Re: Eating Disorders and the Process of eating normal again

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Wow. This triggers (in a good way) so many thoughts and responses that I don't

know where to begin. So let me start from the end--my Inner Editor works on my

own posts (often getting overly involved and preventing me from saying what I

really want), or on stuff I get paid for. I'm not here to edit anyone else's

posts! I'm here to read, to learn, to support, and to be supported.

Next--have you listened to #124? " What if you believe that left to your own

devices you’d balloon up like the good year blimp? Plus, how to get off the in

control and out of control rollercoaster. "

Continuing in no particular order--

You know what they say--I never metaphor I didn't like. :-) If it works for

you--use it!

A very wise woman I met on this journey talked about sometimes feeling

vulnerable, and wanting to crawl back into the fat suit. She got rid of all her

fat clothes except a parka--on those vulnerable days she'd snuggle into it,

putting on actual protective layers instead of protective layers of fat.

Since your metaphor is a vehicle, I tried coming up with a similar way you could

keep the framework of a vehicle, the potential motion of a vehicle, without

putting you back in a vehicle taking you in the wrong direction. I'm afraid that

all I could come up with was a Flintstones Car! LOL!

Something else that comes through to me is your strength.

I said I didn't pursue purging because the ease of it scared me. The other thing

that scared me was the power behind it.I don't know if that makes any sense, but

it seemed like something that could totally take me over. So I'm impressed by

the strength you have in facing the purging head on and choosing a different

way. I also think that--no matter what the circumstances that took you

there--you need a lot of strength to commit to a three-month inpatient stay to

treat the anorexia.

How do you feel about all that strength, being available to move you in new

directions--because you'll no longer need it for the struggle?

I know that I'm sometimes exhilarated by the thought of where I can go when I

release the struggle, and I'm sometimes terrified by it. Which is basically why

I have set my intention for this journey to be easy, enjoyable, and SLOW. I'm

giving myself time to adjust to the little shifts in size, and the big shifts in

attitude. Heh. Maybe that's why my own response to the vehicle is a car that's

propelled by the driver's feet....

(Whose Inner Editor is torn between leaving all of 's comments, and

cutting it short for anyone reading the list as a digest. I'll do some trimming,

but keep in mind that you can read the whole post on the web site.)

________________________________

From: Livingston <jenniferpl@...>

weightloss

Sent: Sun, November 21, 2010 6:11:25 AM

Subject: Re: Eating Disorders and the Process of eating

" normal " again

,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response.

You pegged my thoughts almost exactly. Life is a journey -- My issues with food

and body are part of that journey. They are not the journey itself and yet they

have often been the vehicle for change. I have spent a lot of time in

discussing with a wise counselor why I ended up in my particular vehicle and how

and why it made the world a safer place for me....I want to want to

fully abandon this vehicle now.

....

All that being said opening up and getting out of the vehicle has been

frightening and so I quite regularly jump back in to take the car for a

comfortable spin. But the engine is old and the seat has become uncomfortable

for me. ...

So without metaphor. ... I created a

mantra for my 43rd birthday. It is: May I be loving and kind to myself and

others; May I be alive to wonder; May awakeness abide with me; and finally, May

I be all that I am. ...But the old soundtracks that beckon me to

certain vehicles still sing to me. Luckily the new soundtracks have much

lovelier melodies and are getting a strong hearing as well. (I dont think it is

possible for me to write without metaphor!)

....

P.S. If you are an editor you may be having a hard time getting through this

letter....I never think I have anything to say until I start typing. I swear

that my talk cells are linked to my typing cells!

_,_._,___