Re: New/Intro. with Questions about Young Child and OCD

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/11/2006 8:01:49 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

wge376@... writes:

I'm new here and thought I should introduce myself. I have two

daughters, ages 3 and 13, with OCD.

We have struggled for years trying to get help for the oldest from

our HMO, to no avail; along the way other diagnoses have been

discussed also – ODD, ADD, bipolar, general anxiety, depression,

etc. –

WGE376 ----

Welcome to the group! You poor thing - {{hug}} - Can I ask what area you're

located in? There have been several websites discussed on this board that

might help you find a therapist. I will send what I have to you in a separate

email.

Do you have any medical schools/universities, or learning hospitals near

you? If so, call & ask if they have a mental department. They are a good

resource to find a doctor. Sometimes you can get in to see an intern (not a

full

PHD as yet, but in the final stages of the degree) with a supervision doctor

for therapy.

I have no experience with kids as young as 3 yrs - but I know there are some

on the board who have kids close to that age who might be able to offer some

ideas. My daughter is 15 (just turned) and diagnosed in Jan '06 with OCD.

3 months prior to that, she was what appeared to be a perfectly average kid.

WHAM. In the span of about 42 days, life turned upside down for the poor

thing - and our family too.

So, your older daughter was never officially diagnosed with OCD?? What type

of issues/rituals does she have? You mentioned 'intense emotions' and

dealing with negativity, but nothing specific.

I hope someone on the board can offer some support for you & your 3 yr old.

LT

[Guest guest]

Hi,

You are not alone! As a matter of fact my situation is very simialar to yours.

I too have a 9yr old dd who has been diagnosed with the whole alphabet of

diagnosisODD,ADHD,Bipolar,OCD,PDD-NOS,anxiety nos-etc, etc,. I have been going

through hell with her for 9 and a half years, not to mention useless counseling,

therapies and meds.. My now 4 yr old ds is showing many of the same symptoms as

her of the ocd. I know he has it, although has not been diagnosed like my dd,

and I can't even think about starting this whole thing again with him. I just

really can't handle any more right now. He does all the things you described

with the car seat, etc, which is also something my dd used to do.

blizzard2376 <wge376@...> wrote

She is very bright and able to maintain composure in public,

but has never learned to cope with her intense emotions or deal with

anything negative, so she takes it all out on us at home. Combine

that with being 13, and it makes for a very difficult home life for

all of us.

>That is my dd in a nutshell also!!!

:To anyone with a young child with OCD, how do you find a therapist

who knew what you were talking about? (After dealing with this for

10+ years with my oldest, I have absolutely no more patience or

energy left to deal with therapists who think it's just a lack of

discipline, etc. I don't want to spend the first 6 months or more

trying to convince them what the problem is. And, can therapy

actually teach her (and us) ways to get her out of situations like

this? Right now, I mostly try to avoid situations that would cause a

problem, but that becomes impossible as her OCD cycle winds up.

>>I understand exactly how you feel! Hopefully these therapists will realize

we are not making things up, and there are real issues going on now, seeing we

already have a child with the similar difficulties.

I wish I had answers. I'm in the same boat!

((((Hugs to you))))

Judy

[Guest guest]

Hi,

You are not alone! As a matter of fact my situation is very simialar to yours.

I too have a 9yr old dd who has been diagnosed with the whole alphabet of

diagnosisODD,ADHD,Bipolar,OCD,PDD-NOS,anxiety nos-etc, etc,. I have been going

through hell with her for 9 and a half years, not to mention useless counseling,

therapies and meds.. My now 4 yr old ds is showing many of the same symptoms as

her of the ocd. I know he has it, although has not been diagnosed like my dd,

and I can't even think about starting this whole thing again with him. I just

really can't handle any more right now. He does all the things you described

with the car seat, etc, which is also something my dd used to do.

blizzard2376 <wge376@...> wrote

She is very bright and able to maintain composure in public,

but has never learned to cope with her intense emotions or deal with

anything negative, so she takes it all out on us at home. Combine

that with being 13, and it makes for a very difficult home life for

all of us.

>That is my dd in a nutshell also!!!

:To anyone with a young child with OCD, how do you find a therapist

who knew what you were talking about? (After dealing with this for

10+ years with my oldest, I have absolutely no more patience or

energy left to deal with therapists who think it's just a lack of

discipline, etc. I don't want to spend the first 6 months or more

trying to convince them what the problem is. And, can therapy

actually teach her (and us) ways to get her out of situations like

this? Right now, I mostly try to avoid situations that would cause a

problem, but that becomes impossible as her OCD cycle winds up.

>>I understand exactly how you feel! Hopefully these therapists will realize

we are not making things up, and there are real issues going on now, seeing we

already have a child with the similar difficulties.

I wish I had answers. I'm in the same boat!

((((Hugs to you))))

Judy

[Guest guest]

Hello and welcome. I have a 15yr old daughter who was diagnosed

(ocd) at age 12. I was fortunate and our HMO at the time did treat

her. There was no therapy though, that came later when we had a PPO.

Dealing with insurance can be a pain and certainly not needed when

you are already dealing with your child's mood issues!

I was trying to think back to when Bre was young. She did have ocd

her whole life, but I didn't know she had ocd then, so I thought her

fit throwing was due to defiance. I stood firm and tried to show her

who was the boss. If only I had known....she would of possibly

suffered less. But the good news is she is not harmed emotionally

from my mistakes. She understands ocd now and she is thriving very

well. A big part due to a year of therapy and meds!

It is difficult to give advice about how to handle screaming and

demanding, since Bre is so much older and doesn't do that anymore.

Giving in to ocd can fuel it, yet at 3 years old, how much do they

really understand. You have to keep your sanity, but reasoning with

ocd moments or defiance does not work. Maybe if she is mad about not

getting to do something you could tell her, " Mommy is the decision

queen this time, you will be the next time. " Maybe when your at the

store let her buy a crown and tell her queens also listen to their

mom even if the voice in their head tell them otherwise.

I may be grasping at straws here, it just gets to a point where you

will try anything! ( Also I don't know if she hears a voice in her

head, I was just using an example.) Bre responded well to rewards

too. I used them to encourage positive behaviour. If it is ocd

though, she has learned to ride out the anxiety and habituate to it.

Small kids may have a hard time recognizing what is ocd and what

isn't. I know some therapists don't like to treat them young. Others

here have had good results with therapy at a young age.

The ocfoundation has a list of referrals for therapists.

I just know that when Bre is very upset, I have to walk away until

she cools off and then we can discuss it. Believe me there has been

alot of trial and error on my part. She is learning how to deal with

negativity and using humour helps alot!

We all do our best with what we have to raise our children right.

But no one is perfect and it is important to take time out for you

too. It helps when I recharge my batteries! Keep posting here and

read. There are alot of good books on ocd. A couple written by women

on this group. ( Chansky and Wagner) Again welcome. (((Hugs)))

Sandy

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm new here and thought I should introduce myself. I have two

> daughters, ages 3 and 13, with OCD.

>

> We have struggled for years trying to get help for the oldest from

> our HMO, to no avail; along the way other diagnoses have been

> discussed also – ODD, ADD, bipolar, general anxiety, depression,

> etc. – but it all began with a very strong-willed, intense OCD

> child. She is very bright and able to maintain composure in

public,

> but has never learned to cope with her intense emotions or deal

with

> anything negative, so she takes it all out on us at home. Combine

> that with being 13, and it makes for a very difficult home life

for

> all of us.

>

> My 3yo was in the Early Intervention program in our county due to

a

> speech delay (no words at age 2) and sensory issues. (How much was

> sensory vs. anxiety?) She had gastro. issues since birth (reflux,

> poor digestion, failure to thrive). A gluten-free, casein-free

diet,

> corn-free diet resolved her speech issues and many of the gastro.

> issues, although she still has difficulty gaining weight.

>

> She is a loving, caring, sensitive child and I'm worried that how

I

> handle her OCD " episodes " will harm her emotionally. I've been

> trying to read old messages here and have already seen some that

> describe the things she does. Mostly, she has to do things in a

> certain sequence, and often this involves MY having to do things

in

> a certain way in a certain sequence. This drives me NUTS (and

> there's a point at which no human could keep up with all

> the " rules " ), AND I know I probably shouldn't be " feeding " into

it.

> But, if I don't or don't let her complete the sequence she will

> scream for an hour or more uncontrollably. So, what do you do?

>

> I saw a message that talked about the need to " reverse " the

> situation. She does this all the time. For example, one day she

was

> screaming because she didn't get to hook her carseat by herself (I

> had done it already) as we were driving home from her preschool.

She

> was soaking wet with sweat from screaming when we arrived home and

> she'd kicked off her shoes and a sock, and she refused to get out

of

> the car. She kept screaming to drive back to the school so she

could

> hook the carseat herself there. Then she noticed her shoes/socks

> off, so she screamed to put them back on. " Now Mommy get in the

seat

> (to drive), " etc. When she's in a bad OCD cycle, this type of

thing

> happens all day long revolving around all the routine things in a

3-

> year-old's day. What is the proper response on my part?

>

> To anyone with a young child with OCD, how do you find a therapist

> who knew what you were talking about? (After dealing with this for

> 10+ years with my oldest, I have absolutely no more patience or

> energy left to deal with therapists who think it's just a lack of

> discipline, etc. I don't want to spend the first 6 months or more

> trying to convince them what the problem is. And, can therapy

> actually teach her (and us) ways to get her out of situations like

> this? Right now, I mostly try to avoid situations that would cause

a

> problem, but that becomes impossible as her OCD cycle winds up.

>

> Sorry this has gotten so long. Thanks for reading. I'm so glad to

> have found this group, and I know I will find lots of good

> information here as I continue reading the archives!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, welcome! As a single mom with 3 sons - oldest is 21 and the

twins 17 - I can sympathize about the teen years & emotions!! Hang

in there! Hard enough without OCD thrown in. (one of the twins has

OCD)

I'm just a mom, so no expert. It can in my opinion, be hard to

determine with the young toddlers/preschoolers what is just some

stage/phase they are going through and what might be *more* than a

stage. Your example with the carseat did remind me of my oldest at

that age. He would have done the same thing if he had wanted to do

something for himself and I did it for him, etc.

I will say that one of my twins - not my OCDer - went through an OCD

period about that age (hard to recall exact ages after so many

years!) and about drove me nuts too! I had to come into a room the

*right* way, turn the right way, step the right number of steps --

however he was directing me - and start all over if I messed up. If

I messed up or refused to start over, I had a foot-stomping, crying,

screaming kid on my hands, demanding I do it over. SIGH! He also

could NOT have a wrinkle in his blanket that he liked to lie on to

watch TV, etc. Would be in tears trying to smooth it all out

before he could lie down, have me helping him. Can't recall what

else, those stand out. He did have sensory issues with seams in

socks, etc. Hated to be dirty, would wash his hands, brush himself

off, etc, but not to any excessive degree.

I did begin to refuse to " start over " . Said some things I shouldn't

have besides " no! " , like " , you are driving me CRAZY!! No! " I

tried stomping my feet and tantrumming a few times too, LOL!

Anyway, luckily for me (and him) at some point it all stopped. This

was a period of *months* and not a year, probably less than 6

months.

We couldn't find a therapist in our area either, so managed on our

own with my OCD son, . His OCD really began in 6th grade.

Lots of compulsions, touching, repeating.... With the help of this

group and reading & reading, we somehow managed on our own. Just

had to do it in baby steps with .

That's great your little one is in Early Intervention.

Well, gotta run! Please keep us updated on how things are going!

>

> Hi,

>

> I'm new here and thought I should introduce myself. I have two

> daughters, ages 3 and 13, with OCD.

>

[Guest guest]

My son's OCD started showing at 2 years old. I don't know how we made it

when he was three. He was at his worst. His OCD was so bad that my husband's

mother came to visit and when she left she said she NEVER wanted to see him

again. She always prided herself as being a great mother, and I think he made

her

feel inadequate. I will never forget when we went to see his new

pediatrician, we had just moved, and he looked at me and said, Can't you do

something

with him?. I was thinking... " NO, CAN YOU???? " Three year olds are hard to

deal with but a three year old OCD child can make you feel helpless. I hope it

gets better soon!

Sheree

[Guest guest]

One more thing you might want to consider , there is a program called Child

Find that helps young children before they are school age with problems such

as language issues or other issues before they are school age ,and the school

system provides this for free. You might want to look and see if your area

has this program. My son was also showing some of his frustration at three,

due to the fact he had an expressive language problem, and it was making his

OCD worse. This is just a thought.

Sheree

[Guest guest]

My son's OCD started at the same time, Sheree.

He is now almost six years old and has been on zoloft for almost a year.

It has helped him tremendously.

Btw....I'm new here

In a message dated 5/16/2006 11:23:30 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

My son's OCD started showing at 2 years old. I don't know how we made it

when he was three. He was at his worst. His OCD was so bad that my husband's

mother came to visit and when she left she said she NEVER wanted to see him

again. She always prided herself as being a great mother, and I think he

made her

feel inadequate. I will never forget when we went to see his new

pediatrician, we had just moved, and he looked at me and said, Can't you do

something

with him?. I was thinking... " NO, CAN YOU???? " Three year olds are hard

to

deal with but a three year old OCD child can make you feel helpless. I hope

it

gets better soon!

Sheree

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the thought!

We are already in the Child Find program! She started with Early

Intervention before she was 2 due to her lack of speech (expressive

langauge only) and sensory issues, then moved to Child Find when she

aged out of EI at age 3. Child Find found her eligible for services

due to her delay in the area of " social/emotional " functioning. The

speech delay is completely resolved and has been for quite some

time. Back when she was non-verbal, I wondered how much of the

frustration we were seeing might be due to her lack of being able to

communicate, but the anxiety problems have only escalated since that

time.

So, she attends the special ed. preschool program 3 days a week. The

program is wonderful for addressing the socialization aspect of

things (she definitely has social anxiety), but does not directly

deal with anxiety and certainly doesn't address the OCD in any way.

Also, she is much more advanced cognitively than most of her

classmates, and this " strength " is not built on in the program. The

school psychologists and social workers that are available through

the special ed. program don't deal with these issues either -- it is

beyond their field of expertise, I guess! I feel as though the

anxiety should be addressed directly through the program -- just as

a child with motor delays receives OT services or a child with

speech delay receives speech services, a child with social/emotional

delays (which is one area of qualification for the program) should

receive services directly related to their delay. But, they say, the

program itself provides that.

>

> One more thing you might want to consider , there is a program

called Child

> Find that helps young children before they are school age with

problems such

> as language issues or other issues before they are school

age ,and the school

> system provides this for free. You might want to look and see if

your area

> has this program. My son was also showing some of his frustration

at three,

> due to the fact he had an expressive language problem, and it was

making his

> OCD worse. This is just a thought.

>

> Sheree

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the thought!

We are already in the Child Find program! She started with Early

Intervention before she was 2 due to her lack of speech (expressive

langauge only) and sensory issues, then moved to Child Find when she

aged out of EI at age 3. Child Find found her eligible for services

due to her delay in the area of " social/emotional " functioning. The

speech delay is completely resolved and has been for quite some

time. Back when she was non-verbal, I wondered how much of the

frustration we were seeing might be due to her lack of being able to

communicate, but the anxiety problems have only escalated since that

time.

So, she attends the special ed. preschool program 3 days a week. The

program is wonderful for addressing the socialization aspect of

things (she definitely has social anxiety), but does not directly

deal with anxiety and certainly doesn't address the OCD in any way.

Also, she is much more advanced cognitively than most of her

classmates, and this " strength " is not built on in the program. The

school psychologists and social workers that are available through

the special ed. program don't deal with these issues either -- it is

beyond their field of expertise, I guess! I feel as though the

anxiety should be addressed directly through the program -- just as

a child with motor delays receives OT services or a child with

speech delay receives speech services, a child with social/emotional

delays (which is one area of qualification for the program) should

receive services directly related to their delay. But, they say, the

program itself provides that.

>

> One more thing you might want to consider , there is a program

called Child

> Find that helps young children before they are school age with

problems such

> as language issues or other issues before they are school

age ,and the school

> system provides this for free. You might want to look and see if

your area

> has this program. My son was also showing some of his frustration

at three,

> due to the fact he had an expressive language problem, and it was

making his

> OCD worse. This is just a thought.

>

> Sheree

>

>

>