Re: Self Esteem and male attention

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you so much for your well thought out and eloquent response. I was

certainly NEVER proud of my body and was ashamed which , thinking back now was

one of the reasons I gained weight!!!! Lightbulb moment!!! I had no idea that

this could have figured in my weight gain as well as my need for attention.

It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with your daughters, and I am

so glad they are proud of their bodies - they should be proud of their Mum too.

I appreciate your maternal hug across space and time and I am sending you one

right back!

Although I haven't spoken to my mother for many years (there were lots of other

issues!!!!) I forgive her and am sending her one too.

Thanks again,

 Vicky Roderick

________________________________

From: <lsageev@...>

weightloss

Sent: Thu, 15 April, 2010 6:59:54

Subject: Re: Self Esteem and male attention

 

Oh, (((Vicky)))

I'm the mother of teenage girls who were NOT happy to develop early. I wasn't

always sure what to say to them--partly since it's not a problem I faced. I

tried helping them through by validating that they feel uncomfortable now--but

assuring them that they would (could, anyway) eventually come to appreciate

their ... natural assets. It took a while, but they've grown a lot more

satisfied with their figures.Proud, even.

You know how the podcasts often say something about sending out our energy

across time and space to fellow listeners? I'm sending back a maternal hug and a

message to your teenage self. It's OK for you to be happy with the woman you're

becoming. It's OK for you to enjoy your body. For YOU, not for anyone else. Yes,

it can be uncomfortable, to feel that you're different from the other girls. But

as they catch up, you'll be free to let go of this as an issue.

(((Vicky's younger self)))

And I'm going to spare a hug for your mother, too. Without knowing her--I can

imagine her. Faced with a growing girl who was upset that the boys seemed

interested in her for all the wrong reasons. So perhaps she was trying to

address the surface issue--that you were getting too much attention--without

addressing the deeper issue--your own discomfort with your changing self. Sure

sounds like it came out wrong, but I'm hoping that was her positive intent--to

reassure you that the false interest in you would die down. With the corollary

that remaining male attention would be because of your true self. (Reading

between the lines--and perhaps jumping to conclusions- -it also sounds like she

had some of her own issues around what causes male interest--which would make

it harder to pass on a loving, validating message to her daughter.)

____________ _________ _________ __

From: victoria knappett <victoriaknappett>

weightloss @groups. com

Sent: Wed, April 14, 2010 3:25:06 PM

Subject: [insideoutweightlos s] Self Esteem and male attention

 

I remembered something last night that I think has had a bearing upon my self

esteem ever since. I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience?

When I was a young woman I developed quicker than my peers and I remember my

Mother saying to me  " you may be the prettiest now but when the other girls

catch up the boys won't be interested anymore " . 

Ever since this point my self esteem has almost depended on me proving her

wrong!! It's like if I don't have men looking at me and appreciating me, that I

don't feel I'm worth anything. I know that this thinking needs to be challenged

and I want to be in control of my own self esteem without relying on male

attention.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

 Vicky Roderick