10 things a child with autism wishes you knew............

[Guest guest]

10 Things The Student with Autism Wishes You Knew (...and it makes sense for other kids too!) By Ellen Notbohm Author's note: When my article Ten Things Every Child with AutismWishes You Knew was first published in November 2004, I could scarcely haveimagined the response. Reader after reader wrote to tell me that the pieceshould be required reading for all social service workers, teachers andrelatives of children with autism. "Just what my daughter would say if shecould," said one mother. "How I wish I had read this five years ago. Ittook my husband and I such a long time to 'learn' these things," saidanother. As the responses mounted, I decided that the resonance was comingfrom the fact that the piece spoke with a child's voice, a voice not heardoften enough. There is great need - and I hope, great willingness - tounderstand the world as special needs children experience it. So the voiceof our child returns now to tell us what children with autism wish theirteachers knew. 1. Behavior is communication. All behavior occurs for a reason. Ittells you, even when my words can't, how I perceive what is happening aroundme. Negative behavior interferes with my learning process. But merelyinterrupting these behaviors is not enough; teach me to exchange thesebehaviors with proper alternatives so that real learning can flow. Start by believing this: I truly do want to learn to interactappropriately. No child wants the negative feedback we get from "bad"behavior. Negative behavior usually means I am overwhelmed by disorderedsensory systems, cannot communicate my wants or needs or don't understandwhat is expected of me. Look beyond the behavior to find the source of myresistance. Keep notes as to what happened immediately before the behavior:people involved, time of day, activities, settings. Over time, a patternmay emerge. 2. Never assume anything. Without factual backup, an assumption isonly a guess. I may not know or understand the rules. I may have heard theinstructions but not understood them. Maybe I knew it yesterday but can'tretrieve it today. Ask yourself: Are you sure I really know how to do what is being asked of me? If Isuddenly need to run to the bathroom every time I'm asked to do a mathsheet, maybe I don't know how or fear my effort will not be good enough.Stick with me through enough repetitions of the task to where I feelcompetent. I may need more practice to master tasks than other kids. Are you sure I actually know the rules? Do I understand the reason forthe rule (safety, economy, health)? Am I breaking the rule because there isan underlying cause? Maybe I pinched a snack out of my lunch bag earlybecause I was worried about finishing my science project, didn't eatbreakfast and am now famished. 3. Look for sensory issues first. A lot of my resistant behaviors comefrom sensory discomfort. One example is fluorescent lighting, which hasbeen shown over and over again to be a major problem for children like me.The hum it produces is very disturbing to my hypersensitive hearing, and thepulsing nature of the light can distort my visual perception, making objectsin the room appear to be in constant movement. An incandescent lamp on mydesk will reduce the flickering, as will the new, natural light tubes. Ormaybe I need to sit closer to you; I don't understand what you are sayingbecause there are too many noises "in between" - that lawnmower outside thewindow, Jasmine whispering to , chairs scraping, pencil sharpenergrinding. Ask the school occupational therapist for sensory-friendly ideas forthe classroom. It's actually good for all kids, not just me. 4. Provide me a break to allow for self-regulation before I need it. Aquiet, carpeted corner of the room with some pillows, books and headphonesallows me a place to go to re-group when I feel overwhelmed, but isn't sofar physically removed that I won't be able to rejoin the activity flow ofthe classroom smoothly. 5. Tell me what you want me to do in the positive rather than theimperative. "You left a mess by the sink!" is merely a statement of fact tome. I'm not able to infer that what you really mean is "Please rinse outyour paint cup and put the paper towels in the trash." Don't make me guessor have to figure out what I should do. 6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly withhundreds of kids packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about thecandy sale is uncomfortable and meaningless to me. Maybe I'd be better offhelping the school secretary put together the newsletter. 7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longerto motor plan moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minutewarning and a two-minute warning before an activity changes - and build afew extra minutes in on your end to compensate. A simple clock face ortimer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the time of the next transitionand helps me handle it more independently. 8. Don't make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you area mature adult, you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of themoment. I truly don't mean to melt down, show anger or otherwise disruptyour classroom. You can help me get over it more quickly by not respondingwith inflammatory behavior of your own. Beware of these responses thatprolong rather than resolve a crisis: _ Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling andshrieking, but not the words. _ Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling willnot embarrass me out of the behavior. _ Making unsubstantiated accusations _ Invoking a double standard _ Comparing me to a sibling or other student _ Bringing up previous or unrelated events _ Lumping me into a general category ("kids like you are all the same") 9. Criticize gently. Be honest - how good are you at accepting"constructive" criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to dothat may be light years beyond my abilities right now. Should you nevercorrect me? Of course not. But do it kindly, so that I actually hear you. Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I amangry, distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwiseemotionally unable to interact with you. Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to thequalities of your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shoutingand the annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore willnot be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and loweryour body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather thantowering over me. Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive,problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin downthe feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe Iwas afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response. Practice or role-play - show me-a better way to handle the situationnext time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect torole-play lots over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get itright "next time," tell me right away. It helps me if you yourself aremodeling proper behavior for responding to criticism. 10. Offer real choices - and only real choices. Don't offer me achoice or ask a "Do you want...?" question unless are willing to accept nofor an answer. "No" may be my honest answer to "Do you want to read outloud now?" or "Would you like to share paints with ?" It's hard forme to trust you when choices are not really choices at all. You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a dailybasis. You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both havingchoices and being able to choose provides you control over your life andfuture. For me, choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harderto feel confident about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps mebecome more actively engaged in everyday life. Whenever possible, offer a choice within a 'have-to'. Rather thansaying: "Write your name and the date on the top of the page," say: "Wouldyou like to write your name first, or would you like to write the datefirst?" or "Which would you like to write first, letters or numbers?"Follow by showing me: "See how is writing his name on his paper?" Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also needto understand that there will be times when you can't. When this happens, Iwon't get as frustrated if I understand why: "I can't give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous.You might get hurt." "I can't give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny" (havenegative effect on another child). "I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adultchoice." The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, "Whether youthink you can or whether you think you can't, you are usually right."Believe that you can make a difference for me. It requires accommodationand adaptation, but autism is an open-ended disability. There are noinherent upper limits on achievement. I can sense far more than I cancommunicate, and the number one thing I can sense is whether or not youthink I "can do it." Expect more and you will get more. Encourage me to beeverything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I've left yourclassroom. Ellen Notbohm is author of the new book Ten Things Every Child withAutism Wishes You Knew, winner of iParenting Media's Greatest Products of2005 Award, and co-author of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and RaisingChildren with Autism Spectrum Disorders, winner of Learning Magazine's 2006Teacher's Choice Award. She can be reached at ellen@... -- > DO SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM NOW < --

Lois Noland 240-420-3692Always in search for the "cure"

Lois Noland240-420-3692I don't give inI don't give upAnd I don't take no for an answerAlways looking for the "Cure"

I don't give inI don't give upAnd I don't take NO for an answer.

If God Brings you to it,He will Bring you though it.

[Guest guest]

10 Things The Student with Autism Wishes You Knew (...and it makes sense for other kids too!) By Ellen Notbohm Author's note: When my article Ten Things Every Child with AutismWishes You Knew was first published in November 2004, I could scarcely haveimagined the response. Reader after reader wrote to tell me that the pieceshould be required reading for all social service workers, teachers andrelatives of children with autism. "Just what my daughter would say if shecould," said one mother. "How I wish I had read this five years ago. Ittook my husband and I such a long time to 'learn' these things," saidanother. As the responses mounted, I decided that the resonance was comingfrom the fact that the piece spoke with a child's voice, a voice not heardoften enough. There is great need - and I hope, great willingness - tounderstand the world as special needs children experience it. So the voiceof our child returns now to tell us what children with autism wish theirteachers knew. 1. Behavior is communication. All behavior occurs for a reason. Ittells you, even when my words can't, how I perceive what is happening aroundme. Negative behavior interferes with my learning process. But merelyinterrupting these behaviors is not enough; teach me to exchange thesebehaviors with proper alternatives so that real learning can flow. Start by believing this: I truly do want to learn to interactappropriately. No child wants the negative feedback we get from "bad"behavior. Negative behavior usually means I am overwhelmed by disorderedsensory systems, cannot communicate my wants or needs or don't understandwhat is expected of me. Look beyond the behavior to find the source of myresistance. Keep notes as to what happened immediately before the behavior:people involved, time of day, activities, settings. Over time, a patternmay emerge. 2. Never assume anything. Without factual backup, an assumption isonly a guess. I may not know or understand the rules. I may have heard theinstructions but not understood them. Maybe I knew it yesterday but can'tretrieve it today. Ask yourself: Are you sure I really know how to do what is being asked of me? If Isuddenly need to run to the bathroom every time I'm asked to do a mathsheet, maybe I don't know how or fear my effort will not be good enough.Stick with me through enough repetitions of the task to where I feelcompetent. I may need more practice to master tasks than other kids. Are you sure I actually know the rules? Do I understand the reason forthe rule (safety, economy, health)? Am I breaking the rule because there isan underlying cause? Maybe I pinched a snack out of my lunch bag earlybecause I was worried about finishing my science project, didn't eatbreakfast and am now famished. 3. Look for sensory issues first. A lot of my resistant behaviors comefrom sensory discomfort. One example is fluorescent lighting, which hasbeen shown over and over again to be a major problem for children like me.The hum it produces is very disturbing to my hypersensitive hearing, and thepulsing nature of the light can distort my visual perception, making objectsin the room appear to be in constant movement. An incandescent lamp on mydesk will reduce the flickering, as will the new, natural light tubes. Ormaybe I need to sit closer to you; I don't understand what you are sayingbecause there are too many noises "in between" - that lawnmower outside thewindow, Jasmine whispering to , chairs scraping, pencil sharpenergrinding. Ask the school occupational therapist for sensory-friendly ideas forthe classroom. It's actually good for all kids, not just me. 4. Provide me a break to allow for self-regulation before I need it. Aquiet, carpeted corner of the room with some pillows, books and headphonesallows me a place to go to re-group when I feel overwhelmed, but isn't sofar physically removed that I won't be able to rejoin the activity flow ofthe classroom smoothly. 5. Tell me what you want me to do in the positive rather than theimperative. "You left a mess by the sink!" is merely a statement of fact tome. I'm not able to infer that what you really mean is "Please rinse outyour paint cup and put the paper towels in the trash." Don't make me guessor have to figure out what I should do. 6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly withhundreds of kids packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about thecandy sale is uncomfortable and meaningless to me. Maybe I'd be better offhelping the school secretary put together the newsletter. 7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longerto motor plan moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minutewarning and a two-minute warning before an activity changes - and build afew extra minutes in on your end to compensate. A simple clock face ortimer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the time of the next transitionand helps me handle it more independently. 8. Don't make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you area mature adult, you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of themoment. I truly don't mean to melt down, show anger or otherwise disruptyour classroom. You can help me get over it more quickly by not respondingwith inflammatory behavior of your own. Beware of these responses thatprolong rather than resolve a crisis: _ Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling andshrieking, but not the words. _ Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling willnot embarrass me out of the behavior. _ Making unsubstantiated accusations _ Invoking a double standard _ Comparing me to a sibling or other student _ Bringing up previous or unrelated events _ Lumping me into a general category ("kids like you are all the same") 9. Criticize gently. Be honest - how good are you at accepting"constructive" criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to dothat may be light years beyond my abilities right now. Should you nevercorrect me? Of course not. But do it kindly, so that I actually hear you. Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I amangry, distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwiseemotionally unable to interact with you. Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to thequalities of your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shoutingand the annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore willnot be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and loweryour body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather thantowering over me. Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive,problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin downthe feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe Iwas afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response. Practice or role-play - show me-a better way to handle the situationnext time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect torole-play lots over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get itright "next time," tell me right away. It helps me if you yourself aremodeling proper behavior for responding to criticism. 10. Offer real choices - and only real choices. Don't offer me achoice or ask a "Do you want...?" question unless are willing to accept nofor an answer. "No" may be my honest answer to "Do you want to read outloud now?" or "Would you like to share paints with ?" It's hard forme to trust you when choices are not really choices at all. You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a dailybasis. You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both havingchoices and being able to choose provides you control over your life andfuture. For me, choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harderto feel confident about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps mebecome more actively engaged in everyday life. Whenever possible, offer a choice within a 'have-to'. Rather thansaying: "Write your name and the date on the top of the page," say: "Wouldyou like to write your name first, or would you like to write the datefirst?" or "Which would you like to write first, letters or numbers?"Follow by showing me: "See how is writing his name on his paper?" Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also needto understand that there will be times when you can't. When this happens, Iwon't get as frustrated if I understand why: "I can't give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous.You might get hurt." "I can't give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny" (havenegative effect on another child). "I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adultchoice." The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, "Whether youthink you can or whether you think you can't, you are usually right."Believe that you can make a difference for me. It requires accommodationand adaptation, but autism is an open-ended disability. There are noinherent upper limits on achievement. I can sense far more than I cancommunicate, and the number one thing I can sense is whether or not youthink I "can do it." Expect more and you will get more. Encourage me to beeverything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I've left yourclassroom. Ellen Notbohm is author of the new book Ten Things Every Child withAutism Wishes You Knew, winner of iParenting Media's Greatest Products of2005 Award, and co-author of 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and RaisingChildren with Autism Spectrum Disorders, winner of Learning Magazine's 2006Teacher's Choice Award. She can be reached at ellen@... -- > DO SOMETHING ABOUT AUTISM NOW < --

Lois Noland 240-420-3692Always in search for the "cure"

Lois Noland240-420-3692I don't give inI don't give upAnd I don't take no for an answerAlways looking for the "Cure"

I don't give inI don't give upAnd I don't take NO for an answer.

If God Brings you to it,He will Bring you though it.