Re: Bullheaded

[Guest guest]

KIm,

I am sorry to hear what is going on. Hopefully your mom will be more

receptive to treatment shortly. Sometimes the initial shock of

discovery makes patients be non-compliant. Hopefully she will be more

cooperative now.

But there is one thing you may need to accept. At some point she may

elect NOT to have additional treatment, and if that is the case, I

should think your duty to her would be only to ensure that her

decision has been made rationally, and then honor her decision.

We will be here for you throughout all this.

Tom

Administrator

Went in with Mom for chemo cycle Thursday but she showed the Dr. a

new lump.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Kim wrote: " Went in with Mom for chemo cycle Thursday but she showed

the Dr. a new lump. He thought it may be an absess and the surgeon

said she must go to hospital. Mom was angry and just about refused

but I managed to calm her enough to relent. Surgeon saw her that

night and was worried that she was not in pain the way one would be

with an absess. Told us it may be another tumor ... <snip> ... "

Kim, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I hate

it when no one in an organization co-ordinates their movements and

people without authority overstep theirs. If you need support in some

way, please feel free to post and let us know what this support looks

like to you.

Raven

[Guest guest]

kim. I hope you do what you think is best and that you can forgive

yourself for being mortal. It is difficult to care for someone that

is afraid. You are brave. Your mother must or should know how much

you love and need her. I wish you the best mimi

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

One of the things you might want to consider is if you mom has a GP

or an internest, get them involved. They should be the person

coordinating all of the other DR.'s. We had a similar problem, and

my mom's GP took the easy way out, he wasn't on staff at the hospital

her cancer guy and the surgeon were at so we had to get a GP at the

hospital to organize things. The regular DR's job is to organize all

of the speicalty DR's my mom thought she could do this herself, and

could until she got really sick. Do it now before it gets worse. We

went through hell and I don't want you or your mom going through the

same mess.

Most hospitals don't test on the weekends, she may have been smart

going home this way she didn't have to sit around a hospital all

weekend uncomfortable. In addition most people in hospitals for a

long period of time, get sick, staff infections ect, she may have

avoided worse complecations going home. If not you did everything

you could do, you can't take any blame for her actions or the

repercusions of them. You are doing the best you can as a dutyful

loving daughter and you should be proud of you actions.

Take care, I am here for you and understand,

Beth

Co-administrator

>

> Went in with Mom for chemo cycle Thursday but she showed the Dr. a

> new lump. He thought it may be an absess and the surgeon said she

> must go to hospital. Mom was angry and just about refused but I

> managed to calm her enough to relent. Surgeon saw her that night

> and was worried that she was not in pain the way one would be with

> an absess. Told us it may be another tumor.

>

> After surgery the next morning, I spoke with the Dr. and he told me

> it was a large tumor and quick pathology said it's cancer again.

> This does not bode well as the growth occured so quickly while on

> the chemo. (At these times, I'm glad I do not break down but am

> calm and ask the appropriate questions) I left to take care of her

> dog while my sister stayed with Mom. The oncologist came and spoke

> with them during this time. He wants to wait for the full

pathology

> report to recommend next course of action. He ordered a bone scan

> for the next day.

>

> Later the surgeon came in and she begged him to let her go home.

He

> told her that she could when he had not authority to do so. By the

> time I got there, my sister was at the nurses station waiting for

> the call from the Dr. who could release her. I spoke with him and

> agreed that it was in her best intrest to stay until the scan was

> done. I said I would try to reason with Mom and convince her to

> stay.

>

> Went down to her room and she was dressed, packed, and ready to

go.

> If one Dr. said she could go then she was GOING! Resident, nurses,

> and my sister and I could not change her mind. She signed out AMA

> and I took her home with only a prescription of antibiotics. She

> has only had one dose of 1 asprin 325mg since yesterday. I stayed

> the night, took tempature, gave her lots to drink, small bits of

> food, measured and recorded her drainage/times and amounts then

> changed her dressing this morning. Tried to get the ball rolling

to

> get her the bone scan, follow-up appointment etc. but not much can

> be done until Monday. Won't be able to post much as I will be at

> her home daily while the kids are at school.

>

> Kim

>

[Guest guest]

> But there is one thing you may need to accept. At some point she may

> elect NOT to have additional treatment, and if that is the case, I

> should think your duty to her would be only to ensure that her

> decision has been made rationally, and then honor her decision.

That is exactly what I said to the surgeon when we spoke. I want her to

have all the information before making any decision and have played out

the duel scenarios in my head. We have spoken at length about quality

vs. quantity of life and I'm sure that's why she made me her power of

health attorney. Your support is appreciated.

Kim

[Guest guest]

>I hate hospitals and always dread going to the doctor worrying that

> there will be bad news of some kind.

That sums up my Mom's feeling too. Thanks for caring.

Kim

[Guest guest]

> I hate it when no one in an organization co-ordinates their

movements and

> people without authority overstep theirs.

This is where she focuses her anger right now, not on the disease.

>If you need support in some way, please feel free to post and let us

know what this support looks

> like to you.

Everyone has problems and it's good to know I can share what we are

going through. Thank you Raven.

Kim

[Guest guest]

>You are brave. Your mother must or should know how much

> you love and need her.

I guess not fearing what will be makes me brave but I do not know any

other way. Mom knows and is grateful for all her family, friends and

neighbors. All she asks for is our prayers. Thanks miminm.

Kim

[Guest guest]

> if you mom has a GP or an internest, get them involved. They should

be the person

> coordinating all of the other DR.'s.

Excellent advice! It's been a queer day of explaining to the many

different offices what occured, why I was calling, and what I needed

from them. It didn't help that Mom wants to put off the bone scan,

first because she claustrophobic and second that it may show the cancer

has metastized. That type of info will make her rethink whether to

continue with treatment. I do not blame her for being scared but

waiting only prolongs the inevitable.

> Most hospitals don't test on the weekends, she may have been smart

> going home this way she didn't have to sit around a hospital all

> weekend uncomfortable.

Oh, but signing out AMA may make her responsible for the bill as well as

leaving us blind as to when she can go to have the bone scan done which

would have been finished on Saturday, or appointments for drain removal

and post-op stitch removal. It slows the process down for the

onocologist who needs the scan to give her a full picture of what she's

facing. If this cancer is growing this fast on chemo any slowing down

of her getting new treatments can only lessen her chances of beating

this. Thank you for you support Beth.

Kim