth. > > anyone else? > > Larry > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Larry, I remember Edith posting something to one of the groups about Counterwill a long time ago. It is in the Gal Friday list: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GalFriday/message/18 (It's too deep for me right now...lol) There's also one on dealing with manipulative people: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GalFriday/message/16 This one looks REALLY good - but again, is too deep for me tonight. But I'm going to read it ASAP! Free > > > Thanks for getting back to me. The problem here is I am being > hoovered (annoymously) on another list - nothing to do with BP. I am > not related to this person but had a very close relationship at one > time that is now being distanced so at the very least *I* can get my > feet back under me which I think I have done. My sense of this is > that with that persons current state of mind that ANYTHING I do is > going to be met with passive agressive hostility. Which I don't see > as productive for either of us. > > I had been enabling this person for about 6 months (at least) and no > longer want/chose to do that. I don't like to see people suffer but > if that what the unverse needs to happen then I am prepared to allow > the universe its truth. > > anyone else? > > Larry > > > > > Larry asked; > > >and I am sensing based on past experiences and reading here that > even > > >kindess is going to be met with hostility. Am I pretty close? So > that > > >the only response is NO repsonse? And they have to wade thru their > > >own stuff on their own? > > > > I personally don't believe anyone gains by a NO response unless, of > > course, the BP is violent and is a danger physically to the KO. In > > SWOE various ways are taught on how to set boundaries, how to mirror > > back to the BP, and how to free yourself from the guilt and anxiety > > projected by these people. For me, stating my boundaries was a very > > important part of MY progress toward freedom. Emphasizing my > > seperateness is an on going process with my nada. It has required > > bluntness, and mirroring. Did my nada like it? NO, of course not. > > But she is intelligent and avoids certain topics with me, complains > > less to me and overall interacts differently with me now than with > my > > two sisters who have not dared to set boundaries. They still have > to > > play the game of avoidance, and have more upsetting times with her > > than I do since setting boundaries. > > > > I know each case is unique and the same rules don't always apply in > > each situation. But for me, I'm answering the attempts to suck me > in > > and continuing to set my boundaries. > > Dee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 I know who she is, she knows who she is, the 5 people on the board that I am close to know who she is but the other 900 don't and of course she is making a feint attempt to make this look lke the person she is talking about is somewhere else. Thats how its done 'annymously " . I am not the one that needs to act differently. Right now she isn't going to listen to ANYTHING I have to say, she is either in melt down or getting VERY close. It may finally be the time to see where the pain shakes out this behavior. Larry > I don't understand how you can be hoovered anonymously if you know > who the person is. However, enabling someone never seems to really > help them. Depending upon the circumstances, you can just stop the > enabling, or you may want to provide an explanation of how you are > going to act differently, and then follow through. > > Sylvia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Thanks I clicked on teh url and was told no dice I am not a member. since it is " girl Friday " am I welcome anyhow? Larry Can you fill me in on the gist of " counterwill " ?? Larry, > > I remember Edith posting something to one of the groups about > Counterwill a long time ago. > It is in the Gal Friday list: > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GalFriday/message/18 > > (It's too deep for me right now...lol) > > There's also one on dealing with manipulative people: > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/GalFriday/message/16 > > This one looks REALLY good - but again, is too deep for me tonight. > But I'm going to read it ASAP! > > Free in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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