Re: yipes

[Guest guest]

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... My ex, left 1 month after dx. He

didn't see Ravi for as many as 10 months at a time ... <snip> ... "

miminm, this is very significant and important.

When you go to court, have all your dates on paper so you can say:

" In [month] our son was diagnosed with [diagnosis]. In [month] my

ex-husband left the marriage. From [month he left] to [tenth month

after that], my ex-husband chose not to have contact with our son.

In [month] I agreed to supervised visitation every second week where

my ex-husband was to visit with our son on [day] for [number of

hours]. My ex-husband only exercised his right to visitation on

[exact dates and length of each visit]. "

Have a straight forward and simple detailing like this so it will

show the lack of involvement by CHOICE that your ex-husband has

chosen to have with Ravi. This is what the courts like to hear ...

unemotional, factual, easy-to-follow information regarding custody

and visitation so the courts can rule on the current situation.

This is not micro-managing. This is providing the courts with

pertinent information.

This will also come in handy in future years when your ex-husband

may take you to court. And, ultimately, it will also come in handy

should your child ever want to see (which he may well do when he's a

teenager) if his father really wanted to see him when he was a

child. The teen years are rebellious years for many children and

without proof, you may find yourself on the receiving end of false

allegations and hormonal fears from your boy.

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... (thank-you Raven I have to own up to

being the driving force to my son's progress) ... <snip> ... "

You are a devoted and dedicated mom, miminm, and it is good to see

you standing up and declaring loudly that you are, most definitely,

a devoted and dedicated mom. The proof is in the progress your

child has made and continues to make every single day. :-)

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... I wanted to know what to expect

tomorrow. He said we would discuss it. He doesn't have time to

talk to me, he's too busy (those words frighten me, I work so hard

to make my son ready for each new step. There is no being

unprepared) ... <snip> ... "

miminm, this is an old and dirty fighting tactic meant to keep the

opposing party off balance and on their toes. Your ex-husband is

doing this knowing that it upsets you and frightens you. Once you

understand that this tactic is usually used by people who do not

have a strong case to argue in their favour, you know that they are

far more afraid of your facts than you are of their misdeed and/or

lack of action.

I know this will sound outrageous but if you can talk with your

mirror self and tell your mirror self that your ex-husband is afraid

his actions will speak poorly of him as a father, it will help you

realize that your actions will speak loudly of your devotion to your

child while his actions will speak loudly to his lack of involvement

and lack of dedication to his son.

Trust me ... it really works. :-D

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... All this and the graduate degree I am

seeking to be accepted to is for speech and language pathology. I

admit that I require fiancial aide. A loan would even be great but

the process is backward. Sign up, be accepted pay and then we will

give you a loan if you can get a letter from the department head. I

am still pursuing this, but it seems crazily out of reach ...

<snip> ... "

I hope all of this works out in your favour, miminm. Keep the

faith. You have online friends and colleagues who are pulling for

you and your Ravi.

Raven

[Guest guest]

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... My ex, left 1 month after dx. He

didn't see Ravi for as many as 10 months at a time ... <snip> ... "

miminm, this is very significant and important.

When you go to court, have all your dates on paper so you can say:

" In [month] our son was diagnosed with [diagnosis]. In [month] my

ex-husband left the marriage. From [month he left] to [tenth month

after that], my ex-husband chose not to have contact with our son.

In [month] I agreed to supervised visitation every second week where

my ex-husband was to visit with our son on [day] for [number of

hours]. My ex-husband only exercised his right to visitation on

[exact dates and length of each visit]. "

Have a straight forward and simple detailing like this so it will

show the lack of involvement by CHOICE that your ex-husband has

chosen to have with Ravi. This is what the courts like to hear ...

unemotional, factual, easy-to-follow information regarding custody

and visitation so the courts can rule on the current situation.

This is not micro-managing. This is providing the courts with

pertinent information.

This will also come in handy in future years when your ex-husband

may take you to court. And, ultimately, it will also come in handy

should your child ever want to see (which he may well do when he's a

teenager) if his father really wanted to see him when he was a

child. The teen years are rebellious years for many children and

without proof, you may find yourself on the receiving end of false

allegations and hormonal fears from your boy.

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... (thank-you Raven I have to own up to

being the driving force to my son's progress) ... <snip> ... "

You are a devoted and dedicated mom, miminm, and it is good to see

you standing up and declaring loudly that you are, most definitely,

a devoted and dedicated mom. The proof is in the progress your

child has made and continues to make every single day. :-)

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... I wanted to know what to expect

tomorrow. He said we would discuss it. He doesn't have time to

talk to me, he's too busy (those words frighten me, I work so hard

to make my son ready for each new step. There is no being

unprepared) ... <snip> ... "

miminm, this is an old and dirty fighting tactic meant to keep the

opposing party off balance and on their toes. Your ex-husband is

doing this knowing that it upsets you and frightens you. Once you

understand that this tactic is usually used by people who do not

have a strong case to argue in their favour, you know that they are

far more afraid of your facts than you are of their misdeed and/or

lack of action.

I know this will sound outrageous but if you can talk with your

mirror self and tell your mirror self that your ex-husband is afraid

his actions will speak poorly of him as a father, it will help you

realize that your actions will speak loudly of your devotion to your

child while his actions will speak loudly to his lack of involvement

and lack of dedication to his son.

Trust me ... it really works. :-D

miminm wrote: " ... <snip> ... All this and the graduate degree I am

seeking to be accepted to is for speech and language pathology. I

admit that I require fiancial aide. A loan would even be great but

the process is backward. Sign up, be accepted pay and then we will

give you a loan if you can get a letter from the department head. I

am still pursuing this, but it seems crazily out of reach ...

<snip> ... "

I hope all of this works out in your favour, miminm. Keep the

faith. You have online friends and colleagues who are pulling for

you and your Ravi.

Raven

[Guest guest]

I echo Raven's wishes miminm. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and

prayers.

Kim

>

> I hope all of this works out in your favour, miminm. Keep the

> faith. You have online friends and colleagues who are pulling for

> you and your Ravi.

>

> Raven

>

[Guest guest]

Thank-you,

To clarify my ex does go to the visits he just doen't understand what

words an inaction can do. When I am at the visit I act as the

emmisary. I modify what dad has said that might confuse or frighten

Ravi, but I am cautious not to loudy or inconsideratly correct him

and I give dad his time with Ravi, I make extra visits if I will be

in that area. Mostly I do a lot A LOT of begging. Citing material,

bringing him reports showing him video and showing him the results

and gains ravi has made. It puts me in a very volitile position. I

am my son's shield. So it ends up being my job to plead for

patience. I have never denied access or love, my ex just doesn't get

what might be meaningful to a 6 year old(didn't call on his birthday

or get his child a gift) I had to explain today that putting Ravi at

risk to appease his girlfrind is unfair to the 6 year old. This

woman believes her dog has rights as a child and couldn't understand

why the dog may need to be put in another place when Ravi was over(so

Ravi hasn't been over) Ravi tends to wind dogs up and this one is a

boxer/rottie mix. I was told by his Psyc evaluator that even the

most docile dog may nip to get space from an over excited boy. I

deal with several adult children so Ravi has the unique job of having

to become more self reliant before I allow interaction unsupervised.

I know it's crazy why wouldn't I want my son to be alone with these

individuals?? I know I can't protect him forever, I know this will

happen soon I just push it off for Ravi to be ready. Don't even get

me started on overnights

[Guest guest]

The issue I think boils down to three, and I am going to state them

in terms of questions...

1) Do you have what it takes to care for a special needs child?

2) Do you want to care for a special needs child?

3) Can you tolerate a special needs child?

If the answer to any one of the questions is " No " it means that

parents opt to kill their kid.

In the first instance, they admit they are incapable parents.

In the second instance, they admit they are selfish (self-serving)

parents.

In the third instance, they admit they are intolerant.

Although the only people they will admit these things to are

themselves and the abortionist.

I went to school with kids with Downs, I worked with a few in

teacher training, and we had a kid with Downs living down the

street. They require more care and nurturing than other kids, and

loads of patience, but they are not so bad.

I think that any parent who thinks they cannot care for a kid with

Down's either underestimates their own ability, or else they are

just selfish.

In this culture, selfishness is perfectly and socially acceptable,

provided you don't broadcast that you are being selfish.

This is why people can make choices to excise special needs kids

from their lives, and why people believe that special needs kids who

live are abortions who survived.

Now I want all of you with AS to know that genetic pre-selection for

autism is right around the corner, and because most of society

thinks those people who have autism are abortions who lived, future

generations of autistic may never be born.

Go to bed and think about that instead of whatever pleasant thoughts

you think of when you close your eyes at night.

You and I, and everyone else with autism are abortions that lived,

and most people would kill us if they could.

Tom

Administrator

Down's syndrome, testing and the choice to choose abortion(let me say

that that option is chilling) Down's children are non-violent,

childlike, cogitively delayed and yet the article states that 90% of

couples that get the test choose to opt out. I know discussion is

difficult, I know it all walk's a knifes edge. Eliminate what we

don't like

[Guest guest]

>

> The issue I think boils down to three, and I am going to state them

> in terms of questions...

>

> 1) Do you have what it takes to care for a special needs child?

>

> 2) Do you want to care for a special needs child?

>

> 3) Can you tolerate a special needs child?

>

That was why I posted this. I participated in a genetic study with

this in the back of my mind. As Aspies we want to work to make the

world a better more honest better run place as Nt's people want quick

easy perfection with no effort (makes sense) boy not at all.

I didn't know if I had what it took to be Ravi's mom. Not at the

begining when they said, ok, have no hope, and it gets worse from

here. well i lived despite that. Others made it as well but doctors

impose their inability on you. do you think the couple gets told

what is good, doable, managable. Are they given a way to prepare.

No doom and gloom and leave the room.

2. I was never told how to care for a special needs child and i

still haven't been. if I don't come up with it the school doesn't

either.

3. that's the easy one. A loving parent has no problem tolerating

their child(ok maybe it isn't exactly easy) but love offers a lot of

slack, and goes much farther than money.

people want all the benefits and none of the costs. that i believe

is the road to purgatory. Would someone call the 50's we need that

spirit back. innovation, responsibility, values

[Guest guest]

Try to imagine a time before medical technology gave us the options we

have today. Add to that the hardship of not having the modern

conveniences to make our lives easier.

Parents in the olden days were parents in every sense of the word.

Parents these days who opt to kill their kids cannot hold a candle to

them.

There is an advantage to them killing us spectrum people though. If

spectrum people are ones like Edison and Gates, then human progress

will halt and people will forever be stuck at the point where they are

now. Given that most people don't really undberstand global warming

and what effect it has on extinction and planetary climate changes,

perhaps a good chunk of humanity will get wiped out and then it will

all recalibrate...with more autistics being born once more.

Tom

Administrator

people want all the benefits and none of the costs. that i believe

is the road to purgatory. Would someone call the 50's we need that

spirit back. innovation, responsibility, values

[Guest guest]

mimi wrote: " ... <snip> ... I didn't know if I had what it took to

be Ravi's mom. Not at the begining when they said, ok, have no

hope, and it gets worse from here. well i lived despite that.

Others made it as well but doctors impose their inability on you. do

you think the couple gets told what is good, doable, managable. Are

they given a way to prepare. No doom and gloom and leave the room ...

<snip> ... "

Long before I had Cub, I decided I did not want to be a parent. I

thought I knew I had no parenting skills whatsoever. The entire time

I was pregnant, I was unsure of my parenting skills and so I read

quite a bit on the subject and, believe it or not, watched dogs and

cats that had litters to care for because I thought who better to

learn from than a living, breathing example? My ex, on the other

hand, thought he would be a shoe-in as a parent anda over the past 11

1/2 years, he has proven that he did not have the moral fibre to step

up to the plate and parent a child, never mind a special needs child.

mimi wrote: " ... <snip> ... I was never told how to care for a

special needs child and i still haven't been. if I don't come up

with it the school doesn't either ... <snip> ... "

Neither was I and I was told many sob stories by medical

professionals about how awful life was going to be raising such

a 'damaged' child. Yeah, right! I didn't believe them back then and

I don't believe them now.

The school system is just as bad and for years now, I have been

battling the school administration and school board mentality that

believes that children with disabilities are just taking up place in

their schools and so the school board should barely accommodate them

while taking in the most money possible from the Ministry of

Education for just having the kids enrolled in their district.

mimi wrote: " ... <snip> ... A loving parent has no problem

tolerating their child (ok maybe it isn't exactly easy) but love

offers a lot of slack, and goes much farther than money ...

<snip> ...'

In some ways, I think I am very fortunate. Cub has a way about him

that makes it easy for many to love him and to embrace him as their

own on some level. A loving parent sees so much value in each child

and this makes it easy for others of similar focus to see so much

value in each child.

And I am doubly blessed because my boyfriend accepts and loves my

child as I do and that makes everything all the better because of it.

Parenting may not be easy, but the dividends are incredible when you

invest yourself to the maximum with children.

Raven

[Guest guest]

If the answer to any of those questions is no, then maybe it best to

chose not to be a parent in the first place? and no I do not mean

abortion, I mean make the choice not to have children, not to get

pregnant (where choice is involved).

Also another point why some may be put off is by others narrow minded

opinions and ignorance and personally I have not always been aware of

autism (as I now know it), I knew very little of autism until I

started researching.

Theoretically if one takes a young naive mum to be and fills her head

with basically 'horror stories' and worst case scenarios and no one

supports her and everyone tells her she would be crazy to have the

child, I could imagine that would not be a nice position to be in,

but I sadly suspect in some cases that this might be the case :-(

>

> The issue I think boils down to three, and I am going to state them

> in terms of questions...

>

> 1) Do you have what it takes to care for a special needs child?

>

> 2) Do you want to care for a special needs child?

>

> 3) Can you tolerate a special needs child?

>

> If the answer to any one of the questions is " No " it means that

> parents opt to kill their kid.

>

> In the first instance, they admit they are incapable parents.

>

> In the second instance, they admit they are selfish (self-serving)

> parents.

>

> In the third instance, they admit they are intolerant.

>

> Although the only people they will admit these things to are

> themselves and the abortionist.

>

> I went to school with kids with Downs, I worked with a few in

> teacher training, and we had a kid with Downs living down the

> street. They require more care and nurturing than other kids, and

> loads of patience, but they are not so bad.

>

> I think that any parent who thinks they cannot care for a kid with

> Down's either underestimates their own ability, or else they are

> just selfish.

>

> In this culture, selfishness is perfectly and socially acceptable,

> provided you don't broadcast that you are being selfish.

>

> This is why people can make choices to excise special needs kids

> from their lives, and why people believe that special needs kids

who

> live are abortions who survived.

>

> Now I want all of you with AS to know that genetic pre-selection

for

> autism is right around the corner, and because most of society

> thinks those people who have autism are abortions who lived, future

> generations of autistic may never be born.

>

> Go to bed and think about that instead of whatever pleasant

thoughts

> you think of when you close your eyes at night.

>

> You and I, and everyone else with autism are abortions that lived,

> and most people would kill us if they could.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>