1st Try at Family therapy - Ugh

[Guest guest]

Well today we had our first meeting with my husband, myself and my

daughter. The counsellor explained OCD etc and asked a few

questions. I honestly thought things had been getting better at home

this past month as there have been hardly any crying spells and no

rages. This was down from crying everyday and rages about every 3-4

days. I was optomistic with the new meds just starting to kick in.

Boy I should not put the cart before the horse is all I can say. My

daughter was so stressed out at this session, her arms folded, a mad

look on her face. When I got tears in my eyes when the counsellor

asked me how I felt my daughter got mad at me for being choked up

when I began to answer. She said don't fake it mom, you don't care.

You hate me and are always mad at me.

At that moment I could almost feel my heart break. That is the

furthest thing from the truth but she told me I don't have to say

it, she just knows I think it!?!?!

I love her so much, and worry constantly about her. How could she

think that?

Sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault.

Kim M

[Guest guest]

Kim,

This is not your fault. I put that trip on myself sometimes also. Your

daughter was just acting on her anxiety. Your daughter is feeling very

emotional that all this is her fault. My son has many times said strange

things like " Do you wish I wasn't born? " " I have torn up our whole family "

" I'm spending all our families money on all this " , etc, etc, Anyway, I have

been amazed how guilty he has felt for this and sure sometimes those

feelings can be turned around. Its all out of frustration of all this

tearing up the family, seeing us upset, etc.

I have been wondering if there are some statistics about OCD and lyeing

recently. Seems many people I have talked to that either are OCD or know

someone OCD has made remarks to me that the person lies a lot. My son can

lie also, but I think it is out of desperation of trying to feel better with

the anxiety. I don't know. Would be interested in what others think?

Well, hang in there and keep going to your therapy. Sounds like it is good

in that your daughter is at least letting out some emotions the first day.

Keep in mind that therapist are use to this and understand this better than

you, I am sure she knows you love your child and are a good mom. If you

didn't you wouldn't be paying money and spending time to be in the therapist

office.

Adele

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Kim

Sent: Tuesday, October 24, 2006 1:26 AM

Subject: 1st Try at Family therapy - Ugh

Well today we had our first meeting with my husband, myself and my

daughter. The counsellor explained OCD etc and asked a few

questions. I honestly thought things had been getting better at home

this past month as there have been hardly any crying spells and no

rages. This was down from crying everyday and rages about every 3-4

days. I was optomistic with the new meds just starting to kick in.

Boy I should not put the cart before the horse is all I can say. My

daughter was so stressed out at this session, her arms folded, a mad

look on her face. When I got tears in my eyes when the counsellor

asked me how I felt my daughter got mad at me for being choked up

when I began to answer. She said don't fake it mom, you don't care.

You hate me and are always mad at me.

At that moment I could almost feel my heart break. That is the

furthest thing from the truth but she told me I don't have to say

it, she just knows I think it!?!?!

I love her so much, and worry constantly about her. How could she

think that?

Sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault.

Kim M

[Guest guest]

Kim,

Hurray to you and your husband for taking those much needed steps to

family therapy! I have been where you are and I know the pain you feel

when your child says cruel things. Hang tough, it will get better. One

on one sessions with my husband and I helped a lot to get us on the

same page and working together to stand firm when the rages come on.

When our son sees that we are working together as parents, the blame

game decreases.

Hang in there, it will get better, she will get through this. It's not

your fault, and like all of us parents, we don't like to see our

children suffer and we want to fix it. Be patient, don't let ocd run

your home or your lives, it is the unwanted guest and it needs to

follow your rules.

Take care,

DZ

>

> Well today we had our first meeting with my husband, myself and my

> daughter. The counsellor explained OCD etc and asked a few

> questions. I honestly thought things had been getting better at home

> this past month as there have been hardly any crying spells and no

> rages. This was down from crying everyday and rages about every 3-4

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/24/2006 1:27:49 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

missmeowza@... writes:

She said don't fake it mom, you don't care.

You hate me and are always mad at me.

At that moment I could almost feel my heart break. That is the

furthest thing from the truth but she told me I don't have to say

it, she just knows I think it!?!?!

I love her so much, and worry constantly about her. How could she

think that?

Sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault.

Kim

I think most parents at some point feel that perhaps it's something they did

that caused this.... it's not true though. I think we all know that,

however I also think that if, psychologically, you can put your finger on

something

or someone and say, " Look - there's the cause... that's what did it. " that

somehow it will be easier to fix - or maybe just make more sense to us. Who

knows what the reasoning behind the thoughts are, but just remember it's not

true & it's NOT your fault.

Could it be the OCD making her say something like that? Could it be that

she's just so angry & scared about what's going on with her that she's going to

lash out at the one person she loves most & knows is there for her 110% of

the time?? I think I've heard that reaction is not uncommon.

I know all this blabber doesn't make it any easier when you hear your child

say something like that. I wish I could think of something to say that would

help. What did the doc say at that point?

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/24/2006 2:09:21 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

adelem@... writes:

.. Seems many people I have talked to that either are OCD or know

someone OCD has made remarks to me that the person lies a lot. My son can

lie also, but I think it is out of desperation of trying to feel better with

the anxiety. I don't know. Would be interested in what others think?

Adele

I haven't seen anything like this in my dd..... that is, above & beyond what

a teenage girl might " bend the truth " about :-)

LT

[Guest guest]

Kim,

Try not to take what your daughter says to heart. I know it hurts! My daughter

has always said to me, " I hate You " when things are not going well. It breaks my

heart, but just remember that with all her emotions all over the place, she is

only talking out of anger and anxiety.

It's not your fault! Your doing the best you can!

hugs

Judy

Kim <missmeowza@...> wrote:

Well today we had our first meeting with my husband, myself and my

daughter. The counsellor explained OCD etc and asked a few

questions. I honestly thought things had been getting better at home

this past month as there have been hardly any crying spells and no

rages. This was down from crying everyday and rages about every 3-4

days. I was optomistic with the new meds just starting to kick in.

Boy I should not put the cart before the horse is all I can say. My

daughter was so stressed out at this session, her arms folded, a mad

look on her face. When I got tears in my eyes when the counsellor

asked me how I felt my daughter got mad at me for being choked up

when I began to answer. She said don't fake it mom, you don't care.

You hate me and are always mad at me.

At that moment I could almost feel my heart break. That is the

furthest thing from the truth but she told me I don't have to say

it, she just knows I think it!?!?!

I love her so much, and worry constantly about her. How could she

think that?

Sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault.

Kim M

[Guest guest]

I've noticed that here and there mostly to avoid something etc OCD

related but I do feel her whole manipulation part of her personality is

ocd so the lies may tie in

Quoting jtlt@...:

>

> In a message dated 10/24/2006 2:09:21 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> adelem@... writes:

>

> . Seems many people I have talked to that either are OCD or know

> someone OCD has made remarks to me that the person lies a lot. My son can

> lie also, but I think it is out of desperation of trying to feel better with

> the anxiety. I don't know. Would be interested in what others think?

>

>

> Adele

>

> I haven't seen anything like this in my dd..... that is, above & beyond what

> a teenage girl might " bend the truth " about :-)

> LT

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/24/2006 1:27:49 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

missmeowza@... writes:

She said don't fake it mom, you don't care.

You hate me and are always mad at me.

At that moment I could almost feel my heart break. That is the

furthest thing from the truth but she told me I don't have to say

it, she just knows I think it!?!?!

I love her so much, and worry constantly about her. How could she

think that?

My son also when he is hurt or angry will say that to me - the first few times

it hurt, but now I just think to myself that it is not really him speaking. I

also wonder how my son can say these things when he knows how much I have

done/doing for him. But then we have such precious times together that they

override any bad words.

Take care and know that they usually lash out at the ones they love the most and

feel most safe with.

Jackie (New Zealand)

Sometimes I just feel like it's all my fault.

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

Your only fault is caring obsessively for the life of your daughter. My son

pre OCD was fun,

upbeat, positive and never complained about anything After OCD he became

mean, verbally abusive, whinney, and miserable -no one wanted to be around

him.

Only people who really love and care for their OCD child would stick around

and take this huge emotional hurt. At a time when the OCD child gets OCD , I

think they are so mentally weak that they get a strange sense of power to

manipulate a person that cares the most. By attacking the caring person they

feel

they can jerk every fiber in your body.... and they do.

Parents will do anything to releive the miseries of OCD in their child. We

take so much hurt because we have so much faith that our once perfect child

will return.

I feel your pain,

Dana