Re: Meanderings

[Guest guest]

....So I sat there

> wondering if someone was going to come up to me and ask me when my

> surgery was going to be. It was very uncomfortable and has been

> bugging me at the back of my brain for days, so I just had to

write

> it out to you guys. You would understand.

> So here are my meanderings at 2am. I am sorry it was so long.

> Sharon in Onyx

Well, no one would ever come up to you and ask when you are having

the DS because you are too thin for the DS. You might be just right

for the RGB, however! LOL! I hope you see my humor, it is a bit

twisted this morning.

Marta

who just realized she forgot to mail in $150 worth of phone rebates

and is sick to her stomach...

[Guest guest]

Sharon... You share my own thoughts. I have lost 130 pounds, but am still

in the " very round " category. Believe me, I have had my miracle... but

alas, I will never be in the ranks of the " normal. " Oh, how I wish I was.

But, in the meantime, I will glory in my ability to walk, to breathe, to

work, to shop, to play.

But thank you for speaking out for those of us who do not " share the dream "

that so many here have gloried in. We are out here... and we have

experienced success... but it is not the success some here share.

My love to those of you are still are " round " -- even post surgery.

Elle

Meanderings

> Hi all,

> I have found myself up at 2 am this morning, must have been the

> onion rings at BK...ah well, I have been pondering something that

> happened to me last friday when my DH and I went to the Dr with our

> youngest son (23) because he was looking at having surgery for the

> holes at the base of his spine.

> When we got to the place on Truxton, imagine my surprize, it was

> Bakersfield Surgical Center and " the " place to go for RnYs. I went

> in and was accosted by a woman in there named Betty who comes to the

> Delano support group meeting and she knew my name. She brings

> another woman in to see Dr K that will be having the DS. Betty

> however had the gastric bypass and has lost 147 lbs. She loves our

> support group meetings and said she would see us in Nov.

>

> Anyways, I was sitting there wondering, and looking around at all the

> people there who were obese and wanted deperately to stand up on a

> chair and shout that there are other surgeries out there, and that

> the DS is the best and to check it out. But didnt, sigh, because I

> didnt want to insult them? No, that wasnt it. Because I didnt want

> to make them envious of me? No, that wasnt it either. I couldnt do

> it because I didnt feel like I am a good example of what the DS can

> do. Now before you all jump on me about this (like the good friends

> you are), let me explain.

> I still feel fat. I still am fat - according to the worlds

> standards, and those who dont know that I have lost 143 lbs. I know

> that I have come a long way, and have basically succeeded, BUT I am

> not the poster child the DS needs. I could just hear their thoughts-

> " well if that is all the DS can do, I will stick with the gastric

> bypass, Just look at Carnie! She did great. " So I sat there

> wondering if someone was going to come up to me and ask me when my

> surgery was going to be. It was very uncomfortable and has been

> bugging me at the back of my brain for days, so I just had to write

> it out to you guys. You would understand.

> So here are my meanderings at 2am. I am sorry it was so long.

> Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

> Well, no one would ever come up to you and ask when you are having

> the DS because you are too thin for the DS. You might be just

right

> for the RGB, however! LOL! I hope you see my humor, it is a bit

> twisted this morning.

>

> Marta

> who just realized she forgot to mail in $150 worth of phone rebates

> and is sick to her stomach...

Dontcha just hate it when that happens? I did it last month and when

I went to mail it in, it was to late 124 bucks to late! aauugh!

Sharon in Onyx

who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

funny!

[Guest guest]

> Well, no one would ever come up to you and ask when you are having

> the DS because you are too thin for the DS. You might be just

right

> for the RGB, however! LOL! I hope you see my humor, it is a bit

> twisted this morning.

>

> Marta

> who just realized she forgot to mail in $150 worth of phone rebates

> and is sick to her stomach...

Dontcha just hate it when that happens? I did it last month and when

I went to mail it in, it was to late 124 bucks to late! aauugh!

Sharon in Onyx

who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

funny!

[Guest guest]

SHARON!!!!!! don't even think that way!

>

> Sharon in Onyx

> who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

> Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

> meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

> these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

> funny!

[Guest guest]

SHARON!!!!!! don't even think that way!

>

> Sharon in Onyx

> who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

> Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

> meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

> these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

> funny!

[Guest guest]

> love ya, cindy lee

Oh Lee,

I know that I am a success, really I do. And we do look like a

couple of hotties in those pics!

I am happy with my results, just not confident in them, I guess. I

know I have succeeded as far as the surgery goes. But before you get

to upset with me, think about this.

Would You be satisfied at 192 lbs a size 16? I know you passed it up

a long ways ago and I am so dang proud and happy for you. I am happy

for me too. I am glad I dont weigh the 335 lbs I did before. I was

just not confident enough in my success to stand up and say this is

what the DS can do for you. Now if I was that cute size 8 I would

shout it from the rooftops! Am I making any sense here?

I would do this surgery again in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. Even

if this is all I got, because this is a miracle to me. But it may

not look like such a miracle to someone else...

Sorry, I didnt want to make you, my friends feel bad, just had to

share my thoughts

Sharon in Onyx

who knows she is a daughter of the King, a princess, and rejoices in

that fact every day. ::Smiles, and adjusts crown::

[Guest guest]

Sharon-

I want to remind you that you ARE a good example of what the DS can

do. Dunno if you remember me mentioning my ex-sister in law who had

the RNY...but I am SURE that you know of MANY RNY patients who by

their second year have ballooned back up in their weight. If I

recall you continue to loose weight..and NOT re-gain it (even if it

is slow)...remember one of the awesome reasons why we have selected

the DS is to NOT be a failure. You are not a failure....you ARE a

prime example of success. Imagine yourself if you had taken a

different path, RNY maybe, scarey isn't it? You are a beautiful

person, a beautiful woman, and you make smart choices. Remember that!

Sandi

I couldnt do

> it because I didnt feel like I am a good example of what the DS can

> do.

[Guest guest]

> Hi Elle,

> I am so glad I am not the only one and that someone understands

what

> I am saying.

> And yet I wish that I was the only one so everyone else would be

able

> to share the " dream " of being " normal " .

> I wish everyone could be like Jo, Amy, Dee, , Deeanne,

Anne,

> Kairen, , Lee etc....you know who you are . But WE

are

> all so different. Please dont get me wrong, I DO NOT begrudge

anyone

> who has reached normal weights and appears to the outside world

> normal. I dont resent you, or even wish fat upon you, lol, I

rejoice

> with you in your successes. Your successes gave me courage enough

to

> try. I am so thankful, and grateful for all of you, and for where

> this ride has taken me. I just realized sitting there in that

room,

> that I will never be normal, and can not be the poster child for

the

> DS. I am afraid that my success would not inspire anyone to do

the

> DS that is all.

> Sharon in onyx

> who is still trying for the 180's by Dec. 20th. My 2 year

> anniversary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Standing here with folded arms taping my foot... " Now who said

you weren't normal? " Do we even know what normal is??? My normal

to me is being 185 lbs with a size 36 " waist.I know I am still

overweight,but to me I am skinny...lol

Yep,our minds play silly things with us,but you are a success!!!!

and wheather you lose another pound,which I know you will you

are a success to me...I remember seeing you the first time and

looking at your saddle bags thinking how small you would be

when they were gone....Don't beat yourself up Sharon,you are

doing good and just remember that we love you no matter what

size you are...I have met so many friends since this surgery,

and am very blessed to have each and everyone of you.

YOU ARE A SUCCESS!!!!!

God bless

Pat

[Guest guest]

Sharon

I hate it that you feel that way, but I also understand it. Being

honest with myself I would probably feel the same. That does not

make it right though...it just means we still have work to do in our

heads.

I am glad that you have brought it up for discussion. I often worry

about the ones who don't lose into the skinny sizes. I don't worry

about them because I think they didn't succeed..indeed they have. I

worry because THEY think they didn't succeed. Then they hate to come

to support meetings and things like that. They greive and beat

themselves up.

I will tell you right now...If you stood me and Elle before Dr. K

and asked him which was his biggest success...Elle would win hands

down. Her health has IMPROVED the MOST. She has went from disabled

to very ABLE. I know everyone knows this in their heads...now if we

can just teach the heart to beleive.

Sharon you don't NEED to lose another ounce in order to stand proud

of all that you have accomplished...you represent the DS

wonderfully, You have lost weight and will never weigh over 300

pounds again. You can eat normally and not vomit. You can even

enjoy desserts when you want to. You don't have to chew your food

to mush and you are healthy. A PERFECT example of the DS and what

it has to offer. Having said all that I know it isn't just about

what you NEED...but what you WANT.

Hugging my beautifully perfect friend

Jo

[Guest guest]

On the other hand. I dream of looking 1/2 as good as you do when I am

> finished with MY ride on the DS magic carpet. Thanks for being

such an example of beauty AND grace.

> in Tacoma

>

> 355.5 / 250 / ??

But , you already do! And please wish for more...lol! Your

right in the middle of your ride and doing great. And when that

panni is gone you are going to be so surprized at the difference. I

know I was/am at mine.

Just hang on the ride still has a way to go.

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

> Sharon-

> I want to remind you that you ARE a good example of what the DS can

> do. Dunno if you remember me mentioning my ex-sister in law who

had the RNY...but I am SURE that you know of MANY RNY patients who by

> their second year have ballooned back up in their weight. If I

> recall you continue to loose weight..and NOT re-gain it (even if it

> is slow)...remember one of the awesome reasons why we have selected

> the DS is to NOT be a failure. You are not a failure....you ARE a

> prime example of success. Imagine yourself if you had taken a

> different path, RNY maybe, scarey isn't it? You are a beautiful

> person, a beautiful woman, and you make smart choices. Remember

that!

> Sandi

Yea, well if I had had the RnY I would be inline right now to get it

changed to a DS becuse I would have gained it all back by now....that

is if I had lost it in the first place....Nope Only the DS would do

for me. I would never have made it as a RnY'r...never...

Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

> Sharon

>

> I hate it that you feel that way, but I also understand it. Being

> honest with myself I would probably feel the same. That does not

> make it right though...it just means we still have work to do in

our

> heads.

:::Yep, this head work is hard.

>

> I am glad that you have brought it up for discussion. I often

worry about the ones who don't lose into the skinny sizes. I don't

worry about them because I think they didn't succeed..indeed they

have. I worry because THEY think they didn't succeed. Then they hate

to come to support meetings and things like that. They greive and

beat themselves up.

:::That is why I am so thankful for the good friends I have made thru

this journey. Because I dont go to the support group meetings to

weigh in...Nope I havent weighed in in a support group meeting since

the 3rd meeting I attended after DS surgery...(I had gained

according to the scales- so I never got back on it- unless it is

during a check up). I go to see you guys and to revel with your

successes, and my own. To eat, drink and be merry, with people who

understand me and love me. If it werent for my friends, I wouldnt

attend a meeting...

>

> I will tell you right now...If you stood me and Elle before Dr. K

> and asked him which was his biggest success...Elle would win hands

> down. Her health has IMPROVED the MOST. She has went from

disabled to very ABLE. I know everyone knows this in their

heads...now if we can just teach the heart to beleive.

::I agree, and so does Elle. She is a whopping success, with a life

and no more restrictions. It is such a freedom.

>

You have lost weight and will never weigh over 300

> pounds again. You can eat normally and not vomit. You can even

> enjoy desserts when you want to. You don't have to chew your food

> to mush and you are healthy. A PERFECT example of the DS and what

> it has to offer. Having said all that I know it isn't just about

> what you NEED...but what you WANT.

::::I know the quality of my life is amazing, and the fact that I

will never see 300 again, or even 200 is a miracle. Just gotta get

further away from that 200 mark (it was real close again this

morning) but will be gone in a couple of days- I know).

It isnt about what I need- and what I want right now is a steak taco

from taco bell....Jo, be a dear and go eat one for me will ya?

Hugging you right back,Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

Consider yourself jumped all over! You silly girl! Of COURSE you

are a poster child for the DS! I don't think anyone in their right

mind would ask you when you're having your surgery. I repeat what I

said to Cindee. You have GOT to get a new self-image! We are not

all the same and we are not all going to look like Carnie

when we're done with our weight loss. This surgery isn't about

looking like a model. It's about regaining our health and self-

esteem. (Sounds like you need some work on that, sweetie!)

Big hugs!

Tracey

> Hi all,

>

I couldnt do

> it because I didnt feel like I am a good example of what the DS

can

> do. Now before you all jump on me about this (like the good

friends

> you are), let me explain.

> Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

> Sharon in Onyx

> who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

> Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

> meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

> these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

> funny!

Whew, been at work forever today! Anyway, Sharon, RGB stands for

Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.

What I meant was, since you are barely a tiny bit overweight, then

you could be the poster child of the ideal pre-op gastric bypass

patient since they only lose a tiny bit of weight.

I was so surprised to read that you don't feel proud of yourself

because I see you as a shining star, just glowing with happiness.

Funny, even I am overweight and not sure where the hell I am stowing

it. Must all be in the panni because my face and legs and chest are

all smaller than they used to be at this weight many, many, many

years ago.

Marta

[Guest guest]

> Sharon in Onyx

> who is scratching her head about the rgb. Is that like the vgb?

> Funny, but I was thinking during Dr Z's talk at the support group

> meeting, if I had a vgb put on now, maybe, just maybe, I could get

> these last 35 pounds off. then they could remove the band. too

> funny!

Whew, been at work forever today! Anyway, Sharon, RGB stands for

Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.

What I meant was, since you are barely a tiny bit overweight, then

you could be the poster child of the ideal pre-op gastric bypass

patient since they only lose a tiny bit of weight.

I was so surprised to read that you don't feel proud of yourself

because I see you as a shining star, just glowing with happiness.

Funny, even I am overweight and not sure where the hell I am stowing

it. Must all be in the panni because my face and legs and chest are

all smaller than they used to be at this weight many, many, many

years ago.

Marta

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean Marta, I think the charts say I am overweight

too - but I don't know how. It's gotta be skin. Off to the plastic

surgeon tommorrow. Unfortunately I will have to have my 4 year old in

tow! Oh well, my girls are just gonna think surgery is part of life!

hugs, cindy lee

> Funny, even I am overweight and not sure where the hell I am

stowing

> it. Must all be in the panni because my face and legs and chest

are

> all smaller than they used to be at this weight many, many, many

> years ago.

>

> Marta

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean Marta, I think the charts say I am overweight

too - but I don't know how. It's gotta be skin. Off to the plastic

surgeon tommorrow. Unfortunately I will have to have my 4 year old in

tow! Oh well, my girls are just gonna think surgery is part of life!

hugs, cindy lee

> Funny, even I am overweight and not sure where the hell I am

stowing

> it. Must all be in the panni because my face and legs and chest

are

> all smaller than they used to be at this weight many, many, many

> years ago.

>

> Marta

[Guest guest]

> I had lost 143 lbs. " really, you are going to loose more arent

> you? " I just said I hope to and she went about her business.

> Sigh....

Ouch...talk about kicking you when your down...Ya know even though

she was STUPID, it still hurts to be kicked. Ok doll...I always

look at things in the realm of " what is life trying to teach me "

So... you were in a doctors office and didn't feel like the prime

example of a DSer...now this STUPID lady sticks her finger right

into your sore spot and wiggles it....is the timing just chance? Or

is life pushing you into the direction your supposed to take? What

comes to mind is you keep saying that you want to get further away

from that 200 pound mark..is life motivating you to look at your

diet a little closer and to pump up the exercise program? Mind you

I think your perfect just the way you are...but YOU don't.

Jo

[Guest guest]

> How many lbs do they think you will lose with the

pannie??

> in Bama

> Rny to Ds revision 12/03

> Down102lbs!!

> Thanks to Dr. K!

He told me ten pounds, but that was last spring. So, it could be up

to ten pounds or a little less as I have lost about fifteen or

twenty pounds since last spring.

Marta

[Guest guest]

Go eat lunch With another person with

> one of the other surgeries. You'll go home and send Dr. K a thank

you

> card....LOL. in Bama

> Rny to Ds revision 12/03

> Down102lbs!!

> Thanks to Dr. K!

I usually tell Unknowing Ones that if they went out to lunch with me

they would not be able to tell that I had WLS.

Marta

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/22/2003 2:26:26 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

roseofsharon_ps121@... writes:

> I still am fat - according to the worlds

> standards, and those who dont know that I have lost 143 lbs. I know

> that I have come a long way, and have basically succeeded, BUT I am

> not the poster child the DS needs.

Losing 143 pounds and living, not just existing...sounds like a poster child

of success to me. We are REAL people and we come in all shapes and sizes. I

just read about how women tend to see themselves as heavier than they really

are and that if they added 20% to what they thought they should weigh, they

would be their right weight! Now, I know the point is image and our own vision

of what it means to be a success...and I know, Sharon, that all the love,

acceptance and belief we have about your success cannot make your mind perceive

what we see.

To quote a very famous and beloved surgeon, " I can fix your bodies, you have

to work on your minds. "

You are a great SUCCESS, Sharon, and no one can take that way from you!

Hugs and blessings, Ann

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/22/2003 6:45:26 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

elle@... writes:

> But, in the meantime, I will glory in my ability to walk, to breathe, to

> work, to shop, to play.

Congratulations, Elle, on all of the above! May you find peace within your

success. Hugs and blessings, Ann

[Guest guest]

Sharon sweetie, you ARE a great example of this surgery! That woman

was a great example of a fat phobic BIGOT! She thinks weight loss

surgery is for vanity reasons, not health. And that doctor who told

your friend to have WLS over 30 pounds is an absolutely

irresponsible moron who should have his license pulled! Those are

the kinds of doctors that perpetuate the myth that this surgery is

for looks only.

Sharon, don't let anyone, especially a bigot, make you feel like

you're anything less than a success. You have your LIFE back and

strangers have no idea what you've gone through to get it back.

As far as I'm concerned, you are my hero!

BIG HUGS!

Tracey

>

> today while getting my nails done, my nail lady said her Dr told

her

> she was gaining weight and should think about the RnY!!! Yep, she

is

> a whole 30 lbs overweight and he suggests surgery. So while I was

> discussing this with her the lady having her nails done with the

nail

> lady next to mine asked me how I knew so much about the different

> surgeries and my nail lady said " well, Sharon had the surgery "

the

> other lady looked at me and asked " really? " and then the

> kicker " are you happy with your results? " I told her yes, and

that

> I had lost 143 lbs. " really, you are going to loose more arent

> you? " I just said I hope to and she went about her business.

> Sigh....

>

>

>

>

> >Funny, even I am overweight and not sure where the hell I am

stowing

> > it. Must all be in the panni because my face and legs and chest

> are all smaller than they used to be at this weight many, many,

many

> > years ago.

>

>

> ::::It is your panni...I keep telling you that. When you loose

that

> panni and get that hernia repaired, you will be positively tiny,

and

> people will tell you to stop loosing and eat more! lol

>

> Sharon in Onyx

[Guest guest]

...is life motivating you to look at your

> diet a little closer and to pump up the exercise program? Mind

you I think your perfect just the way you are...but YOU don't.

>

> Jo

Okay, Mamma Jo,

I know you are right on the money here. I am just having huge

willpower issues right now, and I guess a little depression to ice my

cake. I have been upping the exercise, but I have not been able to

get thru one entire day without " cheating " . But I havent given up, I

will keep trying. My goal is 10 lbs in 10 weeks. I will be in the

180s with pat then and then I will only have 20 lbs to go! lol

My insurance denied me again, they are still refusing to pay for the

reconstruction surgery. I sent in another rebutal and asked them how

they can consider a hernia repair cosmetic as they refuse to even

address that issue of the surgery. I also asked for Drs reports on

the reasoning for their denials. They will all come in handy when my

attorney gets a hold of them. I am thinking of hiring Walter

Lindstrom...or maybe Nick. (who we havent heard from in quite a

while. Hey Nick, are you out there?) I think this is part of my

problem, then there are those who kick me when I am down.

But I am down no longer. This weekend I cleaned out my closet and

drawers and took 3 huge bags of clothing to the womens shelter. I do

not own any clothes that are to big for me, or to small. I only have

clothes that fit me- for the first time in my life....all my clothes

fit. So there!

And cleaning house, yep that is making me feel better...

Oh, and Jo have you ever eaten at Cactus Valley Rest on Rosedale?

They have a salad called the Tapoto salad. It has lettuce tomato,

avocado refried beans on a corn tortilla all topped with chicken that

has been grilled with a lime juice (that is kinda like the tacos at

taco bell). It is the best salad I have ever eaten. MMMmmmm!

Sharon in Onyx

who will not go quietly into the nite!