To Shirley Re: Going Out !!!

July 19, 2005

Shirley,

Don't beat yourself about enabling, we have ALL done it. My

daughter's therapist said that it is OK to enable when in " crisis "

mode (before therapy and/or meds begin to kick in) just to get through

the crisis. Once things are calming down a bit, we need to slowly

withdraw our part in the compulsions and rituals.

And I have cried a river dealing with this OCD, it can reduce us to

pitiful creatures!

Here's some humor, though, I realize I wrote " I get a pit in my

stomach " - of course I meant a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I

had to laugh at myself, picturing a giant peach pit or something!

As for the laundry issue, have you had her do the washing herself?

Maybe it would help her see how time consuming it is....maybe not. My

brother often brags that he perfected potty training this way, after

an accident he'd have his twins go through the long process of washing

the clothes, then taking a bath and putting on clean clothes. Pretty

soon they understood it took too long and hey, they COULD take time

out from playing to go potty!

Here's another analogy on enabling, in fact I've related it to my OCD

daughter (). When she was a baby she insisted on being carried

around (not rocked) before bedtime until she fell asleep. She was a

chubby baby to boot, and by 9 or 10 months my back was killing me,

since it kept taking longer and longer to get her to sleep. So I did

what many find cruel -- I put her in her crib while she was drowsy,

but awake, and let her cry it out. I first let her go for 5 minutes,

then check on her and reassure her, then 10 minutes, etc. It took a

few nights of this and it was agonizing to hear her cry, but it worked

like a charm. To this day she goes to sleep great, and stays asleep.

Now that I think of it, the gradual increase in minutes is alot like

what we do with ERP.

Anyway, likes that story - it helped her understand why Mommy

is being so mean sometimes, forcing HER to deal with OCD and not

relying on me.

Hang in there!

nna.

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