Re: Eye Contact & Autism

[Guest guest]

I have a 9 year old autistic boy. Eye contact has always been difficult for him. My view is that it is almost painful for him to look at someone. I do not think he's avoiding eye contact deliberately. We have to prompt him to look at someone. It is something that has to be learned with my son and it is a very slow process.

Eye Contact & Autism

Hi Everyone. Quick question on eye contact with autistic kids. I know that some autistic children have a difficult time making eye contact with others, but for those of you that deal with this, do you feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye contact when they want to or do you feel that it is something they cannot control? My daughter seems to go out of her way to avoid our eyes and when she catches herself looking into someones eyes she looks away real fast or even closes her eyes tightly. She can be pretty focused, but she only looks where she wants. I know I am being kind of vague, but she is a difficult kid to understand. Anyway, I would appreciate any input anyone can offer on this subject.Thanks DalyBrick, NJ

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

> Hi Everyone. Quick question on eye contact with autistic kids. I

> know that some autistic children have a difficult time making eye

> contact with others, but for those of you that deal with this, do you

> feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye contact

> when they want to or do you feel that it is something they cannot

> control?

Some find it physically painful to make eye contact, and so it is not within

their ability to do so. From your description it sounds as if your daughter

may be one of those. It may help if you teach her to look at a place on the

forehead instead of actually at the eyes themselves. This will get over the

problem of appearing to others to not be attending.

Of course, you also have to teach that you don't stare at the chosen spot

for periods of time!

OTOH, it may just because someone has made an issue of it. It's much better

to not mention things and let the child develop at their own pace a lot of

the time. My son (nearing 19) is now much better at making eye contact, but

he's not had any input on it at all AFAIK.

[Guest guest]

but for those of you that deal with this, do you

> feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye contact

> when they want to or do you feel that it is something they cannot

> control?

If the child is listening, our pyschologist says that it is very

difficult for the autistic child to listen and look at the same time--

too much input makes it hard to focus. She recommends not to push the

looking while listening. Still we work on it very cautiously, since

this is what the NT world expects.

[Guest guest]

I cannot look someone in the eye, listen to them, and think about what they

are saying. But I am only 43, so I may grow out of it

-------Original Message-------

From: julie46250

Date: 04/29/06 20:35:59

but for those of you that deal with this, do you

> feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye contact

> when they want to or do you feel that it is something they cannot

> control?

If the child is listening, our pyschologist says that it is very

difficult for the autistic child to listen and look at the same time--

too much input makes it hard to focus. She recommends not to push the

looking while listening. Still we work on it very cautiously, since

this is what the NT world expects.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for such insight! I had no idea about the things you mentioned but I am printing out your reply and will show it to my son's psychologist, who is always making a fuss about him not making eye contact with her. And I will also be thinking about the way we talk to him about making eye contact!

Estevan, Saskatchewan

Canada

-- Re: Eye Contact & Autism

Hello;

I wish to contribute from the perspective of an autistic.

Every person has unique energy they give off. I think most people are aware of this...for example; if you get a bad feeling about someone or something; they call it intuition. Whether good or bad, this energy is out there and many of us autistics feel this on an amplified level.

As a child, when I looked into the eyes, it was like someone had turned up a loud sound to the point of distortion and it was very disturbing. When we are children, people tell us it is important to look at eyes, but it is not that we forget to do this…..it is being able to cope with the amplified range of emotions that happens when you look into the window of the soul.

I remember that when I first came into contact with someone and failed to meet eye contact, that I could feel that person get uncomfortable or I sensed fear from them.

My parents made no effort to train me to make eye contact. They were conscientious to avoid bringing me face to face with people, especially with adults. It was adults that seemed to be bothered most by lack of eye contact. Most other kids were not. When I did not make eye contact with an adult, I could sense immediately that it made them afraid of me. I also found it interesting how this person’s energy would change and not be so tense or afraid once my mom or dad would say…”Don’t take it personally, she is just very shy”.

I would get frequent reminders from teachers and others, which was insulting to my intelligence. It was not that I forgot to look in their eyes, it was just too painful. When I tried, I could hardly focus on what they were saying because of all that I was feeling.

As I got older and was able to start discerning the huge range of energies and emotions that people express, eye contact was a little easier to do. To begin managing what I felt coming from others required years of distant watching of people and coming into range of them in a safe environment. Most people thought I was alone in my own world doing nothing, but I was very busy learning about coping in this highly stimulating world!

To this day, as a business professional, I must diligently focus on keeping eye contact without loosing train of thought and to filter out what I am feeling peripherally. I quickly am aware of loosing eye contact when it happens, because I can immediately recognize the shift in energy in the person I am talking with. I then get back on track with eye contact so that they are comfortable once again with our conversation.

I hope with time, your child will grow into communicating comfortably on this level. More importantly, I hope as a parent that you are mindful of your reaction to them….your discomfort level and disappointment in your child’s failure to make eye contact is easily picked up by your child

Pamela

rose6072004 <rose6072004@...> wrote:

Hi Everyone. Quick question on eye contact with autistic kids. I know that some autistic children have a difficult time making eye contact with others, but for those of you that deal with this, do you feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye contact when they want to or do you feel that it is something they cannot control? My daughter seems to go out of her way to avoid our eyes and when she catches herself looking into someones eyes she looks away real fast or even closes her eyes tightly. She can be pretty focused, but she only looks where she wants. I know I am being kind of vague, but she is a difficult kid to understand. Anyway, I would appreciate any input anyone can offer on this subject.Thanks DalyBrick, NJ

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Interesting. Thanks. I don't know what the deal is with Rosie. We

don't really push her to make eye contact, but we encourage it. We

will keep trying and hopefully eventually she will get past the

barrior. She is adopted and we don't know how much of her behavior

is a biological/physiological thing and how much is a reaction to

the trauma she went through with abandonment and orphanage life. I

think it is a combo of the two with her. Only time will tell.

I came home from work yesterday and she ran up to me and let me hug

her. That was the first time she did that. She is almost 3.

Baby steps!!!

Daly

>

> I herd that sometimes our kids look away because they

> find it hard to concentrate on what is being said

> when looking at someone in the eyes, so they may

> prefer to look elsewhere less distracting like the floor,

> desk or table top, or the wall.

>

> Myself, I find it hard to look at someone in the eyes who

> have green or hazels eyes,in the eyes. Negative experience

> as a kid. Blues eyes make me feel goofy. First girlfriend

> had em. Wife has em. Brown eyes I can look into with no

> problem. They make me feel safe and secure. My dad has em.

>

> Could there be a fear of eyes like there is a fear of heights,

> flying, spiders?

>

> thiansdad

>

[Guest guest]

It does help. Thank you

Daly

> >

> > Hi Everyone. Quick question on eye contact with autistic kids.

I

> > know that some autistic children have a difficult time making

eye

> > contact with others, but for those of you that deal with this,

do

> you

> > feel that it is within the child's ability to make the eye

contact

> > when they want to or do you feel that it is something they

cannot

> > control? My daughter seems to go out of her way to avoid our

eyes

> and

> > when she catches herself looking into someones eyes she looks

away

> > real fast or even closes her eyes tightly. She can be pretty

> focused,

> > but she only looks where she wants. I know I am being kind of

> vague,

> > but she is a difficult kid to understand.

> >

> > Anyway, I would appreciate any input anyone can offer on this

> subject.

> >

> > Thanks

> >

> > Daly

> > Brick, NJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Have you ever found that if you think about something such as

breathing, it no longer comes natural? When I focus on how I

breathe, before I know it, my rhythm is off and I get out of

breathe. The same thing happens when I think about looking at

someone in the eyes. I may be fine but once I put my attention on

looking at someone in the eyes, all of a sudden I get in a panic.

Where do I look? Do I pick one eye or alternate between the eyes?

Or do I focus between the eyes? Should I keep my eyes there

contantly or look away from time to time? Before I know it, I am so

uncomfortable, I can't concentrate on what the person is saying. I

am aspergers.

I really wonder if it is wise to insist one on the spectrum looks at

someone. Making a big deal about it may make one self-concious. I

know in RDI, they say not to tell a child to look in the eyes. That

it would come naturally as they learn to be interested in what facial

expressions one makes. It makes alot of sense to me.

I like the idea someone mentioned about blowing bubbles or giving the

child something to look at near where the eyes are. This can

acclamate one the gazing in that direction without calling too much

attention to it.

[Guest guest]

Hi , My Name Is Rosie. You Need To Relax And Try

To Learn To Control Your Breathing. I Know It Is Hard

To Look At Someone In The Eyes. You Will Be Fine.

THANK YOU, ROSIE

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

The thing with my daughter is her avoidance of eye contact has

nothing to do with listening. She just flat out avoids eyes.

>

Daly

> Here is my take on the eye contact thing. It seems to ring true

with

> my daughter.

>

> They can't do two sensory things at the same time. Listen and

look.

> My daughter always looks away when we speak. We know she is

> listening. It's not so important is it?

>

> How difficult would it be for any one of us to speak to someone

and

> hear our echo at a 10 second delay for instance. Bring sight into

the

> picture and see how difficult it could be.

>

> You always need to think outside the box here.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I no longer force my son to look at me when i'm trying to tell him

something important. I get him to repeat back what i said, to make

sure he processed it, although it doesn't always stick anyways. I

am trying to teach him to paraphrase, not just repeat what i told

him. That may take some time.

I now only expect him to keep him from stuffing his head in the

couch when i need him to hear me. I think he learned to stuff his

head when he was asked to make eye contact. Sometimes it seems like

he just doesn't want to listen but I know (usually) he isn't

intentionally trying to annoy me.

dandyliondawn

>

> Have you ever found that if you think about something such as

> breathing, it no longer comes natural? When I focus on how I

> breathe, before I know it, my rhythm is off and I get out of

> breathe. The same thing happens when I think about looking at

> someone in the eyes. I may be fine but once I put my attention on

> looking at someone in the eyes, all of a sudden I get in a panic.

> Where do I look? Do I pick one eye or alternate between the

eyes?

> Or do I focus between the eyes? Should I keep my eyes there

> contantly or look away from time to time? Before I know it, I am

so

> uncomfortable, I can't concentrate on what the person is saying.

I

> am aspergers.

>

> I really wonder if it is wise to insist one on the spectrum looks

at

> someone. Making a big deal about it may make one self-concious.

I

> know in RDI, they say not to tell a child to look in the eyes.

That

> it would come naturally as they learn to be interested in what

facial

> expressions one makes. It makes alot of sense to me.

>

> I like the idea someone mentioned about blowing bubbles or giving

the

> child something to look at near where the eyes are. This can

> acclamate one the gazing in that direction without calling too

much

> attention to it.

>

>

>