Re: re: looking to the future...

[Guest guest]

I have never placed limits on my kids.  I pushed them harder in

their weaknesses because if they think, they CAN overcome.  My

daughter decided to stop her medication a few weeks ago and she's

all over the place (add), and with help, she is starting to place

self imposed limits on her own thoughts instead of using the

medicine to do it.  Oh, it's hard, but she is maturing and becoming

a young lady and has good solid self discipline.  She was always

taught to not give up, to set goals then self regulate herself,

THINK before acting, and to watch who she hangs with.  we've had a

few close calls, but she is turning into a fine upstanding lady.

I am mildly autistic (undiagnosed) I know that there are some limits

to my abilities, but I did not have those placed on me, I discovered

them myself.  For instance, my memory does not allow numbers. 

Birthdays, street addresses, math, just can't do it.  But I DID do

it!  I found tricks to help me.  I wrote down the multiplication

tables on my scrap paper before a test using tricks and adding on my

fingers.  I got software (or a book) and put birthdays and special

occasions in it.  I refused to give up, and eventually became an

electronics technician and computer programmer!  What I had the most

problem with is that I am language oriented, but because of my

weaknesses I focused more on what I hated instead of what I loved.

I'm 45 now, retired, own my own house, car, and am nearly out of

debt on everything important. I also plan on going back to school

and possibly getting a degree.

I think I'd point out that there are many that are not able

to drive and name them and perhaps show pictures.  (people

without good vision, maybe amputees, people with intellectual

disabilities, maybe people that are too

short ---dwarfs? possibly people with hearing problems b/c you

need to be able to hear ambulances, etc)  

 

Driving is a privilege, not a right of passage.  Maybe

explain that not everyone can do other things too.  Not

everyone can be a doctor, or an astronaut, or whatever..... 

 

[Guest guest]

I am the 39-year-old single mother of four boys with autism spectrum disorders and varying degrees of ability and cognition. I have been a mom for 20 years this July and my question is- How do you balance cautious optimism with harsh reality? How do you explain to your child, who is growing up,that he cannot do something because he would not be able to successfully do this thing without probably devastating consequences? How do you explain to your autistic child that they will probably never have children, that he will not go to a traditional college setting,that despite the fact that he is 16 and will soon be 18 and then 21 that I cannot let him go to a party by himself because I know that not only is he naive but he is also completely gullible and all I want is for him to grow up happy and healthy but my responsibility is also to protect him because he has the mind of a small child. My 16-year-old son, who has the mind of a 5-year-old, desperately wants to drive. But I know I can't let him, he would never be able to pay attention to everything going on around him to be able to drive in a safe manner. I feel for him but instead I allow him to drive a four-wheeler with an adult/responsible driver with him.I frequently have this issue with my sons and it is so hard. I once told my sons that I have their best interests at heart, but I also have my family to back me up and give me support when I need. I'm just looking for some friends to talk to that are outside my situation, I can look to to be objective and maybe make points of view that I have not thought of.Thank you for taking the time to read this and to add me to your group. Thanks!_,_._,___Autistics do marry; I've known of those who have. And have children as well. Do they need help with the children part? Yes, but that's not impossible to get. Some autistics, such as my son, will likely never marry it's true.....but in the case of my son (who's not alone, I think), it's his choice. There are colleges that have courses of study and support systems open to people with special needs, including autism. I'm sure there are people here who can tell you which ones they are. So a college education is not outside the realm of possibility; whether it's for a career or a job is dependent largely on your son's functional level. There is a young man in my city with Down Syndrome who just opened his own cafe (breakfast & lunch only); he got his experience as a bus boy and later a host in a restaurant here (with a job coach, until he learned the ropes) and then went to a university with special programs and earned a degree in restaurant management. He's a success, his parents help out, and he hires other developementally challenged folks as wait staff and bus staff!There are social possibilities for our guys as well. And if there aren't, it's possible to start them. For example, 5 years ago I started a dance for autistic and developmentally delayed adults of all functional levels that has become very popular and "the place to be" one Friday a month among that population. Our dance is a cross between the typical nightclub experience and a party, and some parents are now leaving their people off there since they know we can be trusted. There's also Special Olympics where friendships can start (and some romances!) and flourish. You might attack the driving issue by appealing to the "green" side of things. Tell him that it's more socially responsible to ride a bicycle here and there, that many adults do so. And that with a bike, he won't be out gas or insurance. Go riding with him! Get him to a bike safety course (check the Y for this) with a responsible adult.At 16, your son should be starting into his transition training when he starts school again. Meet with his teachers to plot out exactly what he needs to make his adult life a success, and to see what sheltered employment opportunities there are for him. If he's not on your state's disability waiver program, get him listed; when it takes effect, there are many things the state can help with through specialized therapists they employ.My son is 31, HFA/AS. He moved into assisted living when he was 21, and started working when he was (I think) 23; he's assistant sexton at a church, 2 days a week. He has two volunteer activities he takes part in: Meals on Wheels and dog walker at the Animal Shelter. He's active in Special Olympics and Boy Scouts (there are troops for special folks) and has earned medals in the first and badges in the second. He was non-verbal till he was almost 6, and started talking about the same time he potty trained. His prosody was screwy, and he was clumsy as could be. No "expert" gave him a chance at achieving any of the things he's doing now.So there is hope for your son. I know it's hard to believe it when you've had a really frustrating day and the blues has got you bad. But really, it does get better.Here if you need help! Annie, who loves ya annie@...***************************************"If a little daydreaming is dangerous, the cure of it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time." -- Marcel Proust

[Guest guest]

It depends on the level of autism.  I know a number of people who

have aspergers who are working in univerities or in research. 

Others have successful careers.  It depends a lot on their ability,

and on finding things they can do well.  If you find things you

enjoy and can do well, you don't feel like you're missing out so

much when there are things you can't do.  After all, everyone has

things they can't do, or can't do well.  Even the Einsteins of the

world have their limitations.

Riley

 

 

I am the 39-year-old single mother of four boys

with autism spectrum disorders and varying degrees

of ability and cognition. I have been a mom for 20

years this July and my question is-

How do you balance cautious optimism with harsh

reality? How do you explain to your child, who is

growing up,that he cannot do something because he

would not be able to successfully do this thing

without probably devastating consequences? How do

you explain to your autistic child that they will

probably never have children, that he will not go to

a traditional college setting,that despite the fact

that he is 16 and will soon be 18 and then 21 that I

cannot let him go to a party by himself because I

know that not only is he naive but he is also

completely gullible and all I want is for him to

grow up happy an! d healthy but my responsibility is

also to protect him because he has the mind of a

small child.

My 16-year-old son, who has the mind of a

5-year-old, desperately wants to drive. But I know I

can't let him, he would never be able to pay

attention to everything going on around him to be

able to drive in a safe manner. I feel for him but

instead I allow him to drive a four-wheeler with an

adult/responsible driver with him.I frequently have

this issue with my sons and it is so hard. I once

told my sons that I have their best interests at

heart, but I also have my family to back me up and

give me support when I need. I'm just looking for

some friends to talk to that are outside my

situation, I can look to to be objective and maybe

make points of view that I have not thought of.Thank

you for taking the time to read this and to add me

to your group. Thanks!_,_._,___

Autistics do marry; I've known of those who have.  And have

children as well.  Do they need help with the children part?

 Yes, but that's not impossible to get.  Some autistics,

such as my son, will likely never marry it's true.....but in

the case of my son (who's not alone, I think), it's his

choice.  

There are colleges that have courses of study and

support systems open to people with special needs,

including autism.  I'm sure there are people here who can

tell you which ones they are.  So a college education is

not outside the realm of possibility; whether it's for a

career or a job is dependent largely on your son's

functional level.  There is a young man in my city with

Down Syndrome who just opened his own cafe (breakfast

& lunch only); he got his experience as a bus boy and

later a host in a restaurant here (with a job coach, until

he learned the ropes) and then went to a university with

special programs and earned a degree in restaurant

managemen! t.  He's a success, his parents help out, and

he hires other developementally challenged folks as wait

staff and bus staff!

There are social possibilities for our guys as well.

 And if there aren't, it's possible to start them.  For

example, 5 years ago I started a dance for autistic and

developmentally delayed adults of all functional levels

that has become very popular and "the place to be" one

Friday a month among that population.  Our dance is a

cross between the typical nightclub experience and a

party, and some parents are now leaving their people off

there since they know we can be trusted.  There's also

Special Olympics where friendships can start (and some

romances!) and flourish. 

You might attack the driving issue by appealing to the

"green" side of things.  Tell him that it's more socially

responsible to ride a bicycle here and there, that many

adults do so.  And that with ! a bike, he won't be out gas

or insurance.  Go riding with him!  Get him to a bike

safety course (check the Y for this) with a responsible

adult.

At 16, your son should be starting into his transition

training when he starts school again.  Meet with his

teachers to plot out exactly what he needs to make his

adult life a success, and to see what sheltered employment

opportunities there are for him.  If  he's not on your

state's disability waiver program, get him listed; when it

takes effect, there are many things the state can help

with through specialized therapists they employ.

My son is 31, HFA/AS.  He moved into assisted living

when he was 21, and started working when he was (I think)

23; he's assistant sexton at a church, 2 days a week.  He

has two volunteer activities he takes part in: Meals on

Wheels and dog walker at the Animal Shelter.  He's active

in Special Olympics and Boy Scouts (there are troops for

special folks) and has earned medals in the ! first and

badges in the second.  He was non-verbal till he was

almost 6, and started talking about the same time he potty

trained.  His prosody was screwy, and he was clumsy as

could be.  No "expert" gave him a chance at achieving any

of the things he's doing now.So there is hope for your

son.  I know it's hard to believe it when you've had a

really frustrating day and the blues has got you bad.  But

really, it does get better.

Here if you need help!

Annie, who loves ya              

      anni! e@...

***************************************

"If a little daydreaming is dangerous, the cure

of it is not to dream less but to dream more, to

dream all the time." -- Marcel Proust