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" First i laughed out loud at the last sentence... because that is

always how I feel... If you do not like what I look like or how I

dress, or how my hair is done... look the other way... I am me and

whoever does not like it tough Sh*t. Mitch is the same way... the

bad part is although we have these thoughts and we truly don't

care... our hearts are on our sleeves and we do get hurt by the

nasty comments and the hurtful words. I am an adult and I just

ignore and move on... teaching Mitch how to handle it is still

difficult. "

As much as I think the social aspect of society is pointless, one

has to admit that to survive in society, one ought to try to learn

as much about being social as one can.

I think Mitch ought to pick up as much as he can, but at the same

time you may want to remind him and yourself of three things:

1) He will never learn everything.

2) Most of what he learns he will not learn perfectly.

3) What he learns will change as he ages.

Childhood and adolescence are times when ALL kids are still trying

to learn how to be social. When you have cliques, it is usually

because a social bond has been established between a number of

people. The thing is, especially in childhood and adolesence, when

kids are continually maturing, these cliques are temporary and

transient, so what is learned changes quite often.

You can have five people in a group. One of them matures and finds

that juvenalia no longer interests her. She may then become the

outcast in THAT clique, but there are other cliques willing to

accept her...provided they meet with her approval, and provided she

has enough finesse to be able to penetrate the group.

I can remember my grandmother talking about having to undergo

lessons in " ettiquette " and " deportment. " These things should be

taught in the present day so that kids have a social definition to

strive for. Then anyone who acts above their age won't be such a

reject, and those who are socially clueless will have a better

chance at succeeding.

It IS important for people to have friends. was right when

he posted words to this effect. But in addition to helping your

young one learn how to interact with others his own age, another

goal ought to be to teach Mitch adult social ettiquette so that he

can come into adulthood with most of that already under his belt.

Tom

Administrator

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I said...

" The mundane, most of us don't care for, so if someone gets excited

because some new style of clothes is now being marketed, we won't

care. "

You replied:

" ...and you are so on the mark is was scary.... this is mitch to a

t. "

My reply:

You know how most non-Aspies can go to a party and mix right in? It

is because they are on the same social wavelength.

Aspies have their own wavelength and you will find we think alike.

Read the posts here and you will see differences in terms of

interests, and because some of us come from different countries, you

will see different word choices, but essentially, we SOUND alike.

And there is not too much personailty that gets expressed in our

writings either (with the exception of when we are involved in a

major debate. Then you might see anger. Or cynicism.)

Think of us as the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

:)

We live among you, but you don't know what we are thinking.

:)

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie in that it plays

on people's social fears and bashes people who are too social. You

go about your life normally and then these aliens come along and you

are forced to change, both in body and mind, to their way of

thinking, and abandon your own individual conscience for their

social one. If you try to keep your identity, as everyone else gets

converted, you suddenly find that YOU are the outcast and alone, and

the new people that you are afraid of are the norm.

Of course it can also be seen as an anti-communist movie, but when I

watch it (The Sutherland version) I like to sometimes watch

it from the perspective as pod-people being Aspies and everyone in

the world is forced to be like us.

THAT makes for quite a bit of entertainment.

Tom

Administrator

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I wrote:

"By the way, I am not a doctor, so everything I just said you ought to run past a professional."

Mimi responded:

"Tom in that meeting I mentioned the doctors turned to myself andanother mom and acknowledged that we are the experts. but just likeprofessionals we have different opinions. your input was sound andpragmatic far more valuable than a "professional" ;)"

My reply:

I know that.

(Insert arrogant grin here: )

But I offer the "I'm not a doctor" disclaimer to cover myself legally. Additionally, I do not know Mitch so I may be COMPLETELY off the mark despite what his mom says. Only a professional (in the truest sense of the word) can offer best opinions.

Tom

Administrator

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" It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for him

to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

such is life. "

He may not like water splashing up on his face from beneath him in the

bath. Also, he cannot totally immerse himself and feel comfortable in

the bathtub. Another thing you may want to do is ensure that the

bathtub is absolutely as clean as can be before he gets in. he may not

want to get into a bath or a shower that he perceieves as being dirty.

Tom

Administrator

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" Home is the safe zone... we try to make it a place where there is

no judgement and he can be himself without recrimination...I am

hoping that by doing this he can expand on his interests and find

something that suits him for his choice of work... (leaning towards

botnay, herbology, and landscaping) "

Your instinct is correct. This is precisely what he needs. Some

parents make home a bad place for Aspie kids by being harder on them

than the real world is. Some of the Aspies who have anger issues, or

get depressed, or, at worst, commit suicide, come from environments

like these.

Tom

Administrator

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" Home is the safe zone... we try to make it a place where there is

no judgement and he can be himself without recrimination...I am

hoping that by doing this he can expand on his interests and find

something that suits him for his choice of work... (leaning towards

botnay, herbology, and landscaping) "

Your instinct is correct. This is precisely what he needs. Some

parents make home a bad place for Aspie kids by being harder on them

than the real world is. Some of the Aspies who have anger issues, or

get depressed, or, at worst, commit suicide, come from environments

like these.

Tom

Administrator

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Tom

You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely

afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make me

wonder.

Rose

>

> " It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for him

> to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

> such is life. "

>

> He may not like water splashing up on his face from beneath him in

the

> bath. Also, he cannot totally immerse himself and feel comfortable

in

> the bathtub. Another thing you may want to do is ensure that the

> bathtub is absolutely as clean as can be before he gets in. he may

not

> want to get into a bath or a shower that he perceieves as being

dirty.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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Tom

You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely

afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make me

wonder.

Rose

>

> " It is funny... he will NOT wash it but it is ok for him

> to go underwater at the pool... but not in the bath... ah well...

> such is life. "

>

> He may not like water splashing up on his face from beneath him in

the

> bath. Also, he cannot totally immerse himself and feel comfortable

in

> the bathtub. Another thing you may want to do is ensure that the

> bathtub is absolutely as clean as can be before he gets in. he may

not

> want to get into a bath or a shower that he perceieves as being

dirty.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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tom

You make a good point however the proffesionals cannot give the

insight to a parent like all of you have. Experience is a great

teacher and your life experience is helping us in ways that doctors

cannot. this is why i requested to join the group for your life

experiences... WEG I cannot help Mitch in any way if I do not

understand how his mind. You all are the best.

Rose

>

> " By the way, I am not a doctor, so everything I just said you

ought to

> run past a professional. "

>

> Mimi responded:

>

> " Tom in that meeting I mentioned the doctors turned to myself and

> another mom and acknowledged that we are the experts. but just

like

> professionals we have different opinions. your input was sound and

> pragmatic far more valuable than a " professional " ;) "

>

> My reply:

>

> I know that.

>

> (Insert arrogant grin here: [:D] )

>

> But I offer the " I'm not a doctor " disclaimer to cover myself

legally.

> Additionally, I do not know Mitch so I may be COMPLETELY off the

mark

> despite what his mom says. Only a professional (in the truest

sense of

> the word) can offer best opinions.

>

> Tom

>

> Administrator

>

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tom

You make a good point however the proffesionals cannot give the

insight to a parent like all of you have. Experience is a great

teacher and your life experience is helping us in ways that doctors

cannot. this is why i requested to join the group for your life

experiences... WEG I cannot help Mitch in any way if I do not

understand how his mind. You all are the best.

Rose

>

> " By the way, I am not a doctor, so everything I just said you

ought to

> run past a professional. "

>

> Mimi responded:

>

> " Tom in that meeting I mentioned the doctors turned to myself and

> another mom and acknowledged that we are the experts. but just

like

> professionals we have different opinions. your input was sound and

> pragmatic far more valuable than a " professional " ;) "

>

> My reply:

>

> I know that.

>

> (Insert arrogant grin here: [:D] )

>

> But I offer the " I'm not a doctor " disclaimer to cover myself

legally.

> Additionally, I do not know Mitch so I may be COMPLETELY off the

mark

> despite what his mom says. Only a professional (in the truest

sense of

> the word) can offer best opinions.

>

> Tom

>

> Administrator

>

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That movie is an interesting choice... I will have to rent it as I

do not remember most of it. thanks for the insight.

Rose

>

> I said...

>

> " The mundane, most of us don't care for, so if someone gets excited

> because some new style of clothes is now being marketed, we won't

> care. "

>

> You replied:

>

> " ...and you are so on the mark is was scary.... this is mitch to a

> t. "

>

> My reply:

>

> You know how most non-Aspies can go to a party and mix right in?

It

> is because they are on the same social wavelength.

>

> Aspies have their own wavelength and you will find we think alike.

> Read the posts here and you will see differences in terms of

> interests, and because some of us come from different countries,

you

> will see different word choices, but essentially, we SOUND alike.

>

> And there is not too much personailty that gets expressed in our

> writings either (with the exception of when we are involved in a

> major debate. Then you might see anger. Or cynicism.)

>

> Think of us as the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

>

> :)

>

> We live among you, but you don't know what we are thinking.

>

> :)

>

> The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie in that it

plays

> on people's social fears and bashes people who are too social. You

> go about your life normally and then these aliens come along and

you

> are forced to change, both in body and mind, to their way of

> thinking, and abandon your own individual conscience for their

> social one. If you try to keep your identity, as everyone else

gets

> converted, you suddenly find that YOU are the outcast and alone,

and

> the new people that you are afraid of are the norm.

>

> Of course it can also be seen as an anti-communist movie, but when

I

> watch it (The Sutherland version) I like to sometimes watch

> it from the perspective as pod-people being Aspies and everyone in

> the world is forced to be like us.

>

> THAT makes for quite a bit of entertainment.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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That movie is an interesting choice... I will have to rent it as I

do not remember most of it. thanks for the insight.

Rose

>

> I said...

>

> " The mundane, most of us don't care for, so if someone gets excited

> because some new style of clothes is now being marketed, we won't

> care. "

>

> You replied:

>

> " ...and you are so on the mark is was scary.... this is mitch to a

> t. "

>

> My reply:

>

> You know how most non-Aspies can go to a party and mix right in?

It

> is because they are on the same social wavelength.

>

> Aspies have their own wavelength and you will find we think alike.

> Read the posts here and you will see differences in terms of

> interests, and because some of us come from different countries,

you

> will see different word choices, but essentially, we SOUND alike.

>

> And there is not too much personailty that gets expressed in our

> writings either (with the exception of when we are involved in a

> major debate. Then you might see anger. Or cynicism.)

>

> Think of us as the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

>

> :)

>

> We live among you, but you don't know what we are thinking.

>

> :)

>

> The Invasion of the Body Snatchers is a good movie in that it

plays

> on people's social fears and bashes people who are too social. You

> go about your life normally and then these aliens come along and

you

> are forced to change, both in body and mind, to their way of

> thinking, and abandon your own individual conscience for their

> social one. If you try to keep your identity, as everyone else

gets

> converted, you suddenly find that YOU are the outcast and alone,

and

> the new people that you are afraid of are the norm.

>

> Of course it can also be seen as an anti-communist movie, but when

I

> watch it (The Sutherland version) I like to sometimes watch

> it from the perspective as pod-people being Aspies and everyone in

> the world is forced to be like us.

>

> THAT makes for quite a bit of entertainment.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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Guest guest

what a great Idea.... something to work on that will help and make

him feel like he is accomplishing something. Thanks.

Rose

>

> " First i laughed out loud at the last sentence... because that is

> always how I feel... If you do not like what I look like or how I

> dress, or how my hair is done... look the other way... I am me and

> whoever does not like it tough Sh*t. Mitch is the same way... the

> bad part is although we have these thoughts and we truly don't

> care... our hearts are on our sleeves and we do get hurt by the

> nasty comments and the hurtful words. I am an adult and I just

> ignore and move on... teaching Mitch how to handle it is still

> difficult. "

>

> As much as I think the social aspect of society is pointless, one

> has to admit that to survive in society, one ought to try to learn

> as much about being social as one can.

>

> I think Mitch ought to pick up as much as he can, but at the same

> time you may want to remind him and yourself of three things:

>

> 1) He will never learn everything.

>

> 2) Most of what he learns he will not learn perfectly.

>

> 3) What he learns will change as he ages.

>

> Childhood and adolescence are times when ALL kids are still trying

> to learn how to be social. When you have cliques, it is usually

> because a social bond has been established between a number of

> people. The thing is, especially in childhood and adolesence, when

> kids are continually maturing, these cliques are temporary and

> transient, so what is learned changes quite often.

>

> You can have five people in a group. One of them matures and finds

> that juvenalia no longer interests her. She may then become the

> outcast in THAT clique, but there are other cliques willing to

> accept her...provided they meet with her approval, and provided

she

> has enough finesse to be able to penetrate the group.

>

> I can remember my grandmother talking about having to undergo

> lessons in " ettiquette " and " deportment. " These things should be

> taught in the present day so that kids have a social definition to

> strive for. Then anyone who acts above their age won't be such a

> reject, and those who are socially clueless will have a better

> chance at succeeding.

>

> It IS important for people to have friends. was right when

> he posted words to this effect. But in addition to helping your

> young one learn how to interact with others his own age, another

> goal ought to be to teach Mitch adult social ettiquette so that he

> can come into adulthood with most of that already under his belt.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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what a great Idea.... something to work on that will help and make

him feel like he is accomplishing something. Thanks.

Rose

>

> " First i laughed out loud at the last sentence... because that is

> always how I feel... If you do not like what I look like or how I

> dress, or how my hair is done... look the other way... I am me and

> whoever does not like it tough Sh*t. Mitch is the same way... the

> bad part is although we have these thoughts and we truly don't

> care... our hearts are on our sleeves and we do get hurt by the

> nasty comments and the hurtful words. I am an adult and I just

> ignore and move on... teaching Mitch how to handle it is still

> difficult. "

>

> As much as I think the social aspect of society is pointless, one

> has to admit that to survive in society, one ought to try to learn

> as much about being social as one can.

>

> I think Mitch ought to pick up as much as he can, but at the same

> time you may want to remind him and yourself of three things:

>

> 1) He will never learn everything.

>

> 2) Most of what he learns he will not learn perfectly.

>

> 3) What he learns will change as he ages.

>

> Childhood and adolescence are times when ALL kids are still trying

> to learn how to be social. When you have cliques, it is usually

> because a social bond has been established between a number of

> people. The thing is, especially in childhood and adolesence, when

> kids are continually maturing, these cliques are temporary and

> transient, so what is learned changes quite often.

>

> You can have five people in a group. One of them matures and finds

> that juvenalia no longer interests her. She may then become the

> outcast in THAT clique, but there are other cliques willing to

> accept her...provided they meet with her approval, and provided

she

> has enough finesse to be able to penetrate the group.

>

> I can remember my grandmother talking about having to undergo

> lessons in " ettiquette " and " deportment. " These things should be

> taught in the present day so that kids have a social definition to

> strive for. Then anyone who acts above their age won't be such a

> reject, and those who are socially clueless will have a better

> chance at succeeding.

>

> It IS important for people to have friends. was right when

> he posted words to this effect. But in addition to helping your

> young one learn how to interact with others his own age, another

> goal ought to be to teach Mitch adult social ettiquette so that he

> can come into adulthood with most of that already under his belt.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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I understand but getting Mitch to understand is more of the issue.

He sees other kids who do not have Aspergers and they are helped

with their problems whatever they may be, and then here he is and he

gets so frustrated... wanting to be " normal " I tell him he is normal

for him... and for us and we are the ones that matter...We try very

hard to reassure him that he is and we love him no matter

what. He said to me yesterday " I have Aspergers? Why does that

sound familiar? " We have told him before but there are no

information packets written for teenage boys about what to expect

with aspergers. I understand why... but that does not help me. I

really want to take a bit of everyone's conversations and let him

see them...I beleive it would help him.

Rose

>

> " Not worring is something that mitch sometimes does and then there

are

> times when he gets frustrated about what others think and wants to

> know why he is different and how come they (the docs) can't fix

it. "

>

> I think what he wonders about is why he (like most Aspies) can

love

> unconditionally until they are betrayed, but that non-Aspies

cannot

> reciprocate.

>

> There is nothing the doctors can do to fix Mitch any more than

there

> is anything the doctors could to fix a non-Aspie.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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I understand but getting Mitch to understand is more of the issue.

He sees other kids who do not have Aspergers and they are helped

with their problems whatever they may be, and then here he is and he

gets so frustrated... wanting to be " normal " I tell him he is normal

for him... and for us and we are the ones that matter...We try very

hard to reassure him that he is and we love him no matter

what. He said to me yesterday " I have Aspergers? Why does that

sound familiar? " We have told him before but there are no

information packets written for teenage boys about what to expect

with aspergers. I understand why... but that does not help me. I

really want to take a bit of everyone's conversations and let him

see them...I beleive it would help him.

Rose

>

> " Not worring is something that mitch sometimes does and then there

are

> times when he gets frustrated about what others think and wants to

> know why he is different and how come they (the docs) can't fix

it. "

>

> I think what he wonders about is why he (like most Aspies) can

love

> unconditionally until they are betrayed, but that non-Aspies

cannot

> reciprocate.

>

> There is nothing the doctors can do to fix Mitch any more than

there

> is anything the doctors could to fix a non-Aspie.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

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" Aspies aren't broken they're just different. And just

because two things are different from each other does mean that one is

better than the other... " It's a hard concept to sell

anywhere... Human are by nature Xenophobes fearing anything that is

different or unfamiliar...

The was a comment earlier about " normal teenagers " and

" Invasion of the Body Snatcher " (a complete rip off of

" Puppet Masters " where Heinlein gives the concept a deep

treatment) ...It is interesting the in order to " rebel " most

teens choose to become clones a stylized ideal that none of them can

achieve and take on a sort of " hive mind " thing... It was

the hive mind is what was what made the aliens in both stories as

repellently different than humans as they seemed... but the hive mind is

exactly what cultures strive for with the " If it's like us it is

safe and therefore good, " view turning Xenophobia to Xenocide

protect it's sameness...

I guess that is what make Aspies frightening to NT's we're

differ/outsiders and they are just ad confused by us as we are by

them

Ender

At 09:31 AM 7/20/2007, you wrote:

I understand but getting Mitch

to understand is more of the issue.

He sees other kids who do not have Aspergers and they are helped

with their problems whatever they may be, and then here he is and he

gets so frustrated... wanting to be " normal " I tell him he is

normal

for him... and for us and we are the ones that matter...We try very

hard to reassure him that he is and we love him no matter

what. He said to me yesterday " I have Aspergers? Why does that

sound familiar? " We have told him before but there are no

information packets written for teenage boys about what to expect

with aspergers. I understand why... but that does not help me. I

really want to take a bit of everyone's conversations and let him

see them...I beleive it would help him.

Rose

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" Aspies aren't broken they're just different. And just

because two things are different from each other does mean that one is

better than the other... " It's a hard concept to sell

anywhere... Human are by nature Xenophobes fearing anything that is

different or unfamiliar...

The was a comment earlier about " normal teenagers " and

" Invasion of the Body Snatcher " (a complete rip off of

" Puppet Masters " where Heinlein gives the concept a deep

treatment) ...It is interesting the in order to " rebel " most

teens choose to become clones a stylized ideal that none of them can

achieve and take on a sort of " hive mind " thing... It was

the hive mind is what was what made the aliens in both stories as

repellently different than humans as they seemed... but the hive mind is

exactly what cultures strive for with the " If it's like us it is

safe and therefore good, " view turning Xenophobia to Xenocide

protect it's sameness...

I guess that is what make Aspies frightening to NT's we're

differ/outsiders and they are just ad confused by us as we are by

them

Ender

At 09:31 AM 7/20/2007, you wrote:

I understand but getting Mitch

to understand is more of the issue.

He sees other kids who do not have Aspergers and they are helped

with their problems whatever they may be, and then here he is and he

gets so frustrated... wanting to be " normal " I tell him he is

normal

for him... and for us and we are the ones that matter...We try very

hard to reassure him that he is and we love him no matter

what. He said to me yesterday " I have Aspergers? Why does that

sound familiar? " We have told him before but there are no

information packets written for teenage boys about what to expect

with aspergers. I understand why... but that does not help me. I

really want to take a bit of everyone's conversations and let him

see them...I beleive it would help him.

Rose

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Rose

I wanted to mention that my son did not begin to shower often until he learned in science about bromhidrosis/body odor and that it comes from the smell of bacteria growing on dead skin cells. I wouldn't want to exasperate his fear of germs but everyone has bacteria, Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis/mites that live in and around our eyelashes/follicles etc... I have had times that I thought I felt something by my eyelashes, plus itching and would pull on an area to no avail. Using a washcloth to clean the eyelids help but I may also have allergies which I think these mites may trigger. If it gets bad I won't wear my contacts.

I thought maybe if the hygine aspect was presented as a science subject it may encourage bathing. ;-)

Kim

>> Tom > You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely > afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make me > wonder. > > Rose

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Rose

I wanted to mention that my son did not begin to shower often until he learned in science about bromhidrosis/body odor and that it comes from the smell of bacteria growing on dead skin cells. I wouldn't want to exasperate his fear of germs but everyone has bacteria, Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevis/mites that live in and around our eyelashes/follicles etc... I have had times that I thought I felt something by my eyelashes, plus itching and would pull on an area to no avail. Using a washcloth to clean the eyelids help but I may also have allergies which I think these mites may trigger. If it gets bad I won't wear my contacts.

I thought maybe if the hygine aspect was presented as a science subject it may encourage bathing. ;-)

Kim

>> Tom > You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely > afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make me > wonder. > > Rose

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Cool and right up his alley.

Rose

-- In , " Kim " <6emini@...> wrote:

>

>

> Rose

>

> I wanted to mention that my son did not begin to shower often

until he

> learned in science about bromhidrosis/body odor and that it comes

from

> the smell of bacteria growing on dead skin cells. I wouldn't want

to

> exasperate his fear of germs but everyone has bacteria, Demodex

> folliculorum and Demodex brevis/mites that live in and around our

> eyelashes/follicles etc... I have had times that I thought I felt

> something by my eyelashes, plus itching and would pull on an area

to no

> avail. Using a washcloth to clean the eyelids help but I may also

have

> allergies which I think these mites may trigger. If it gets bad I

won't

> wear my contacts.

>

> I thought maybe if the hygine aspect was presented as a science

subject

> it may encourage bathing. ;-)

>

> Kim

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Tom

> > You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely

> > afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make

me

> > wonder.

> >

> > Rose

>

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Cool and right up his alley.

Rose

-- In , " Kim " <6emini@...> wrote:

>

>

> Rose

>

> I wanted to mention that my son did not begin to shower often

until he

> learned in science about bromhidrosis/body odor and that it comes

from

> the smell of bacteria growing on dead skin cells. I wouldn't want

to

> exasperate his fear of germs but everyone has bacteria, Demodex

> folliculorum and Demodex brevis/mites that live in and around our

> eyelashes/follicles etc... I have had times that I thought I felt

> something by my eyelashes, plus itching and would pull on an area

to no

> avail. Using a washcloth to clean the eyelids help but I may also

have

> allergies which I think these mites may trigger. If it gets bad I

won't

> wear my contacts.

>

> I thought maybe if the hygine aspect was presented as a science

subject

> it may encourage bathing. ;-)

>

> Kim

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > Tom

> > You mention this and it makes sense as he seems to be completely

> > afraid of germs and dirt... not all the time but enough to make

me

> > wonder.

> >

> > Rose

>

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It is rare that a doctor or a professional who does NOT have AS can

completely understand those who do have it.

AS people are quiet by nature, and sometimes we find it hard to

express ourselves orally. But as you see here, we can talk at great

length with logic and make sense. You can learn a lot from us, but

remember to use common sense before acting on what you hear, and

medical advice should come only from a professional.

Tom

Administrator

tom

You make a good point however the proffesionals cannot give the

insight to a parent like all of you have. Experience is a great

teacher and your life experience is helping us in ways that doctors

cannot. this is why i requested to join the group for your life

experiences... WEG I cannot help Mitch in any way if I do not

understand how his mind. You all are the best.

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It is rare that a doctor or a professional who does NOT have AS can

completely understand those who do have it.

AS people are quiet by nature, and sometimes we find it hard to

express ourselves orally. But as you see here, we can talk at great

length with logic and make sense. You can learn a lot from us, but

remember to use common sense before acting on what you hear, and

medical advice should come only from a professional.

Tom

Administrator

tom

You make a good point however the proffesionals cannot give the

insight to a parent like all of you have. Experience is a great

teacher and your life experience is helping us in ways that doctors

cannot. this is why i requested to join the group for your life

experiences... WEG I cannot help Mitch in any way if I do not

understand how his mind. You all are the best.

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<snip>thank you Ender for your honesty. i have a clearer picture of

who

you are and that in the long run helps me help mitchell... yes you

are right, I do not want his Dx to become an excuse for him nor do I

want to label him as special needs, however, the stigmata attached

to any " mental defect " is huge and people look at me and say oh you

poor thing... then i get angry... I am not looking for a pity party

nor anyone's sympathy, I am trying to explain why Mitch is the way

he is... I usually give up and now I do not say anything at all

unless they bring it up. I feel like he needs to find his own way

with guideance from us... I do not want to dictate what or how he

should be doing things... I just want to see him do, and be happy.

If that means he plays video games for 8 hours straight and goes to

bed... so be it. (just an example of this past week, he is not

always like that, goes in spurts with the games, puzzles, chess,

japanese culture, ancient egypt and on & on..) however, his

interests are so eclectic and unusual for someone his age... it is

hard for him to find others like him. Oh, gee this is so

frustrating trying to explain it all. I know he gets lonley and

wants friends, but he also is happy to play lego's for hours on end

and has a hard time stopping to eat. Home is the safe zone... we

try to make it a place where there is no judgement and he can be

himself without recrimination...I am hoping that by doing this he

can expand on his interests and find something that suits him for

his choice of work... (leaning towards botnay, herbology, and

landscaping)

Ok I just looked back at what I wrote... blathering... sorry... I

just have had no one to talk to about this who understands what he

is going through, what we are going through. Thank you for

listening... i am going to sign off for now.

Rose

Please blather on! My son is 13 and read this excerpt of your post

when I asked him too, he recognized himself there, sounds like two

peas in a pod:) He said *hey, that's me!*

It has been too hot to go out for us, but we find things throughout

the day to occupy us. Went through a bunch of music files and

looked up some music info, Charlie then went on google earth and

looked up his home and went for a virtual *drive* to his

grandparents house and tracked my husband out to his job. After

touring the planet a bit, he moved back to music and created falling

sand scenes to match the themes of the songs he was listening to.

He played a few games he likes and then a repetitive word game for a

long time. Now he is back to his room for lego's, I might not see

him til dinner.

When he is free flowing like this, there are no meltdowns, barely

any stress. Seems like recharge time after the demands of public

school and all. Interuptions are not welcome, but like me, if he

has to go somewhere he might put up a struggle but enjoy what we go

to do.

I tend to leave him to do *his thing* because I am aware of how

important that is to me as well. As a married adult with three kids

I struggle constantly to try to find a balance between what needs to

be done and my perseverations, etc... The last five years have been

very difficult for me personally, with medical problems and outside

stressors.

Kerry

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