A Thank You Letter

[Guest guest]

Dear Sandy and Sandi, and Jo, and Cindi, and Ann,Peggy, , Cameron, the son, and, his mom, and , the new a and the newbies with wonderful names which I'll manage to write about later, and, so, to all of you at this site, It is because I was informed by you, walked through this disease and its implications, complications and possible treatments, how to find doctors, what to ask them when I found them, what prospects I had, how to find out more information, leads on lateral treatments, time elements, recuperation modes, diet and much, much more, that I was able to ask the right questions, and know when I heard answers, whether or not I was in the right place and/or the right time. I GOT SECOND OPINIONS. I GOT THIRD OPINIONS. And I felt intelligent and self- motivated and empowered to

do so. It is the right thing to do. And I did it. GREAT ! I also got to talk with former patients, got to log on to hospital sites and see just what they offered and I looked up credentials! Whooooo-Hoooo! Powerful BlondeHood! Opting for surgery seemed to me to be a distant, vague sort of thing. I didn't connect to it. I had the odd notion that perhaps I'd have surgery and then I'd just go back to work. And, yes, I'd be sore and slow and cranky. Having surgery, knowing what was actually taking place, knowing the basics of what to expect, how I'd feel, what options I had, how to deal with doctors and staff, and then, knowing the realities of this disease, that this surgery does not cure it but it does make life feel better, was a serious life-check. Everything became real. Every- thing that

was important came to the fore. Even as I left Cedars when I was discharged, feeling weak and disassociating as I usually tend to do, I suddenly looked at the faces of patients and staff alike, and I thought how fragile life can be, how all of us deal with our own life issues and that life could be gone in a second. Had I not had this surgery, I have every reason to suspect that I'd have gone on with my Achalasia getting worse and worse and that the quality of my life would have followed en suite. One cannot be up and working and enjoying life at the best personal levels if, inside, there is a bunch of bacteria brewing, and organs are being stretched and ruined deep inside. And just what is more basic to staying alive than giving ones body nutrients (not a question but a statement). It's very possible that my depression and my lack

of enjoyment in my life is actually due to improper eating, not getting enough nutrients, not sleeping well, not being able to swallow, and all things we might associate with those connections. I don't know what made me stand up and take charge of myself when I did, but I suspect it was the adamant comments made to me by several here, including Sandy and Sandi and Peggy and others. Sometimes I thought Sandy might be overstating, but I didn't think that for very long. There was a sense of urgency and well-educated perseverance coming from her and her words stayed with me. She put that image of the disease into my head, the rotting food in a sagging sock with just about nowhere to go, and, as that image became more and more real (after all, I WAS regurgitating--sometimes, and I WAS having sticking food problems---sometimes,

plus foam and other simply lovely symptoms, such as projectile regurgitation at a large open eating area.....how wonderful to see Chinese noodles fly out my nostrils, accompanied by diet Coke and orange chicken, what must the Philharmonic think?) I knew, deep down, that I had to act. Thank You, One and All. Having said that, let me add that I know this is not over. I know that things can change. I know, too, that as long as you are all here, I'll have a "home" to come to, one where I will feel safe, understood, and even made to belly laugh, and God knows I can always use that! Deborah, at the beach P.S. Sandy! I requested, from my church (I am Anglican/Epis./C. of E.) that if it was possible, could my rector think of me in his prayers and he said YES and even sent an Anglican Chaplain to my room the day after surgery. His name is , he has a lovely reading voice, sky-brilliant-blue-eyes, a soft smile and a knowing, caring way about him. He read to me from Old and New Testament alike as well as some Anglican poetry. I will be calling my Rector to thank him and I fully intend to ask as if is single. Whooo-Hooo!