[HealthyBoundaries] Forgiveness - The First Step: An Unusual Case History - Kim

[Guest guest]

From:

InTheFlowResearch [mailto:InTheFlowResearch ] On Behalf Of Dayawanti Anandani D'Sa

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

9:48 AM

To:

EmotionalFreedomTechniques

Cc:

InTheFlowResearch

Subject: *InTheFlowResearch*

Forgiveness - The First Step: An Unusual Case History - Kim

Sometimes all one needs is a friendly soul

who can help you hear what it is your own soul/spirit wants to do…

Love,

Dayu

From: Dayawanti

Anandani D'Sa [mailto:sequoia40@...]

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

9:19 AM

'Kim '

Subject: RE: My saviour and

wonderfully patient friend!

Dear Kim,

Thanks for the kudos. I can only say

that all I did was listen to what your Spirit Guides were saying, as I heard

them, and passed that on to you. In fact, I’ve been waiting to do a

session with you… I must give credit to YOU, dear one…you are the

one who has done all this work….for yourself. It is the beginning

of self-love.

Love,

Dayu

From: Kim

[mailto:bushky0108@...]

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2005

1:06 AM

Dayawanti Anandani D'Sa; Kim

Subject: My saviour and

wonderfully patient friend!

Hello Dayawanti,

As you know, I had an experience one morning at 5:00 am EST.

I was at my computer and I felt a need to just clear my head and

meditate. What followed was curious to me and I asked God for help

with what happened and He/She sent me YOU> I'd like to share with the

world how you have taken me from the place I was at, to where I am now.

(Feel free to edit where you see fit, and share this with all who know you, and

to all those who don't YET)... Love, Kim

I was scheduled for a Reiki ?(attunement)? at 5:00 and was up

early. I was reading about Kundalini Shakti from 4:30 to 4:55, and was

feeling a little tired of reading. I read particulars, about

it, not really anything other than where it is at, what activates it, that sort

of thing.

Then as I sat there still, thoughtless, and motionless, I felt a pull,

very gently, but a definate directional pull of my head back slowly as if my

head were being fused in a very slow fuse to my spine. My mouth

automatically came open and I breathed freely, and with no drastic discomfort,

but a little bit of apprehension as to what was taking place. I allowed

this to happen, this pull of my head back, kind of like a baby bird would be if

she were waiting for her mother to feed her. In my minds eye, I saw a few

flashes of silvery bright light occassionally, but nothing else other than the

bird and her babies waiting to be fed. I was in this position for almost an

hour and when it started to subside, I gradually leaned forward not of my own

doing, and my head very very slowly came to the top of my shoulders

again. I still had not thoughts, other than hmmm....what was that all

about? It didn't hurt, I didn't freak out, I was just somewhat purplexed

at it all. I asked God to show me what I was needing to get from the

incident. He sent me an e-mail the next day from In the Flow from

Dayawanti. I shared with her what happened and she was so helpful

to give me peace and help me understand.

She told me that my situation was that I had a deficit in being able to

nurture and that I needed to heal in that area. I said that that was just

the coolest thing, because she had no way of knowing that I had been drastically

missing a little boy I had taken care of from birth to 3 years old while his

mother was incarcerated and then for the summers when he was 4, 5 and 6.

I told her that I had just seen him again after many years and while passing

through on my way to another state for business, got to see him and his mother

and family. They all knew I was coming back through and would stop and

see them again. While I was taking care of this business my little guy I

will call him " Bubby " actually pulled himself out of school and

decided he was returning home with me. His mother agreed to it and

allowed this to happen since he had missed us so much.

My daughter and I, when coming back through, did not know he had done

this and that it was a done deal for them. We live in a really small

house with only 2 bedrooms, and a small living room, kind of like a little lake

cottage, and we also have a dog that is a lab mix that sleeps on our couch at

night. My delima was that I had no where, absolutely no where to put him.

My funds after the trip I had taken were tight as well, and my husband said

absolutely " no " this was not okay that he pulled himself out of

school two months before school gets out and that there was no place for him to

sleep. Well, we told him " no " that this was not going to work

that maybe he could come for a trial during " spring break " and then

come and stay for the summer.

Needless to say, this crushed him...!!! He was devastated...,

hurt, and felt a lot of rejection for his actions and our decision. I was

overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety and hurt because I could not let him come

with us " HOME " . We all felt like he wanted his home to be with

us! We all wanted it, but the timing and circumstances just were not right.

Many nights, I cried myself to sleep quietly and painfully and longed

to be with him because we had bonded very tightly during those special

developing years. I'm sure he has spent many nights silently crying

himself to sleep as well and this was crushing me. He and his mother still

to this day don't have a bond that comes close to what " Bubby " and I

share. Sad, but true. His mother has told me many times that he

would rather be with us, but she was affraid of loosing him completely. I

never pressed in, and I never suggested anything other than what was best for

them.

My daughter decided about 3 weeks before " spring break " to

move out of our house and move into an apartment with a friend closer to her

work, and really did it to open up her room for " Bubby " so he could come,

but never admitted to that. I knew she wanted him to be here and not have

any reason to keep it from happening. I thought that was the sweetest and

most selfless giving thing she could do and she didn't hesitate. I love

her so much. She also not being around during that time, when I had hoped

" Bubby " could have been here, made my nurturing more desirable.

She and I are very very close, and communicate really well together.

When " spring break " came, no one would answer their phone,

return messages, get back from my e-mails, and I felt the rejection that I had

impressed upon him coming back to me. Still through the summer, I could

never get any return calls, or e-mails and wanted to just go to him and talk to

him. Gather his things and bring him HOME. He is more than 10 hours

away and time and money would not permit it. Many days I felt I was

suffocating and my left breast and underarm started hurting and became

continuously tender. My pointer finger and pinky finger on my right hand

were cramping continuously and it became more and more difficult to type and do

my work from my home business.

Dayawanti suggested that I forgive myself for feeling I had abandoned

and rejected him, that I had to do what was necessary even though my emotions

and heart wanted differently. That my need for nurturing and caring for

him, my daughter, and husband was almost non existent at this point. I

had to not only forgive myself, but my husband, " Bubby " his family

for not getting back in touch with me, and most of all my " Inner

Self " for the hurt I had set myself up for. Since we create in life,

what we want, I guess these things needed to happen so that the woundedness and

bonds that had been torn away from my heart could heal and mend. My

biggest prayer throughout this whole time was that " Bubby " could and

would also heal. I prayed for him everyday, asked for Reiki to be sent to

heal him, my daughter, and me as well, so that our energy and love would not be

blocked from going out.

Dayawanti asked me if there was any other who had hurt me during this

time of nurturing and bonding with " Bubby " . I told her that my

ex-husband, my daughters father, was always jealous of my attention to him, and

that he resented him in a big way, although he never let " Bubby " see

or notice, I'm sure " Bubby " felt it, and I know I did. So,

I had to forgive my ex-husband with one of those mega-forgiveness cycles, that

takes me through a long drawn out process.

I did as she suggested, and in fact, she suggested I do that first,

because he may have been the catalyst for the whole thing in my heart helping

myself to once again set myself up for this type of hurt and

disappointment.

I took an entire weekend and went through the forgiveness process and

in addition to that forgave him for many of the other things that led up to our

divorce. It was the start of healing in a big way for me, whether it

helped him in anyway, I didn't know. About 2 weeks later, I actually went

to him, at Dayawanti's request and confronted him on the things that had

happened to bring them out so that he knew that I was not harboring anything

anymore, and forgave him to his face and asked him to forgive me as well, for

each and every individual hurt that we had endured. He teared up and

said he felt a lot better and so did I, but I never allowed him to hug me, pat

me, or shake hands with me, because I didn't want any other feeling to hinder

my growth, forgiveness, or breakthrough. I think it was the best thing,

at least for me it was.

My daughter started doing really good with her finances, managing her

money and taking care of herself on her own, so that was great to see as

well.

Dayawanti said that my pains in my left breast and my fingers on my

right hand could all become better with tapping and the EFT process. I

did as she suggested and downloaded the e-zine and read it over and over until

I got it. I started the tapping and positive affirmations and feeling

healing almost immediately with everything I was experiencing. My husband

asked me what I was doing and I shared it with him and he asked me to

start EFT with him and his sinus problems. It was amazing to both of us

how quickly and even without feeling we knew very much were able to help

ourselves with just this simple, but amazing process that took hardly any time

once I understood what to do. We both thank everyone involved with

sharing that with us. It made a huge difference.

I realized that I had enabled, and been doing so for years and decided

to take responsibility for my life and focus on healing my life and allow

everyone else to grow up and take care of themselves as well during the EFT

affirmations. I had to take responsibility of the little girl in me that

wanted to control those nurturing needs for others in the absence of the

nurturing in my early years as a little girl as well.

Dayawanti was so on track and helped me to heal in such a big way and

quicker than I ever thought possible, that I am very very grateful to her, to

her wisdom, her intuition, and her teaching, her vibes and spiritual guides and

her ear to hear from them when they communicated to her. The invisible

network of love, grace, unity, oneness, and harmony that she is so tuned

into and tapped into with a large conduit pipe that flows through her and to

others is absolutely amazing. I was not only amazed and thankful, but

perplexed that I felt as if I were right next to her when I spoke to her or she

spoke to me even though we were on the phone together and we were over 4 hours

apart. The connetion she made with me and the continued prayer, love,

healing and tenderness I felt when she sent reiki, love and healing to me

I still feel today. I get the most touching and thoughtful e-mails from

this woman, who should have wings instead of shoulder blades on her back, and

gave to me freely and openly and lovingly like she had been a friend of mine

for years and years.

Dayawanti, I am very grateful and thankful to you, the universe, our

source of all that is in all and through all. You are a wonderful,

friend, mentor, teacher, trainer, and spiritual intuitive. Most of all

friend. We connected on so many levels, many I'm sure that I am not even

aware of yet.

I want everyone to know that you have been extremely patient, and accepting

of me and my need for time to not only heal on the levels we initially spoke

of, but also on the levels that were to follow, that maybe others would

have already finished with.

I can't say enough in words to express how I feel about this beautiful

and gracious woman who for just a brief amount of time shared her soul with me

and allowed me the freedom to be what I was until I was ready to be who she saw

me to be!

I had to follow my own " Motto " ~ Love people where they

are at and see them where they can be. Dayawanti truly epitomized that

phrase.

Much love, and Inner Blessings now and forever and I hope that in my

small frame my soul busts out and my aura shines forth in a big way as I get

more and more healing from Dawanti, who God, the source of the universe sent to

me.

Please continue to pray for my sweet, 13 year old " Bubby " who

I hope has gone through healing and forgiveness himself and we can be reunited

as many people in my past have said they saw.

Thank you so much,

Kim