Re: Re: end of the road

[Guest guest]

You're not a loser. You didn't know! We can't begin to know the

struggle you've dealt with all these years, but we can try, and

there's not many people here who would say you're overreacting. It's

so hard. I know.

Now that you do know, you can explore the resources available. I'm

not saying it's going to be easy. It's probably going to be very

hard. You can vent here. Maybe some of us can point you in the right

direction. Where are you located? Some of us may know of a resource

in your area! We get so involved with advocacy that we may have the

latest scoop on resources in your area. Call the Autism Society.

Maybe they can help.

I'd like to think I had more resources, but every step has been a

struggle. Clueless doctors. Clueless therapists that I had to train

in my son's and my neurological disorders first. Clueless school

officials. So clueless. My son's neurological and physical disorders.

My own. So much pain. So much pain. I'm 48. I'm tired. A lot of this

I don't want to do anymore, but the pinprick of light at the end of

the tunnel keeps me going. I try to find something to be grateful for

every day, even if it's a roof over my head, as much as I hate, hate,

hate the roof. I found out when I was 36 that my problems I'd

struggled with all these years were not in my imagination. I still

can't take medication for my ADD, and I'm so distractible!!! The

Tourette's stay's mild most of the time, but I have a rare, very bad

form of it occasionally. My OCD makes my family crazy sometimes.

Fibromyalgia. Arthritis. I'm running a business, and it's so hard.

Every day I'm in pain. Every day. Some days more than others, and the

only solution is to take something that's going to make me feel

wasted, which I hate, so I live with the pain. And I won't give up,

although some days it looks very, very inviting...Yes, it holds me

back, yes, it's exhausting, but I put one foot in front of the other,

every day.

Unfortunately with disorders like this, nothing is quick and easy.

Wouldn't that be so nice? Wouldn't it be nice to wake up one morning

and all the problems are gone? Wouldn't it be nice to press the

Staples " Easy " button and it would all go away? All of us can tell

you here that it's not quick or easy. I'm sorry for that.

Don't give up! Life is too dear.

Theresa

On Jan 2, 2007, at 7:35 PM, imaginatic wrote:

> Its a balance sheet approach, how much pain do i cause by staying and

> how much by going. From my perspective going wins out.

> America's motto could easily be -If you can't stand the heat get out

> of the kitchen. I'm not certain why i posted if I'm closed to advice.

> Maybe just saying goodbye to the world, or just curious what would

> happen. i'm sorry if i upset anyone.

> i'm glad your in a good situation now, and i appreciate your empathy.

> you do however have more resources than i. Maybe it would be

> different if there was one place to go for help, quick and easy.

> After recently receiving the Aspergers diagnosis i finally understood

> what has been holding me back for close to 50 years. It helps me

> forgive myself for being a loser, but it doesn't repair the physical

> damage from mentally chopping myself up. Mostly digestive problems

> and sleep. The diag came too late, I'm worn out.

> -b

>

[Guest guest]

There is a group on myspace.com for aspies and it is mostly adults... the moderator is an aspie himself and they have touched on alot of the subjects you have mentioned. There are also resources available there too from people that have been there. I am not sure how to do a link thing but go to myspace.com and sign up..its free and search groups for United Aspies. The moderator is Andy. This group has good information but like I said it was more for adults (yes there are a few parents with kids too) but the post I read were mainly adults that were facing challenges as being newly diagnosed. Now granted there are days/weeks when I am at the end too. Dealing with conditions that are not easily explainable can be exhausting. Somedays I wonder if I too do not have some of the problems my son has but my main focus is helping him first so that he is not "outed." I survived my quirks growing up

but todays world is not the same. Plus I am a female and I can just blame everything on the Hormones for now....hehe. So please look into other options and know that you arent alone... And from the words of a great woman (my mom) ....This too shall pass Trishaimaginatic <imaginatic@...> wrote: Aspergers, diagnosed a few months ago. I have heard from others who know people with it, and they all have good jobs. I look around the

web almost everything focuses on children. I assume the gov would view me with skepticism asking for help now. Filling out forms and jumping thru hoops to prove myself has always been torture for me anyway. If nothing else, I'd like to bring to light the fate of certain underachieving Adult aspies, especially those who were undiagnosed for most of their life. From what I see, with Aspergers being a fairly recent discovery the support infrastructure isn't all there for adults.-b> Never was able to support

myself.> Look forward to the end in a few months when things are all arranged.> > > > > > > I love a child with Aspergers> Please, read, learn, and love> > KELLY> > __________________________________________________>

[Guest guest]

Clearly you ARE looking for help here, and many if not all of us are open to help you. Give us the day to find you an adult support group, they are out there. Obviously you are a very intelligent person. Your present feelings are very valid, but nothing in life is quick and easy and you can't beat yourself up over this. You can't possibly try to help yourself for something that you didn't even know you had. Be grateful that now you can. Let us know where you are so we can try to find some local help. Just like your kitchen motto, things are not as bad as they seem, this too shall pass, I promise.

~

Re: end of the road

Its a balance sheet approach, how much pain do i cause by staying and how much by going. From my perspective going wins out.America's motto could easily be -If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. I'm not certain why i posted if I'm closed to advice. Maybe just saying goodbye to the world, or just curious what would happen. i'm sorry if i upset anyone.i'm glad your in a good situation now, and i appreciate your empathy. you do however have more resources than i. Maybe it would be different if there was one place to go for help, quick and easy.After recently receiving the Aspergers diagnosis i finally understood what has been holding me back for close to 50 years. It helps me forgive myself for being a loser, but it doesn't repair the physical damage from mentally chopping myself up. Mostly digestive problems and sleep. The diag came too late, I'm worn out.-b> > > Never was able to support myself.> > Look forward to the end in a few months when things are all arranged.> >>

[Guest guest]

I am sorry to hear you feel that way. I hope you will reconsider and stay with us. We will definitely help you any way we can and offer as much support as you need!.

Stacie

[Guest guest]

There are a lot more resources then you think. Have you contacted your local ARC organization they are a wealth of resources. Or maybe if you don't like to research tell us what kind of resources your looking for and we can help you find them. Going out is a permanent solution to temporary problems. I am not angry or upset with you but there are many people willing to help out. You shouldn't feel your a loser. I am sure deep down inside you are a absolutely wonderful person.

Stacie

Here is the ARC website you can find a location near you. They are a wealth of information.

http://www.thearc.org/

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/4/2007 12:10:52 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, crazemome@... writes:

I assume the gov would view me with skepticism asking for help now.

Dear -b,

I wouldn't make that assumption. You may be able to get SSD, especially if You have any other diagnosis, which You would probably need a psychiatrist to do (whoever diagnosed you with Asperger's?).

When we're discouraged, it looks like everyone else is more successful, happier, etc. than we are. That certainly isn't always true. Please don't give up. You see that we're all interested in being of help to You.

You know, a diagnosis doesn't mean that You aren't still You, or that You aren't lovable. It's just a word -- not a sentence on You -- or on any of our kids. Nor is a job any measure of who anyone is.

Right where all this discouragement seems to be, hiding You, there is a wonderful You present.

Love,

Francine

[Guest guest]

Now that's the way to go! You and your wife can do this together!

Re: end of the road

Your friendship is appreciated. All these reply's they are giving me energy to begin exploring resources. I figured it was a little late for anything to help since I've lost the house and the car is next. Can't answer the phone because of bill collectors. I felt it would have been nice to get my as diagnosis a year or two ago and there wasn't time to turn things around. my wife is even more anxious to exit than i am so it wasn't like she would be alone for long. also no kidsIf nothing else, looking for assistance could be a diversion and the activity could help the depression.Love and thanks to all!Bruce

[Guest guest]

I am here for you if you need a friend. We have been in dire straights ourselves

at times. We have 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum. Some days are pretty

challenging. Keep your chin up, better days ARE coming! HUGS to you and your

wife!

--

Jenna

Wife to wonderful DH and loving mother to 7 wonderful blessings!

---- imaginatic <imaginatic@...> wrote:

=============

Your friendship is appreciated. All these reply's they are giving me

energy to begin exploring resources. I figured it was a little late for

anything to help since I've lost the house and the car is next. Can't

answer the phone because of bill collectors. I felt it would have been

nice to get my as diagnosis a year or two ago and there wasn't time to

turn things around. my wife is even more anxious to exit than i am so

it wasn't like she would be alone for long. also no kids

If nothing else, looking for assistance could be a diversion and the

activity could help the depression.

Love and thanks to all!

Bruce

[Guest guest]

ALRIGHT!! I am so proud of you! We are still here to help you find resources

if need be and you can vent here too! I vent all the time, we all

understand. You've made my day, I'm so glad you replied, you have been on my

mind alot.Hang in there, it is a new year and you WILL find the help you

need, I know it.Please keep us up to date on how you are doing. These people

will move mountains to help another.. Roxanna is great at finding resources

, maybe she will chime in and offer some places to get started..As far as

looking for help, yes it IS a diversion (I have depression too) and gives

you a purpose for that day at least, right! God bless you and comfort you.

Toni

Re: end of the road

> Your friendship is appreciated. All these reply's they are giving me

> energy to begin exploring resources. I figured it was a little late for

> anything to help since I've lost the house and the car is next. Can't

> answer the phone because of bill collectors. I felt it would have been

> nice to get my as diagnosis a year or two ago and there wasn't time to

> turn things around. my wife is even more anxious to exit than i am so

> it wasn't like she would be alone for long. also no kids

> If nothing else, looking for assistance could be a diversion and the

> activity could help the depression.

> Love and thanks to all!

> Bruce

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Glad that you contacted ARC. I hope they can guide you in some direction as to resources. Good Luck!!

Stacie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/6/2007 12:05:33 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, imaginatic@... writes:

i don't hate myself, i just hate what i become when trying (unsuccessfuly) to be like everyone else.

Don't we all!

[Guest guest]

Dear Bruce,

It's not a new film, so I don't know if a Blockbuster would have it. Let me go look it up for You. I think it is only in vhs, unless someone has put it on a dvd. Be right back ... ... Well I found it at a site called Thinking Allowed, however they want $49.95 for it, so why don't You let me lend You the backup copy I made for myself, if they don't have it at your local video store. Do You have something to play dvd's?

Let me know, Bruce.

Love,

Francine

In a message dated 1/5/2007 11:59:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, imaginatic@... writes:

I appreciate the suggestion, would I be able to find it at video rental places? Love,Bruce>> If You are thinking such a thing, the film I recommended to Theresa could be > uplifting for You -- the nurse's experience. I could send You that.> > Love,> Francine

[Guest guest]

I'm a graphic and web designer - for about 35 years. I found it was

easier in some respects to work for myself. Now if I need to go to

physical therapy or a doctor's appointment or take a nap, it's a

little easier to - my boss is very understanding. ;-D

In spite of all of this stuff, I was just voted in as the President

of our local Ad Club, a club of the American Advertising Federation.

I can't take many drugs because of side effects, especially

antidepressants, so I'm really on my own there. The last

antidepressant I took, Serzone, was taken off the market. Yes, pain

is quite the distraction. Add unmedicated ADD on top of that - well,

you get the picture.

Every day is exhausting. Some days I do want to end it all, but I

don't have as many of those days as I used to. Right now, my

blessing is my new grandson, my renewed relationship with my husband,

my awesome autistic son, and the clients who adore me. It's all good.

I understand psychic pain too. My father was a violent alcoholic and

I pushed all his buttons. My mom responded by disassociating. They

did the best they could with what they had, and I forgive them, but

that doesn't take away the damage...yep, it doesn't take it away.

But it has made me S-T-R-O-N-G. At least for the moment. I take it a

moment at a time.

I can't begin to know exactly what you or your wife are going

through, but I think I have an idea. I'm not being flippant with you

when I say, " Don't give up! "

Theresa

On Jan 5, 2007, at 2:50 AM, imaginatic wrote:

> I understand you can relate to my problems, thank you for sharing.

> Who knows, maybe your suffering more than I.

> In addition to ADD you have pain which I read can cause or make it

> worse. Pain is quite a distraction.

> I have found antidepressants help with pain.

> What kind of business do you run?

>

[Guest guest]

Once we help you get this wired, the fibros here are going to try to

help your wife! There ARE resources out there.

Theresa

On Jan 5, 2007, at 3:15 AM, imaginatic wrote:

> I contacted arc today, thanks! i guess you guys lit a fire under me.

> not sure where it will lead, but feels good for now. i don't hate

> myself, i just hate what i become when trying (unsuccessfuly) to be

> like everyone else.

>

[Guest guest]

Glad to hear you joined Famsecret society, I hope they help you realize you

aren't alone and can get some answers, support from them..Things are looking

up Bruce!!

Toni

Re: end of the road

> My wife is worse off than me. Her view of life is the same as mine. She

> was earning 80K eleven years ago, then fell ill. At that time I

> inherited a house and enough to last until now. So you see I've dreaded

> this moment for a long time.

> If she applied for SSD it would pay next to nothing since she hasn't

> earned anything in the last 11 years.

> Decided not to have kids because of doubts about my future.

> I've always felt like an alien. I figured if there would be one place

> to accept me it would be the church but it didn't feel right either.

>

> So I've lived as a firm agnostic all my adult life.

> I like to think there is something out there, but not in the form

> promoted by organised religion.

> http://www.godisimaginary.com

>

> I joined , thank you for that!

> I haven't lost all hope.

> Love,

> Bruce

>

>

>> What about your wife? Do you have kids? Please let someone here try

> and find you some help. We all deal with aspergers one way or another

> and it is HARD!!, BUT, God doesn't make mistakes and HE made you and my

> 18 yos the way He did for a reason. I don't know the reason.. There are

> groups for adults with aspergers that may

> help..http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/ and

> / are two that you

> can go to and talk to ADULTS that have aspergers and the other comorbid

> issues that come with it! My 30 yo step son died last Nov from an

> overdose(he had bipolar) and that is a PAIN that never goes away.

> Please don't do anything to yourself.. We love you and want to help in

> ANY way we can..

>> Toni

>> ----- Original Message -----

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bruce have you talked to Vocational Rehab? They are just starting the

assessment with my kids. They will help them find a job and provide them

with assistance in " keeping " the job and most of the time, I think, they

work with employers who KNOW about the disabilities.. Maybe they could help

you find and keep a job. It's a shame to waste your smarts at a 7-11. Geeze

if you can handle a 7-11 ( Q Public) you can handle more than you think!

Just a thought , in case you haven't tried them. They work with the client

until the client is finished with them. They told me that they have helped

send people who were willing to work in school on to get their MD and even

one guy a PHD. I KNOW they accept aspergers because it is a developmental

disorder... And thanks for letting me know college was easier... But, I

believe you said you studied, we haven't learned how to study around here

yet.

Toni

Re: end of the road

>>

>>

>> >I do hear how much pain you are in, but want you to know that many

> of

>> > us have been there (either as parents or as individuals with

> AS). As

>> > many people know, my son was diagnosed with AS at age 18, after

>> > struggling for years. He's suffered from depression for years;

> had a

>> > serious medication overdose last year. I can't stress how

> important

>> > it is to find a good therapist who understands AS to help you

>> > understand yourself and learn to love your strengths and laugh

> about

>> > your challenges. Although younger than you, my son too felt that

>> > it " wasn't fair " that kids get all the support while he went

> through

>> > school in agony through 12th grade (repeating it twice) and not

>> > knowing why. He saw his life at an end. He's now 22. With the

> help

>> > of his therapist, he has made tremendous gains this year on both a

>> > social and academic level. He has a girlfriend, is learning the

>> > word " compromise, " is beginning to experience pride in his

>> > achievements and get joke about his AS " challenges. " He's also

>> > completed over 27 credits of college work...with a 3.0 GPA (Keep

> in

>> > mind his High School grades averaged slightly greater than a D)

> You

>> > still have a life to lead, and much to offer others. Don't give

>> > up....look to others for support and learn all you can about AS.

>> > Louise--

>> >

>>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

A lot of this stuff is state and county-based, with different rules.

What state are you located in, Bruce?

Theresa Mesa

Mesa Design House

http://mesadesignhouse.com

909-335-9710

Hours: By appointment only

[Guest guest]

That's our problem. Homework is just what they went over in school, so it is

mundane and boring and I can't get into their heads that they need to learn

to study now so they will have good habits for studying in college. I DO see

a little more maturity in my boys this year, so maybe that's the problem.

Toni

Re: end of the road

> Glad it helped. For , I think the difference is twofold. As

> many have said, there is greater independence in terms of choosing

> coursework and studying, but I also think some of it is that he's

> finally maturing. I've often read that individuals with AS are

> developmentally about 2/3 of their chronological age....That would

> have made him about emotionally about 12 when he was 18. Early

> adolescents are still rebelling; definitely not ready for the rigor

> of High School. At this point, he has goals, and is able to complete

> work that he " doesn't think is important " because he knows it's

> required. When he was in High School, he woudl just decide not to do

> the work. I see tremendous changes in him the past couple of

> years....I'm just hoping it continues!---

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, maybe there is still hope for my boys making it in college. They say

they know college grades are more important than hs and they will study when

they get there... We'll see.. I hope so..

Toni

Re: end of the road

>>

>>

>> > Glad it helped. For , I think the difference is twofold. As

>> > many have said, there is greater independence in terms of choosing

>> > coursework and studying, but I also think some of it is that he's

>> > finally maturing. I've often read that individuals with AS are

>> > developmentally about 2/3 of their chronological age....That would

>> > have made him about emotionally about 12 when he was 18. Early

>> > adolescents are still rebelling; definitely not ready for the

> rigor

>> > of High School. At this point, he has goals, and is able to

> complete

>> > work that he " doesn't think is important " because he knows it's

>> > required. When he was in High School, he woudl just decide not

> to do

>> > the work. I see tremendous changes in him the past couple of

>> > years....I'm just hoping it continues!---

>> >

>>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good idea. I will have to look into that. We have two colleges in the next

town over, Ga Military and Ga College and State University. I could call

them and see if the special ed dept knows of any aspies that could help

another..

Toni

Re: end of the road

>> >>

>> >>

>> >> >I do hear how much pain you are in, but want you to know that

> many

>> > of

>> >> > us have been there (either as parents or as individuals with

>> > AS). As

>> >> > many people know, my son was diagnosed with AS at age 18, after

>> >> > struggling for years. He's suffered from depression for years;

>> > had a

>> >> > serious medication overdose last year. I can't stress how

>> > important

>> >> > it is to find a good therapist who understands AS to help you

>> >> > understand yourself and learn to love your strengths and laugh

>> > about

>> >> > your challenges. Although younger than you, my son too felt

> that

>> >> > it " wasn't fair " that kids get all the support while he went

>> > through

>> >> > school in agony through 12th grade (repeating it twice) and not

>> >> > knowing why. He saw his life at an end. He's now 22. With

> the

>> > help

>> >> > of his therapist, he has made tremendous gains this year on

> both a

>> >> > social and academic level. He has a girlfriend, is learning

> the

>> >> > word " compromise, " is beginning to experience pride in his

>> >> > achievements and get joke about his AS " challenges. " He's also

>> >> > completed over 27 credits of college work...with a 3.0 GPA

> (Keep

>> > in

>> >> > mind his High School grades averaged slightly greater than a D)

>> > You

>> >> > still have a life to lead, and much to offer others. Don't

> give

>> >> > up....look to others for support and learn all you can about

> AS.

>> >> > Louise--

>> >> >

>> >>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

[Guest guest]

No, I need to ask them . I don't really understand learning styles, I need

to look it up.My guess who be auditory since they listen in school and do

fairly well on tests (without notes) and both of them are learning Japanese

and n is learning French through listening to music and downloading

their anime in different languages... I was so excited

Monday because I got a positive email from the teacher and the kids were so

positive about going to school and now I am on the valley of the

rollercoaster ride (AGAIN) because they have refused to go to school the

rest of this week so far. There's always tomorrow.. sigh...

Toni

Re: end of the road

>>

>>

>> > Glad it helped. For , I think the difference is twofold. As

>> > many have said, there is greater independence in terms of choosing

>> > coursework and studying, but I also think some of it is that he's

>> > finally maturing. I've often read that individuals with AS are

>> > developmentally about 2/3 of their chronological age....That would

>> > have made him about emotionally about 12 when he was 18. Early

>> > adolescents are still rebelling; definitely not ready for the

> rigor

>> > of High School. At this point, he has goals, and is able to

> complete

>> > work that he " doesn't think is important " because he knows it's

>> > required. When he was in High School, he woudl just decide not

> to do

>> > the work. I see tremendous changes in him the past couple of

>> > years....I'm just hoping it continues!---

>> >

>>

>

>

>

>

>

>