Update - long time no post

[Guest guest]

Hey gang! I haven't been on the site for almost a month and I have

really missed it.

I'm happy to report that I think I finally may be able to meet Edith

at the lamp post very soon. I can definitely see them off in the

distance and for the first time, I have REAL hope.

For those of you who were reading some of my previous posts, I have

good news. The last time I was on the site, I was dealing with a

very nasty situation with my DH. When I had my next therapy session,

she REALLY set me straight on some things...gently, of course.

Anyway that whole situation with my former student, Josh, was bad

news. Some of you (my apologies to - I realize now what a

b***h I was - sorry about that!) I THOUGHT I understood healthy

boundaries, but it turns out I didn't have a clue. My T explained to

me that once that healthy boundary line has been crossed, you can

never go back. In other words, I can't have any more contact with

the young man because teachers aren't supposed to be friends with

their students, former or otherwise. My thinking was that since I

was so much better, it was OKAY to have a friendship with him, and it

really sent me over the deep end if anyone thought the relationship

was in any way sexual. The way my T explained it was that if this

boy gets the impression it's okay to have inappropriate relationships

with teachers, then maybe it's okay to have inappropriate

relationships with others, say like a future step-daughter. I

immediately understood what she meant and I was horrified by the

implication. After much soul searching, I came to the conclusion

that my husbands reaction was justified because even though nothing

physically inappropriate ever happened between us, it could and

probably would given enough time. I see myself as being in better

control of myself than that, but I am only human, after all, and

let's face it, the kid was incredibly attractive. It's so hard for

me to admit to myself that I almost commited adultery, and in a way,

I did commit 'emotional adultrey' which in my book is just as bad.

That was really tough for me to swallow as true, but it is. Anyway,

things are fine now between DH and I and we are back to being best

friends and soul-mates again.

The other thing that came up (during an EMDR session) was that I

finally GOT IT. By IT I mean that I understand where so much of my

guilt, shame, and sorrow really came from. I can remember dozens if

not hundreds of times that my nada would say " No child of mine... "

would do or say or think whatever it was that triggered her at that

moment. Frequently, that statement was followed by physical

violence. I'm not talking about spanking in any way, shape or form.

I'm talking about serious physical abuse. It was as if I was not a

human being, but a miniature of her, and if I did or said anything to

embarrass her or deviate from her 'norm', she became the wicked witch

and she would 'turn' as though a switch was thrown inside her head.

During the session, my adult self was there during several of those

incidences and told nada in no uncertain terms that 'she' (Little

Tammy....my inner child....or whatever words you use to describe it)

didn't belong to her, that she belonged to herself.

The most interesting thing that happened was a few days later, I had

a VERY profound dream. In it I was showing Little Tammy around and

telling her all about my life since I met DH and how happy we are

together. The dream gave me some closure, bucause to my mind, she

and I are no longer separate. In the last week, I have been more at

peace since I can remember.

It would be interesting to share some posts with those of you who are

teachers to discuss healthy boundaries in relationships with

students. Any takers?

Love and Blessings,

Tammy

" Seeing the lamp post and praying I don't walk into a telephone pole

on the way there! " lol!!!

[Guest guest]

>

> Hey gang! I haven't been on the site for almost a month and I have

> really missed it.

>

> I'm happy to report that I think I finally may be able to meet

Edith

> at the lamp post very soon. I can definitely see them off in the

> distance and for the first time, I have REAL hope.

>

> For those of you who were reading some of my previous posts, I have

> good news. The last time I was on the site, I was dealing with a

> very nasty situation with my DH. When I had my next therapy

session,

> she REALLY set me straight on some things...gently, of course.

> Anyway that whole situation with my former student, Josh, was bad

> news. Some of you (my apologies to - I realize now what a

> b***h I was - sorry about that!) I THOUGHT I understood healthy

> boundaries, but it turns out I didn't have a clue. My T explained

to

> me that once that healthy boundary line has been crossed, you can

> never go back. In other words, I can't have any more contact with

> the young man because teachers aren't supposed to be friends with

> their students, former or otherwise. My thinking was that since I

> was so much better, it was OKAY to have a friendship with him, and

it

> really sent me over the deep end if anyone thought the relationship

> was in any way sexual. The way my T explained it was that if this

> boy gets the impression it's okay to have inappropriate

relationships

> with teachers, then maybe it's okay to have inappropriate

> relationships with others, say like a future step-daughter. I

> immediately understood what she meant and I was horrified by the

> implication. After much soul searching, I came to the conclusion

> that my husbands reaction was justified because even though nothing

> physically inappropriate ever happened between us, it could and

> probably would given enough time. I see myself as being in better

> control of myself than that, but I am only human, after all, and

> let's face it, the kid was incredibly attractive. It's so hard for

> me to admit to myself that I almost commited adultery, and in a

way,

> I did commit 'emotional adultrey' which in my book is just as bad.

> That was really tough for me to swallow as true, but it is.

Anyway,

> things are fine now between DH and I and we are back to being best

> friends and soul-mates again.

>

> The other thing that came up (during an EMDR session) was that I

> finally GOT IT. By IT I mean that I understand where so much of my

> guilt, shame, and sorrow really came from. I can remember dozens

if

> not hundreds of times that my nada would say " No child of mine... "

> would do or say or think whatever it was that triggered her at that

> moment. Frequently, that statement was followed by physical

> violence. I'm not talking about spanking in any way, shape or

form.

> I'm talking about serious physical abuse. It was as if I was not a

> human being, but a miniature of her, and if I did or said anything

to

> embarrass her or deviate from her 'norm', she became the wicked

witch

> and she would 'turn' as though a switch was thrown inside her

head.

> During the session, my adult self was there during several of those

> incidences and told nada in no uncertain terms that 'she' (Little

> Tammy....my inner child....or whatever words you use to describe

it)

> didn't belong to her, that she belonged to herself.

>

> The most interesting thing that happened was a few days later, I

had

> a VERY profound dream. In it I was showing Little Tammy around and

> telling her all about my life since I met DH and how happy we are

> together. The dream gave me some closure, bucause to my mind, she

> and I are no longer separate. In the last week, I have been more

at

> peace since I can remember.

>

> It would be interesting to share some posts with those of you who

are

> teachers to discuss healthy boundaries in relationships with

> students. Any takers?

>

> Love and Blessings,

>

> Tammy

> " Seeing the lamp post and praying I don't walk into a telephone

pole

> on the way there! " lol!!!

[Guest guest]

Free,

That's an interesting message. I know what you mean w/the woman

hitting one you. I had the most beautiful lesbian neighbor in

college who had a crush on me and wrote the most wonderful poetry,

and yet I wasn't wired that way and thought 'why can't I find a man

like this?' lol. Oh well. I did in the end find someone like that

and she, my lesbian college neighbor, came to our wedding a few

years back. I use to joke how about how I lived in a gay Melrose

place b/c one of our other neighbors was also gay, but he was an

actual teacher finishing up his masters. He was so cool too.

In so far as boundaries and teachers goes, I can say I don't like it

at all when I see teachers and students crossing the boundaries as I

had one teacher in junior college leave me a note on my desk after I

finished finals and went outside to smoke giving me his phone

number. I called him b/c I was a little concerned about my grade, as

he had a week to turn in grades, and he said there was no need to

worrry as I'd made an 'A' fair and square but that he can date

students once they are out of his class. He said he loved my poetry

as it was lit class, but I thought it was so inappropriate to cross

that boundary on his part and I lost all respect for him. In fact I

thought he was a perve even though he was not that much older me and

fairly good looking. I dropped all contact as soon as I found out

for sure grades had been turned in, but I've never forgotten about

that. It seemed to me abuse of power/authority to even think in

those terms and granted I had a lot of libido back then, but I still

knew my boundaries and basic ehtics. I think he was, in retrospect,

a total npd as he told me he always asked out one student from his

class afterwards- like I was the privelaged chosen one that semester-

UGH!!!! That was a sickly feeling knowing he'd hit on other young

students, but then again like I said he wasn't that much older than

us.

I just found out recently my oldest uncle on fada's side married one

of his former high school students. That made my stomach turn, but

makes sense with why she was so much younger and so much prettier

than him. Poor girl had no idea she'd be in for a life of crime as

he's the uncle that's been on America's Most Wanted for grand

larceny. He was one of two all good sons of my grandnada's. The

other all good son lives in Alaska and says that's not far enough

away from her. He's actually the only healthy/normal one of those

six (or should I say sick) kids/uncles and aunts.

Kerrie

> >

> > Hey gang! I haven't been on the site for almost a month and I

have

> > really missed it.

> >

> > I'm happy to report that I think I finally may be able to meet

> Edith

> > at the lamp post very soon. I can definitely see them off in

the

> > distance and for the first time, I have REAL hope.

> >

> > For those of you who were reading some of my previous posts, I

have

> > good news. The last time I was on the site, I was dealing with

a

> > very nasty situation with my DH. When I had my next therapy

> session,

> > she REALLY set me straight on some things...gently, of course.

> > Anyway that whole situation with my former student, Josh, was

bad

> > news. Some of you (my apologies to - I realize now what a

> > b***h I was - sorry about that!) I THOUGHT I understood healthy

> > boundaries, but it turns out I didn't have a clue. My T

explained

> to

> > me that once that healthy boundary line has been crossed, you

can

> > never go back. In other words, I can't have any more contact

with

> > the young man because teachers aren't supposed to be friends

with

> > their students, former or otherwise. My thinking was that since

I

> > was so much better, it was OKAY to have a friendship with him,

and

> it

> > really sent me over the deep end if anyone thought the

relationship

> > was in any way sexual. The way my T explained it was that if

this

> > boy gets the impression it's okay to have inappropriate

> relationships

> > with teachers, then maybe it's okay to have inappropriate

> > relationships with others, say like a future step-daughter. I

> > immediately understood what she meant and I was horrified by the

> > implication. After much soul searching, I came to the

conclusion

> > that my husbands reaction was justified because even though

nothing

> > physically inappropriate ever happened between us, it could and

> > probably would given enough time. I see myself as being in

better

> > control of myself than that, but I am only human, after all, and

> > let's face it, the kid was incredibly attractive. It's so hard

for

> > me to admit to myself that I almost commited adultery, and in a

> way,

> > I did commit 'emotional adultrey' which in my book is just as

bad.

> > That was really tough for me to swallow as true, but it is.

> Anyway,

> > things are fine now between DH and I and we are back to being

best

> > friends and soul-mates again.

> >

> > The other thing that came up (during an EMDR session) was that I

> > finally GOT IT. By IT I mean that I understand where so much of

my

> > guilt, shame, and sorrow really came from. I can remember

dozens

> if

> > not hundreds of times that my nada would say " No child of

mine... "

> > would do or say or think whatever it was that triggered her at

that

> > moment. Frequently, that statement was followed by physical

> > violence. I'm not talking about spanking in any way, shape or

> form.

> > I'm talking about serious physical abuse. It was as if I was

not a

> > human being, but a miniature of her, and if I did or said

anything

> to

> > embarrass her or deviate from her 'norm', she became the wicked

> witch

> > and she would 'turn' as though a switch was thrown inside her

> head.

> > During the session, my adult self was there during several of

those

> > incidences and told nada in no uncertain terms that 'she'

(Little

> > Tammy....my inner child....or whatever words you use to describe

> it)

> > didn't belong to her, that she belonged to herself.

> >

> > The most interesting thing that happened was a few days later, I

> had

> > a VERY profound dream. In it I was showing Little Tammy around

and

> > telling her all about my life since I met DH and how happy we

are

> > together. The dream gave me some closure, bucause to my mind,

she

> > and I are no longer separate. In the last week, I have been

more

> at

> > peace since I can remember.

> >

> > It would be interesting to share some posts with those of you

who

> are

> > teachers to discuss healthy boundaries in relationships with

> > students. Any takers?

> >

> > Love and Blessings,

> >

> > Tammy

> > " Seeing the lamp post and praying I don't walk into a telephone

> pole

> > on the way there! " lol!!!