Re: Uncomfortable Experience at the Gym

[Guest guest]

Wear headphones, and if stupid people attempt to speak to you, shrug

and continue your workout as though you can't hear them. He was

probably just looking for an excuse to talk to the pretty girl and

make himself look smart. Clearly he knows how to impress the little

ladies. I can tell you were impressed, right? LOL

Don't let him get to you. He doesn't know anything about you, your

routine, or your goals. Three sets of twelve is standard beginner

advice. Maybe he was trying to be friendly and helpful and didn't

realize that he was being an annoying jerk. There really isn't any

merit to what he said. Make sure your breathing is right so he can't

bug you again - exhale on the contraction, inhale on the release.

Understand that this kind of thing happens no matter how fit you are

or how long you've been lifting. Some fool will always want to give

you some pointers. If you read M & F Hers or Oxygen, those fitness pros

say that they get unsolicited advice and stupid pick-up lines all the

time.

On 2/18/06, loloinnj@... <loloinnj@...> wrote:

> Today I was training biceps/triceps at the gym. I've been trying to get

greater strength/size in my biceps, and I recently read an article in M & F Hers

(old copy I have lying around) which talked about doing 5-10-20 reps of a body

part within a set, dropping the weight (and switching exercises) for each group

of reps. One group is for size, one is for strength, and one is for endurance.

So, I was doing a bit of a variant of that, 6 reps pretty heavy, then

immediately 6 reps lighter. It was definitely a struggle.

>

> Anyway, I was doing machine curls - my last exercise - when I saw this man

watching me. After several moments of him eyeballing me, he finally came over

and asked if I'd mind a little advice. He proceeded to tell me that 1) I was

lifting too heavy 2) I wasn't breathing properly and 3) I wasn't resting enough

between sets. He then instructed me on how to breathe, told me I should be

resting at least a minute between sets, and said I should be doing 3 sets, 12

reps each, at a weight I can handle fairly well. He claimed within two weeks

I'd already be stronger but by doing what I was doing I was just wasting my

time.

>

> Now, putting aside the unsolicited advice (which I resent) and the fact that

he was big and fairly overweight and not exactly Bill , AND he does his

cardio before lifting weights (which I understand to be a no-no) - what am I to

make of his suggestions? Is he right? I guess I don't see how you can get

stronger if you just keep repeatedly lifting a weight that isn't a significant

challenge. Additionally, I try to rest only 30 seconds between sets to keep my

heart rate up. I understand everyone has different techniques, and what he was

suggesting my have worked well for him, but maybe it is a good idea. I frankly

don't know enough to say for sure.

>

> Mainly the whole encounter made me feel first small, and then irritated.

>

> Thoughts?

> Lo

[Guest guest]

This makes me insane. I have said before that I am not sure what

happens when some people enter gyms or martial arts training dojos....

Great suggestions from people but I also would add that alot of

unwanted attention that women get from men can also be decreased by

body language and facial expression. When I go to the gym, I am all

business and it shows. Most women tend to smile when engaged or

nervous...and many people see this as a opening. If someone says good

morning or smiles, I usually give back a nod or neutral eye contact

and a good morning back and continue on my business. I personally

hate gyms that are more like pick up places versus training centers

and I really hate when I am concentrating or writing little numbers

down I get some idiot who wants to make small talk.

I have had the gamet of trying to be picked up at the gym to having

some cretan throw a flat weight bench at me to exhert his territory by

the free weight area.

One charming experience that I have and some others have reported is

when you reach a point where you are lifting weights and training in a

way that is very threatening to some at the gym. For every attempted

pick up/tip/helpful guy, I have had the converse idiot who is very

upset/intimidated/irrated guy who can deal with a woman who has

muscles or knows what she is doing in a gym. This statement gets

10-fold in a dojo.

This is why I stay in my own little world armed with walkman, notebook

and pencil with a nice neutral mindless look on my face just caught up

in my own little weighted busy work.

> > Today I was training biceps/triceps at the gym. I've been trying

to get greater strength/size in my biceps, and I recently read an

article in M & F Hers (old copy I have lying around) which talked about

doing 5-10-20 reps of a body part within a set, dropping the weight

(and switching exercises) for each group of reps. One group is for

size, one is for strength, and one is for endurance. So, I was doing

a bit of a variant of that, 6 reps pretty heavy, then immediately 6

reps lighter. It was definitely a struggle.

> >

> > Anyway, I was doing machine curls - my last exercise - when I saw

this man watching me. After several moments of him eyeballing me, he

finally came over and asked if I'd mind a little advice. He proceeded

to tell me that 1) I was lifting too heavy 2) I wasn't breathing

properly and 3) I wasn't resting enough between sets. He then

instructed me on how to breathe, told me I should be resting at least

a minute between sets, and said I should be doing 3 sets, 12 reps

each, at a weight I can handle fairly well. He claimed within two

weeks I'd already be stronger but by doing what I was doing I was just

wasting my time.

> >

> > Now, putting aside the unsolicited advice (which I resent) and the

fact that he was big and fairly overweight and not exactly Bill

, AND he does his cardio before lifting weights (which I

understand to be a no-no) - what am I to make of his suggestions? Is

he right? I guess I don't see how you can get stronger if you just

keep repeatedly lifting a weight that isn't a significant challenge.

Additionally, I try to rest only 30 seconds between sets to keep my

heart rate up. I understand everyone has different techniques, and

what he was suggesting my have worked well for him, but maybe it is a

good idea. I frankly don't know enough to say for sure.

> >

> > Mainly the whole encounter made me feel first small, and then

irritated.

> >

> > Thoughts?

> > Lo

>

[Guest guest]

You know, I don't think that he is completely stupid, and you cannot

judge a persons knowledge by their phsique (my favorite saying is you

don't have to be a star quarter-back to know the rules of the game).

First, he asked if you wanted some advise. You could have said no.

Second, he said you were not breathing correctly. I don't know how you

were breathing or how he told you to breath, so I can't say if he is

right or wrong, but I know I see LOTS of people working out not

breathing correctly, holding their breath through the whole movement.

This increases your blood pressure and can lead to too much pressure;

I've read that it can be enough to cause a retina problem.

Third, he told you to rest one minute between sets JUST AS BFL

SUGGESTS. You say you are taking only 30 seconds to keep you heart

rate up, but I have never read anywhere that this is soemthing you

want to do during lifting. Maybe you know something I don't...there

is a huge library filled with things I don't know so....

As for the lifting one weight that you are comfortable with for more

reps...well, that is one school of thought, especially for those that

think that " women should not bulk up " . I don't want to do it, but his

believing in it does not make him an idiot.

Give him a break, he thought he was being helpful and respectful.

Look at what you are doing, does any of his suggestions sound like

something that will work for you? No? Then you don't have to take them.

my two cents.

Barbara

[Guest guest]

hmmm funny. I've actually gotten some nice compliments from men.... " way

to lift heavy " etc. Today a woman came up to me and said, " wow, 60 pound

crunches " , I was confused, I think of it as 30 pounds in each arm..

ha! then I had to prove I could do 70.

In addition, I've had men rescue me at the bench press.

I guess I'm big and mean and scary, no one tries to pick me up

LOL. DARN!!!! (just kidding) I would hate the small talk thing

though.. maybe it shows.

Diane

At 02:19 PM 2/18/2006, you wrote:

>This makes me insane. I have said before that I am not sure what

>happens when some people enter gyms or martial arts training dojos....

>

>Great suggestions from people but I also would add that alot of

>unwanted attention that women get from men can also be decreased by

>body language and facial expression. When I go to the gym, I am all

>business and it shows. Most women tend to smile when engaged or

>nervous...and many people see this as a opening. If someone says good

>morning or smiles, I usually give back a nod or neutral eye contact

>and a good morning back and continue on my business. I personally

>hate gyms that are more like pick up places versus training centers

>and I really hate when I am concentrating or writing little numbers

>down I get some idiot who wants to make small talk.

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[Guest guest]

I don't think anyone called the person completely stupid. But more

importantly, the original poster said it made her feel small and

irritated which I can easily see why.

Also, and I ask rhetorically, I wonder if this helpful gym member

watches men members breathe and their routine and if the guys are

working out correctly. I find that the dynamic of men doing what the

poster wrote usually happens mostly to women and not the reverse or to

other men. It also assumed that she did not know what she was doing

or performing.

One other element I just wanted to comment on is that alot of helpful

Joes have no knowledge, training, or professional credentials to offer

their suggestions. If you look around a gym, many people work out

incorrectly (as far as form)and information is cheap. I had done

helpful person inform me that I am doing leg extensions incorrectly.

Meanwhile, my adaptive leg extension was prescribed by my orthopedic

surgeon and PT. The 13 inch scar didn't deter him and he did not let

up. Finally I had to tell him that I needed to concentrate on what I

was doing and he walked away. My point is that there is helpful in

context and then there is helpful like an annoying gnat.

I personally think it is creepy that someone would be watching me to

see if I am breathing correctly or not and quite frankly, I don't want

anyone that involved or focused in what I am doing at the gym as a

complete stranger. After all, aren't they there to work out their body?

I have men spot me and I have also had many a share of exchange of

" you may want to try this " with some of my regulars (male or female)

but we do it with eachother without presumption that we " need help or

assistance " . None of these folks would approach a stranger member (we

actually have talked about this before) as one guy said that he

thought it would be intrusive and would make someone feel

uncomfortable...especially if they are a new face at the gym. The one

caveat we all had was if someone was doing something that was outright

dangerous...and even then, the group thought they would go to gym

staff member so they could help the member.

Saying all this, I am sure other folks may find the origianl poster's

situation something that would not make them feel irritated or small.

I'm not one of them. We all have our social comfort levels and

public boundaries.

>

> You know, I don't think that he is completely stupid, and you cannot

> judge a persons knowledge by their phsique (my favorite saying is you

> don't have to be a star quarter-back to know the rules of the game).

>

> First, he asked if you wanted some advise. You could have said no.

>

> Second, he said you were not breathing correctly. I don't know how you

> were breathing or how he told you to breath, so I can't say if he is

> right or wrong, but I know I see LOTS of people working out not

> breathing correctly, holding their breath through the whole movement.

> This increases your blood pressure and can lead to too much pressure;

> I've read that it can be enough to cause a retina problem.

>

> Third, he told you to rest one minute between sets JUST AS BFL

> SUGGESTS. You say you are taking only 30 seconds to keep you heart

> rate up, but I have never read anywhere that this is soemthing you

> want to do during lifting. Maybe you know something I don't...there

> is a huge library filled with things I don't know so....

>

> As for the lifting one weight that you are comfortable with for more

> reps...well, that is one school of thought, especially for those that

> think that " women should not bulk up " . I don't want to do it, but his

> believing in it does not make him an idiot.

>

> Give him a break, he thought he was being helpful and respectful.

> Look at what you are doing, does any of his suggestions sound like

> something that will work for you? No? Then you don't have to take

them.

>

> my two cents.

>

> Barbara

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for everyone who weighed in with ever so helpful comments

on my experience this morning. I understand fully that the guy was

probably just trying to be nice - I'm sure in his mind, he was doing

his good deed for the day - but I found it offputting because I

didn't ask for any help and I just feel like it's very presumptuous

to bug into someone's workout and offer them advice. I go to the

gym to get a job done - not to socialize, not to hang out. I know I

could have said " NO! " when he asked me if I wanted some advice - but

it's a small community gym where lots of people know each other, and

it's simply not in my DNA to be brusque like that (my issue, most

definitely). The fact that someone was actually watching me and

cataloguing what he believed were my faults really creeped me out -

that's what made me feel small. The fact that he would attempt to

discuss them with me was irritating.

I know one respondent questioned the 30 second rest time between

sets - I've actually read about that in a number of fitness

magazines (M & F Hers, Oxygen, perhaps even the old Muscle Media).

Supposedly it turns the old weight workout into more of a fat-

burning extravaganza. I have been lifting for over a year, so I'm

not following the BFL exercise plan exactly. I follow the food plan

as prescribed.

Anyway, I think it's just best to chalk it up as an experience and

next time wear the headphones for the iPod that Santa Husband bought

me for Christmas. I totally agree with the poster who pointed out

it's unlikely that this gentleman would offer his great suggestions

to another man. I guess the weight room is one area where there's

still a touch of sexism, at least for a few people. This is the

first time this has ever happened to me, so clearly it's a rarity.

Regardless, I appreciate all of your thoughts on this.

Best wishes,

Lo

> >

> > You know, I don't think that he is completely stupid, and you

cannot

> > judge a persons knowledge by their phsique (my favorite saying

is you

> > don't have to be a star quarter-back to know the rules of the

game).

> >

> > First, he asked if you wanted some advise. You could have said

no.

> >

> > Second, he said you were not breathing correctly. I don't know

how you

> > were breathing or how he told you to breath, so I can't say if

he is

> > right or wrong, but I know I see LOTS of people working out not

> > breathing correctly, holding their breath through the whole

movement.

> > This increases your blood pressure and can lead to too much

pressure;

> > I've read that it can be enough to cause a retina problem.

> >

> > Third, he told you to rest one minute between sets JUST AS BFL

> > SUGGESTS. You say you are taking only 30 seconds to keep you

heart

> > rate up, but I have never read anywhere that this is soemthing

you

> > want to do during lifting. Maybe you know something I

don't...there

> > is a huge library filled with things I don't know so....

> >

> > As for the lifting one weight that you are comfortable with for

more

> > reps...well, that is one school of thought, especially for those

that

> > think that " women should not bulk up " . I don't want to do it,

but his

> > believing in it does not make him an idiot.

> >

> > Give him a break, he thought he was being helpful and

respectful.

> > Look at what you are doing, does any of his suggestions sound

like

> > something that will work for you? No? Then you don't have to

take

> them.

> >

> > my two cents.

> >

> > Barbara

> >

>

[Guest guest]

blueruffian,

I understand what you are saying and am not saying you are entierly

wrong. Maybe I'm just trying to be optimistic. We are quick to

complain about people making wrong assumptions about us, but then just

as quick to make assumptions about others. The original poster felt

small and irritated, so we are all ready to condem not only this guy

but a whole catogory of guys.

When he asked if she wanted advice she could have said no. When he

gave her his advise she should have told him her opinion, her plan,

and her great results so far, so thanks for the advise but I'll stick

with what I'm doing.

I'm just saying, part of my transformation is to think in a kinder,

gentler way, so negative thoughts don't clutter up my psychi.

Barbara

[Guest guest]

That¹s part of the Weider principle, but I can¹t remember which one. It

does work for building mass. You aren¹t wasting your time. And define

breathing properly. You shouldn¹t hold your breath but I breath backwards

to what the trainers all tell you and it hasn¹t hurt me in 26 years! You

don¹t want to add so much weight that you lose your form. A lot of people

at the gym have really crappy form. You should be able to curl a dumbbell

with out ³throwing² the weight up or rocking back and forth to complete a

rep. Neither should you lean against a wall to do them. If you can¹t stand

rock solid in the middle of the gym and do it, the weight is to heavy. If

you¹re using a machine, that¹s not a problem, if you can¹t sit in the seat

and do it, it¹s too much. Now I understand that you did 6 pretty heavy, 6 a

little lighter and then what after that? If you¹re switching exercises

around, you can go with less rest in between and not have it suffer. I walk

back and forth between and leg extension or curl machine and a dip machine

or a fly machine every single work out to speed it up and get my heart rate

up. You can do that.

I¹d tell fat boy to hit the bricks, but I¹ve got a bad attitude. I had a

new guy come into the gym a couple of months back trying that crap. You

wanna this, you wanna that. I said, you don¹t know why I¹m here and you

come in here telling how to do it? I thought, you open with telling what

to do and you want a date? Am I so stupid that I would think my life would

be any different? Wear this. Do the dishes like this. Fold the laundry

like that. Make the dinner like this. Hit the road Jack.

On 2/18/06 10:04 AM, " loloinnj@... " <loloinnj@...>

wrote:

> Today I was training biceps/triceps at the gym. I've been trying to get

> greater strength/size in my biceps, and I recently read an article in M & F Hers

> (old copy I have lying around) which talked about doing 5-10-20 reps of a body

> part within a set, dropping the weight (and switching exercises) for each

> group of reps. One group is for size, one is for strength, and one is for

> endurance. So, I was doing a bit of a variant of that, 6 reps pretty heavy,

> then immediately 6 reps lighter. It was definitely a struggle.

>

> Anyway, I was doing machine curls - my last exercise - when I saw this man

> watching me. After several moments of him eyeballing me, he finally came over

> and asked if I'd mind a little advice. He proceeded to tell me that 1) I was

> lifting too heavy 2) I wasn't breathing properly and 3) I wasn't resting

> enough between sets. He then instructed me on how to breathe, told me I

> should be resting at least a minute between sets, and said I should be doing 3

> sets, 12 reps each, at a weight I can handle fairly well. He claimed within

> two weeks I'd already be stronger but by doing what I was doing I was just

> wasting my time.

>

> Now, putting aside the unsolicited advice (which I resent) and the fact that

> he was big and fairly overweight and not exactly Bill , AND he does

> his cardio before lifting weights (which I understand to be a no-no) - what am

> I to make of his suggestions? Is he right? I guess I don't see how you can

> get stronger if you just keep repeatedly lifting a weight that isn't a

> significant challenge. Additionally, I try to rest only 30 seconds between

> sets to keep my heart rate up. I understand everyone has different

> techniques, and what he was suggesting my have worked well for him, but maybe

> it is a good idea. I frankly don't know enough to say for sure.

>

> Mainly the whole encounter made me feel first small, and then irritated.

>

> Thoughts?

> Lo

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'd like to learn more about doing 3 sets consecutively actually. I get

bored waiting around, so I superset a different muscle, like calves when

I'm working back. I do want to build mass though! Am I sabotaging my results?

Diane

At 10:24 AM 2/19/2006, you wrote:

>That¹s part of the Weider principle, but I can¹t remember which one. It

>does work for building mass. You aren¹t wasting your time. And define

>breathing properly. You shouldn¹t hold your breath but I breath backwards

>to what the trainers all tell you and it hasn¹t hurt me in 26 years! You

>don¹t want to add so much weight that you lose your form. A lot of people

>at the gym have really crappy form. You should be able to curl a dumbbell

>with out ³throwing² the weight up or rocking back and forth to complete a

>rep. Neither should you lean against a wall to do them. If you can¹t stand

>rock solid in the middle of the gym and do it, the weight is to heavy. If

>you¹re using a machine, that¹s not a problem, if you can¹t sit in the seat

>and do it, it¹s too much. Now I understand that you did 6 pretty heavy, 6 a

>little lighter and then what after that? If you¹re switching exercises

>around, you can go with less rest in between and not have it suffer. I walk

>back and forth between and leg extension or curl machine and a dip machine

>or a fly machine every single work out to speed it up and get my heart rate

>up. You can do that.

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[Guest guest]

There will always be dozens of people with many different forms of

advice that don't jive at all with BFL. The surefire way to avoid

interaction with people in the gym is to wear headphones and turn up

the music. Then all they get is the deer in the headlights look and it

discourages them from approaching.

That man's problem isn't doing cardio before weights. He probably eats

too much of the wrong stuff and his own gym workouts are a waste of

time.

I'm guilty of doing cardio before weights four to five days a week.

There is no way I could do cardio after weights because doing weights

totally saps me. Cardio, even intense cardio, simply warms up my

muscles for the upcoming weight workout.

Stasia

[Guest guest]

Hi Barbara,

I understand what you are putting forward. I guess I don't see it as

an optimistic thing or negative thoughts cluttering up my pysche. I

don't think the original poster did either.

Everyone has personal and public boundaries and I see it more along

the lines of this. I don't see why the poster needs to say no as she

didn't ask for the help in the first place and was put in an

uncomfortable and unsolicted position in the first place. I guess I

could further elaborate that even if I wanted to be a helpful Bob in a

gym, I would probably weigh in my own mind that I am offering

unsolicted advice, interupting a stranger's workout, perhaps I don't

know the reason(nor is it my business) she is working out the way she

is working out, and probably the most important question I am going to

ask myself is why is this stranger's workout more important than me

concentrating on mine? As I said before which is just my little take

on this, I find it major creepy than someone is that engrossed in my

workout and is that focused to watch my breathing. It's one thing to

ask if you need help like spotting, another to fixate on someone's

work out and evaluate what is wrong, improper, etc.

So, saying all this, I think everyone should develop or package their

take on this gym example. I don't think there is a right or wrong

answer but I would urge the original poster to trust her gut as to how

it made her feel and then come up with what works well in her world.

I think most women whether in the gym or in any other place have had

helpful Bobs or other unsolicited attention. I can more than

understand where the original poster came from and I do respect that

you process it differently.

>

> blueruffian,

>

> I understand what you are saying and am not saying you are entierly

> wrong. Maybe I'm just trying to be optimistic. We are quick to

> complain about people making wrong assumptions about us, but then just

> as quick to make assumptions about others. The original poster felt

> small and irritated, so we are all ready to condem not only this guy

> but a whole catogory of guys.

>

> When he asked if she wanted advice she could have said no. When he

> gave her his advise she should have told him her opinion, her plan,

> and her great results so far, so thanks for the advise but I'll stick

> with what I'm doing.

>

> I'm just saying, part of my transformation is to think in a kinder,

> gentler way, so negative thoughts don't clutter up my psychi.

>

> Barbara

>