A rose is apporopriate for women today

[Guest guest]

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

COMMENTARY

A rose is appropriate for women today

Story by BO GORANSSON

Publication Date: 03/08/2006

More women in the world die from rape and domestic violence than from other

big killers like political conflict, car accidents, cancer and malaria.

There are highly funded international programmes costing billions of dollars

and engaging thousands of researchers, to combat malaria and research

cancer, while cars are also being made safer and safer. But when do we hear of

multi-billion dollar programmes to combat the attitudes of us men, being the

most

lethal of all threats to women. No, that fight is fought in conferences,

organised and attended – by women.

Every 30 minutes a woman in Kenya is raped. This means that by the time you

have finished reading this article at least one woman or girl child has

fallen victim to this crime. With 16,482 cases estimated in one year, rape has

struck a terrible all time high in Kenya. These figures were recently reported

by the Women Parliamentarians Association.

Most of the perpetrators of gender violence are relatives. It is less risky

for a woman to walk around among strangers than to be at home with her

husband, the person who promised to take care of her for better and for worse.

No

wonder my daughters are not interested in marriage.

Holiness of family

They are not in the least convinced about the holiness of family. The other

day the BBC reported that only 16 per cent of single women in the US were

actively looking for a partner. They preferred to enjoy an independent life.

Frustrated, unhappy and/or insecure men beat their partners, in Kenya and in

my home country, Sweden. But there seems to be a difference in attitudes.

In Sweden, no one would ever defend a wife beater. A man who beats his wife

is seen as a deeply disturbed person who would be despised or pitied, and

punished. The woman would be advised to leave him immediately if he repeats the

offence. Still, women stay with abusive partners in Sweden too, for love or

for fear, and some pay with their lives.

In Kenya, the view on domestic violence is different. According to a study

by the Health ministry, wife beating is accepted by a majority of Kenyans,

also by the women.

" Two out of every three women think that wife beating or hitting is

justified on the basis of at least one of the following reasons: wife burns

food,

argues with her husband, goes our without telling the husband, neglects their

children or refuses to have sexual relations with husband. "

Thus, a man has the right to " discipline " his wife. This widespread opinion

is contrary to the law. Violence is illegal. It is battering or assault, not

discipline. You are not allowed to beat a friend or a neighbour, why on earth

would it be acceptable to beat women and children just because they are

dependent on you and physically weaker?

One of the first news stories I read when I arrived in Kenya three years ago

was about a husband who beat his wife to death because she refused to fetch

him water in the middle of the night. " I did not mean to kill her " , he said.

" I just wanted to discipline her. "

The risk of being infected with Aids gives a new and horrifying dimension to

sexual violence. If you get the right medication within 72 hours the

infection can be stopped. That is wonderful. But how many women know this? And

we

all know that most women do not have the resources to get to a clinic, or buy

the medicine. And many are so shamed by the crime committed against them that

they just suffer in silence.

Promiscuous husbands come home and spread the disease to wives who are not

in a position to refuse sex or to demand condoms. The husband may see that as

disobedience and consider it his right to " discipline " her, that is beat or

rape her. Maybe this is why in some places married women are reported to be

more often infected by HIV than prostitutes.

There is a deafening silence from both men and women on the situation for

house girls. We all know that girls from the age of sometimes less than 10

become house-helps out of sheer poverty. Often children from the countryside are

trafficked and sold in the cities. In the " host families " they have no rights,

they are forced to work long days, they get no schooling and no salary.

It is not unusual that a man in the family sexually abuses them and they are

then kicked out, not seldom by the wife – to end up in the street. To walk

the streets is equivalent to a death sentence; most prostitutes are bound to be

infected with Aids.

Abuse of the human rights

This is not an exaggeration, these things happen all the time. It is a form

of slavery and society turns away from it. Why? Who is interested to maintain

this state of affairs?

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is another area of abuse of the human rights

of women where the whole society is partner in crime. Last December hundreds

of new children in Pokot, Marakwet and elsewhere were circumcised to be

married off, their future gone with the wind.

Sometimes this is called culture or tradition. But let us call a spade a

spade; it is a violation of human rights. True, it has diminished and in a

modern city like Nairobi, you seldom hear people advocate " the cut " . But when

will opinion- and decision-makers make this an important political issue, so

that enforcement of the law will be given priority?

But irrespective of FGM, rape or other forms of violence, how can men accept

this degrading role in our societies? In all societies, it is not those men;

it is we men. When will the fight to change our attitudes and actions be

given the same attention and resources as the fight against cancer, malaria and

for safer cars?

A gift to women on March 8? Well, a rose is a rose, but a course in self

defence or a can of pepper spray is unfortunately more relevant.

Mr Goransson is Swedish Ambassador to Kenya

Write to the author